Finding Sarah

Rising Up- M&M E-votional

2009-10-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

What a refreshing weekend I had at Eagle's Wings! I know many of you didn't go, and I strongly encourage that you make plans to attend next year. It will change your walk with the Lord for the better. Consider it a "strength-training" weekend! Not only will you build stronger relationships with your girlfriends in Christ, and build new ones, but the very atmosphere at Clear Lake Ranch is breathtaking. How can you NOT see God there?

In case you don't know me, I am HUGE into worship music. I love to soak in it, focus on the words and really personalize each song. When I hear new ones that really speak to me, I HAVE to share it! So with you, I want to share a great Rita Springer song we sang:

I am blessed among the people,
I am blessed among the Nations,
I am blessed because I am loved by You
I am loved and highly favored
Saved by the grace of a Mighty Savior
I am blessed because I am loved by You

Bridge:
No weapon formed against me will prosper
No curse can ever take His promises from me
When hope is gone and the darkness has fallen
I will still believe, I will still believe
Chorus:
I will rise up
I will rise up
I will rise up and call myself BLESSED!!!

Ok, so I put the emphasis on that last "blessed"...you are a Child of GOD! You also are blessed and highly favored! It sometimes amazes me how many women feel they are not worthy to inherit the promises God has for us. The words of this song spoke to me so deeply. I have had the enemy attack me in so many ways personally and spiritually as far as depression, anxiety, fear, relationships, finances, family, self-confidence, etc. Having grown up in church, I know to be strong, I know what advice a Christian would give me and amazingly that makes it worse because then I feel guilty for worrying, being depressed, having problems I can't fix. HELLO! None of us can fix our problems! Not without God!
This week has been yet another trial for me. One thing after another, I've been blindsided by attacks from the enemy. Praise God I was able to make it to my "strength-training" weekend or I would not have had the ability to get through the last few days. This song was on constant repeat in my head all week, even during the most painful moments. I AM blessed and HIGHLY FAVORED! I AM saved by the grace of a MIGHTY savior! No weapon formed against me will prosper, no one can take HIS PROMISE from me! It is when all hope is gone and darkness is fallen that we MUST still believe! I encourage you to personalize this song in your life. What is trying to keep you from the promises of God? A relationship or lack thereof? Money issues? Depression? Feelings of unworthiness? You name it and declare to yourself and that situation this song! I WILL rise up! I WILL call myself BLESSED!!!! No weapon formed against me will prosper! As a mentor/mentee team, I encourage you to discuss what this means in your life and how these very words can give you the strength to overcome even the darkest areas of your life.

Verses: Isaiah 54:17; Numbers 10:35; Dueteronomy 28:7; Luke 1:45; Dueteronomy 7:14

Where do I go from here? M&M e-votional

2009-10-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

So you got saved. Maybe it was 20+ years ago, maybe it was a few weeks ago. Common still is the question, "What should I be doing?" Well, part of that answer is simple. The Great Commission. Go into all the earth and preach the gospel. It doesn't mean you have to hop the next plane to Pakistan with Ray and John. It doesn't mean you have to sell all your belongings and go live in a hut in some jungle. Your mission might be right inside the walls of our church.

Whether you are mentor or mentee, you have both made a big step in your walk with the Lord. He gave us the gift of salvation, and you are showing your gratitude by wanting to go deeper. Don't think mentors don't grow from this relationship! You can never be too "saved" to grow deeper.

But what's next? I've been saved my whole life, and I still asked that question. I still get in ruts. I often feel inadequate, unworthy, and often question: "Is this it? Is this all I'm going to do with my life?" I want to do more. We also have a time and place in our lives for everything; we Christians refer to them as "seasons"! I have many ideas and things I'd like to do, but I'm also popping out a baby in February and have a 3-year old son. Now is not the time for me to hit the road with my ministry!

What are you called to do? If you don't know, answer this: What do you have a passion for? What do you like to do? God knows our strengths and weaknesses. He isn't going to call you to something you hate! Maybe you love children. Maybe you like praying with people and giving encouragement. Praying for the needs of the body of Christ might be what you enjoy. Or, maybe you just want to keep learning, and you have a thirst for knowledge. Maybe you have a strong desire to teach those thirsting for knowledge the way you once did earlier in your Christian walk. Maybe you like to make coffee. Guess what? We have a place for you in ministry at Faith!

What I don't understand is why we have 500 people on a Sunday morning and so many claiming they want to go deeper, do more, live out the Great Commission....but a couple dozen people show up Sunday nights, even less sign up for Bible Studies. Granted, in this society we are too busy. You may be thinking, "I'd love to get more involved, but I'm already committed to so many other things outside of church." Well, let me ask you this, is there anything you can scale back on to make more room for God in your life? This makes me think of the movie Sister Act. By the way, you totally get to experience the Sarah Mouser randomness right now. Remember in Sister Act they remade secular songs? Well the one song was, "What has he done for me lately?" But, on Sister Act they rewrote the lyrics to say, "What have YOU done for HIM lately?" I'm not kidding, that song does pop in my head from time to time and I feel the conviction! You don't have to lead a ministry to give back to God, you can SUPPORT His ministries by being involved, making them successful by your participation. Trust me. The blessings you will receive are immeasureable.

I don't want to live a mediocre life. This is what has been on my mind the last several weeks as I've been preparing myself for Eagle's Wings. I'm not called to mediocracy. I want to go beyond that. I want to be more than Marty's wife and a mom to his kids. I want to be Sarah Mouser: A Great Asset in the Kingdom of God. Someone the devil fears. I have much deeper to grow before I get to where I am going, but at least I'm stepping up.

Verses: Matthew 28:18-20; Ephesians 6:13; Psalms 144:1; Hebrews 6:1

Staying in Step with the Spirit/M&M week 3

2009-09-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

When I was in 9th grade, I was in marching band. I played the flute. I was totally self-conscious and so afraid I would play the wrong note, I would just fake it that I was playing and hope my band teacher didn't notice. It was too hard to concentrate on marching in beat with everyone else AND play at the same time! That's like chewing gum and walking! The girl behind me however was always a 1/2 step a head of the beat. Every few turns, she would stomp on my foot and I would stumble, and the band teacher would glare at me, thinking I was the one off beat! It was so frustrating! The teacher would always tell us that if you rush and make the wrong step, you mess up the whole plan, and it is difficult to get back to where we need to be.

I think keeping in step with the Spirit is like that. We have to find the right beat, or timing and stay in sync with God's plan for our lives. This requires of us discipline and admitting we do not have perfect timing. If we step out of line to do our own thing, it will only be that much harder to find our way back to where He wants us to be.

We aren't perfect. We want things when we want them. We want our prayers answered immediately, our families saved, the perfect job, the perfect spouse, a big house, our children to follow God always, etc. When our prayers aren't being answered in OUR timing, it is easy to step out of line and try to make something happen before God's timing. How many know that forcing something to happen in our timing rather than God's always seems to have a consequence? Often times it means more heartache, frustration, grief and anxiety. We even lose focus and faith.

Also as easy as rushing ahead is lagging behind, the not knowing what God wants of us. What do many people do when they don't know what God wants us to do? Nothing. They wait for what they believe God is going to do for them. When nothing happens, they lose faith and question God's plan. If God's plan for you is not clear, one thing is: trust Him. Be consistent in prayer and your devotion, talk to your mentor or an accountability partner. Have prayer partners. God NEVER lets us down, but we can let ourselves down. Through trust and prayer, we are sure to continue to march in step.

Verses: Galations 5:25; Micah 6:8;

M&M E-Votional Week 1--Lies the Devil Tells Us

2009-09-11T06:48:00.001-07:00

What a busy week it has been for me! Strange, because I work very part-time and my son was visiting his grandparents all week! Still, the week seemed to fly by! As I prayed and read and tried to think of what to write about for our e-votional, negative thoughts floated my way.
Who are you to write this E-votional? You have no skill! No wisdom!
No one will like what you write.
No one even knows who you are, and they don't care.

I've also been dealing with some issues lately that I thought would have been taken care of by now through much prayer, and haven't. Again, negative thoughts.
Why would God answer your prayer? You're not important.
You wasted your time and energy praying for something that isn't going to happen.
A man gave you a word, and he's just man. He lied just to get your hopes up for nothing. He doesn't really have the prophetic gift.
Your husband obviously doesn't care about the situation because he isn't showing he cares.
God doesn't care that you are hurt, he is the one that let you get hurt.

I even got depressed and felt worthless.
Why are you having another baby? You can't take care of the one you have.
You don't deserve to have kids.
You aren't going to be able to afford all the things you need, you don't even have room in your house, stupid.
You should be working full-time. You can't afford to be home.
Of course, the thoughts when I was working were: You are a loser for working full-time. You aren't even raising your own child. You obviously don't care about your family's needs if you are working full-time.

How crazy am I?! And how crazy are you?! Do you allow the father of lies to speak negative thoughts into your life?
You're fat. You shouldn't even go to church. It's embarrassing.
No one likes you, you have a boring personality.
Your hair looks so bad, don't go out in public.
You have no nice clothes, definitely don't go out witnessing.
Ew, what's up with your skin? You're going to scare people away.
Don't host anything at your house. People will see how messy or unstylish you are.
You don't deserve happiness. That's why God lets you be miserable.

Don't believe those things! Those are all LIES! God created us and LOVES us. When we are sad or upset about something, He wants to comfort us, sing over us, be there for us in our time of need! But, too often we get so caught up in these negative thoughts, we can't even see that it is the devil putting them into our head to keep us from doing what God has planned for us! John 8:44 even says "...he was a murder from the beginning, speaking no truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, because he is the father of lies." Many times we miss out on blessings God has for us because we are so consumed with thinking about the negative things! God doesn't speak negative, He only speak positive.
I love you! You are my beloved!
I created you because I WANTED YOU.
You are a beautiful creation and you are blessed.
Be with me! Come dine with me! Be in my presence!
I will take care of your needs! Cast your burdens on me, don't carry them!

The great thing about M&M is you now have a mentor that can support you and help to guide you in being more positive and casting out those negative lies! I promise you, your mentor has also had a problem with it at some point in their lives! Mentors, you are a mentor because God wants you to be one! You are good enough! You do have something positive to pour into another woman's life! You do have wisdom!
This week I have set a goal. When the negative thoughts creep in, I will stop what I'm doing and rebuke it. I will remind myself of what positive things God is doing in my life and lives around me. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I know God is there to catch us when we fall.

Verses: Psalm 36:7; Zeph 3:17; 1 John 3:1; Psalm 121:1-2

M&M E-Votional week 4 - April 8th, 2009

2009-04-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days I sit and think, "Wow, where did the year go? It's Easter already?" As a kid, I LOVED Easter. It meant new white sandals, a pretty dress, maybe a new white purse and lacy, turncuff socks. We'd wake up on Easter morning to find our clever (brown paper bag) Easter baskets, decorated with verses and stickers, filled with chocolate, Peeps, fake grass, and a softball or baseball. Yes, every year we got a new ball each. Oh, and I'd usually get sidewalk chalk or a jumprope and my brother would get baseball cards or a GI Joe. Ahhhh, every kid's dream.
Then I got older. I always knew the story of Easter, but as a kid, it seems like just another Bible story about people who were alive way before me and the stories really didn't seem all that different than hearing a story from my books. But, around 9 or 10, I had a revelation! WHAT?! He really died on a cross like that? It's not just an actor on a cross with gross, fake blood? For me? WHY ON EARTH would He do that? I've done nothing to deserve it! After that revelation, no Easter was the same. Sure, I still enjoyed my baskets and egg hunts, but maybe with a little twinge of guilt as I ate my chocolate wondering why I am enjoying a heavenly snack that has nothing to do with Jesus dying on the cross.
My personal decision with Easter is that we do give the kids Easter baskets. I'm taking Sammy to an Easter egg hunt. This year we may even dye eggs! I bought the kit and I even found a "religious" themed kit with stickers and the sinner's prayer! But, I put my Christian spin on it. Family Christian is a great place for clever items like the Jelly Bean Prayer and toys with the message of Easter on them. It is important for me that my kids understand Christians can have fun too, but we need to know the real truth behind the fun and games. Sammy is only 2 so it is hard for him to understand, but Alexis gets it. In fact, if her basket is filled with more socks and candy than items with the message of Easter, she makes sure to point it out! She always wants me to send extra stuff for her to share with her brother in Kentucky, and she even shares the story of Easter with her brother and friends, as she wants to make sure everyone she is close to understands the meaning of Easter is NOT egg hunts, bunnies and chocolate.
This isn't the most spiritualized, profound devotional, I know! But, it was what was in my mind and on my heart as I'm sitting down for the first time today thinking, "What, it's Wednesday? What happened to Monday?" Sometime in the process of rushing around this week trying to plan the perfect Easter baskets, buying the right dress and finding the perfect ham, stop and remember what it is we are really celebrating this weekend. It's not just the season, it's what I think is one of the most important, if not most important, day in Christianity!

Verses to Read: Romans 5:10; John 11:25; Luke chapters 23 and 24

M&M E-votional Week 2

2009-03-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, I am a closet worship leader. I LOVE worship music. It is uplifting, beautiful, inspiring, motivating, the list goes on. For me, worship music has been a great source of strength, keeping me moving forward over the last several months with one test of Faith after another. And I'm not kidding when I say it has been a tremendous help when it comes to working out! I have a really good 45 minute playlist and I can do my cardio workout to worship with no problem. The only trick is to not get into the worship too much! It's not a good thing to close your eyes and raise your hands when you are on an elyptical or treadmill, or running a track, or really any movement with your eyes closed! Seriously though, the Lord speaks to me during my workouts when I listen to worship!

My song of the moment is "Hosanna" recorded by Hillsongs. I've been disecting it for about a month now, and to my glorious surprise, Libby Julian sang it a few Sunday nights ago, and then again the following Sunday morning. If you haven't heard the song, google it. It is so good. And I'm not just talking rhythm, instruments and voices. I'm talking the words! I spoke earlier in the month about how we need to focus on what we are singing and not just singing a pretty song. We need to focus on the anointed words in the songs we sing!

Take the first part of the song:
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith, With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, We're on our knees

This is what the author saw when writing the song. What does it mean to you? To me, when I sing it, I can literally picture Faith Christian Assembly taking their place as a leader in our community saving lives, bringing revival to our community, our county, our state, our country through worship, intercession, evangelism, the list goes on.

Now this is the part that really chokes me up:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from nothing to Eternity

Now really think about that. We are asking Him to show us how to love like He has loved us. I don't even love my friends and family the way He loves me. I'm just being honest! And then the clencher for me, "Break my heart for what breaks yours"...that is something powerful! I am brought to tears every time. Yes, even at the Y surrounded by strangers, it is everything I can do to not totally lose it! When I get to that part of the song, it is tough to really sing it. I think of people who I don't want to love like He loves me. There is one particular person who is living it up, a life full of sin, doing whatever she can to bring pain and hurt to my family. Every time I sing that line (quietly of course, I don't want anyone to hear me sing!), I think of this woman who I never want to think about. I think about how God's heart is breaking because her actions breaks mine. But his heart is also breaking for her. How it hurts Him to see her throw her life away and live so recklessly. Then I think about how singing that line means I'm asking God to have my heart break like His does. He isn't heartbroken and wanting revenge. His heart is breaking because He just wants to rescue her into His arms, forgive her for everything she is doing and has done and just wipe her slate clean with no revenge or hard feelings! How many of us feel this way towards our "worst enemies"?
I looked up the definition of Hosanna. I mean, really, I knew it meant to praise Him, but I wanted to see what else it said. When Jesus rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, the people shouted "Hosanna" while waving palm branches. Back then it meant, "Save us" or "deliver us". Apparently over the years the translation became simply, "a declaration of praise". When the chorus of "Hosanna" plays, I can picture myself in the crowd, waving my branch, shouting along with them. I can see Him on the donkey, waving to me, signifying that He heard me! When the crowd was shouting "Hosanna" they were praising Him, knowing He would save them.

I know this is a simple E-votional. But, a relationship with God is that simple. My purpose and challenge in the devotional is not to just share with you how I love worship music and this song, but to cause you think next time you worship. Think about the words and what they mean. Don't just sing "Break my heart for what breaks yours". Mean it. And if you don't mean it, don't sing it. Just as your heart might be breaking from pain that has been inflicted upon you, His heart is breaking because yours is breaking, and He just wants to wrap you up in His arms, if you'll let Him.

Verses: Psalm 118:24-26; Matthew 21:9; John 12

2009-01-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in the basement thinking...."my God, it's only 10am." If I was still working, the day would maybe go a little faster, though I'm not sure that is necessarily a good thing. Ilana has cried most of the morning, major seperation anxiety. Sammy has been a complete tornado, more than usual. He has destroyed pretty much every room of the house in the last 2 1/2 hours. He seems to sense that his presence upsets Ilana, so he insists on playing right next to her and being loud as all heck! I've realized today that for some reason Disney thinks playing Imagination Movers 75 times between the hours of 6:30 and 10:30 is a good thing. My goodness, that show is IRRITATING. If I was single and met one of those guys and I found out what they did for a living, I might would smack them around a little. Wiggles is less annoying than this show!

Though my own patience has surprised me, I am learning to focus more on God. Yes, I have a spiritual spin to my blog. Next week I'll turn 29, which I know is not all that old, but I've been in church and a Christian for pretty much 29 years. From a young age I was involved in ministries ranging from working in the nursery at 12, student leadership, countless retreats, camps, conventions, etc...and I am ashamed of how little I really KNOW about the scriptures. When someone is dealing with something, I can't just spout out a scripture! Most the time I know what I need to do when going through something (course, I'm still working on diminishing my flesh and actually doing what I need to do!)...but I'm not very good at witnessing or reaching out to others. So in the little bit of down time I get through out the day, I'm going to devise a plan to learn more scripture! Oh, did anyone get the handy dandy calendar at last night's business meeting? It has a scripture for each day of the week! LOVE IT! Now, I don't think I can memorize a verse a day, but I can sure try! I am resolving this year to be a completely different, BETTER, stronger Christian. I want to know that I KNOW I'm hearing from God so that I stop second guessing decisions when seems don't go the way I think they should!

A Review of the Day

2009-01-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

Today was a big day in history, no matter who you voted for. I of course, not being one to watch parades on tv, did not care to watch the festivities of Washington D.C today but did turn it on around 3:30pm....basically because it was on every station. My little Sam the Ham is the smartest and cutest thing ever. He was playing contently when I turned on the tv, saw about 30 seconds of the parade and then he took off to the back of the house. I figured he was running off to his room to bring out more toys. Nope. He emerged from Alexis's room carrying two American flags that I didn't even know where in there! He handed one to Ilana and then waved his around and told her to do the same! I was cracking up...thank God my camera battery was charged! I think that is right up there with JFK, Jr. saluting for his dad's funeral. Ok, maybe not to anyone else, but to me it was!

Where has all the time gone?!

2009-01-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't blogged in forever, and I apologize to all my blogworld buddies. We went on a MUCH needed vaca (December 31st-Jan 7th) and then came home to have my child of course get a cold from the weather changes. Florida was fantastic and I wish we would've stayed longer! It was a bummer not having Alexis with us, but hey, that will be likely the first and last vacation we take without her! I came home quite refreshed and motivated to kick my house's butt into order! I've been cleaning like I've never cleaned before! In fact, no joke...I've vaccuumed at least 2-3 times a day, and the first few days home from vaca I probably vaccuumed 5 or 6. Yes, it needed it that bad. When I was working, I maybe vaccuumed 2 times a month, if that! And, it likely was Marty doing it, not me!

So being a SAHM is so easy. It's a breeze. I'm loving it. My child is perfect. My house is perfect. My life is perfect..........HA! Such a lie. I knew it would be a difficult task and I've been taking each day in stride. No two days are a like! Sammy seems happy to be home, but I can tell he misses being around kids. We had a great play date with Liv and Angela last week and hope to have more. I start babysitting a little girl tomorrow who is a year younger than Sam. That should help him out as far as having a playmate. I'm going to babysit 3 to 4 days a week, which will help with groceries. We are still praying and trusting God to guide our steps. This was a big leap of Faith for me and an even bigger one for Marty so I know everything will work out. I am content and way less stressed. I don't go through each day feeling like I'm wasting my life away! I feel like I'm actually doing something important, even if some people would think SAHM's are unintelligent and lazy....I'm appalled that there are people like that. So many SAHM's I know are very intelligent, educated and the complete opposite of lazy! You have to be! I feel like for the first time in a long time I enjoy what I'm doing, I'm doing something with meaning, and I can focus more clearly on my tasks and my future.

Done with the sappyness. I have some 2009 resolutions....

1. Make my blog almost as cool as Kelly's, though I'm not that creatively talented.

2. Not freak out on my kid when he poops on the floor because he saw Foxy do it.

3. Organize my house, one room at a time, even if it takes the whole year.

4. Declutter, sell stuff on Craigslist and Ebay, donate...whatever it takes to get junk out of my house!
5. Organize my photos, make photo albums and scrapbooks and not feel pressured to hurry and get it all done in a certain amount of time. That'll give me anxiety. It gives me anxiety thinking of the utter chaos that is my photo collection and lack of printed photos. Kelly, how the heck do you do it? Does Elek eat your supplies?

6. Come up with creative ways to make some moola.

7. Oh...this is spiritual, so it should be number one: Study the Word in a new way, spend more time praying, take opportunities as they come but not be afraid to say no when it's something I don't feel called to do.

8. Spend more time with my girlfriends.

9. Educate myself some more.

10. Of course, lose weight :)

My grand finale....

2008-12-30T05:10:00.000-08:00

Because I forgot to blog it, I will start with saying that Wicked was fantastic! Who knew that Alphaba and Galinda were actually college roomates?! And the Alphaba (the wicked witch) was actually not wicked at all, just greatly misunderstood because she was green?! I would go see it again in a heartbeat! What I think we need to do is take a road trip to Chicago and see it there! Who's with me?!

Today is my last day as a slave to "the man". No more emailing with Angela, no more chatting with Laila about the stepkids (ok, yeah, we probably still will!), no more income. Yikes! I need to figure out an alternative money maker fast. But, I am excited about this leap of Faith and as I lay in the sun this week in sunny Fort Lauderdale, I will contemplate and pray for what God has in store. I think 2009 is going to be a life changing year for me, and my last day couldn't come at a better time!

I feel for my buddy Laila...or Lailer as I lovingly call her. She really got the shaft here, but she too has decided to take a leap of Faith and quit her job! Her last day is next week. So our 3 man department is down to one! And since the company thought we did nothing all day anyway, they are replacing me with someone from a different department. He will work 10 hours a week doing my job. Hmmm....I had more work that I could do in 40 hours, so he will do it in 10? I spend 10 just filing! Not my problem anymore. We feel for Kim. Poor girl will have to run the place!

So tomorrow I begin my life as a SAHM. So strange as I look back over 2008 and think about how my life has changed in the past year....a year ago I would never believe that I would be quitting my job, EVER. Marty was an embittered grouch, I was at my wit's end, the situation with Alexis seemed hopeless. Now all that has changed! I'll continue my blogging and hopefully as you follow my journey it will unfold into Alexis moving here, Angela and I busting out in ministry, Marty getting a fat raise, me finally getting inspiration for writing, and who knows what else? We'll have to wait and see....

Ahhhh...snow, lovely snow

2008-12-19T05:57:00.000-08:00

Marty left for work this morning at 5am and the snow was light. I walked out the house shortly after 7am, and was ankle deep in snow! No shovel in sight, since for some reason they are in the garage, I had to trudge through the snow to my car. Did I mention I don't own a pair boots? yeah. As soon as I backed out of the driveway, I immediately began to think that it was not a good idea to try to go to work. I couldn't see more than 5 feet in front of me, and it looked like the blizzard of the century! But, I soldiered on....it only took me 45 minutes to drop Sammy off and get to work. The trip usually takes 10-15.

At 3:30pm today Marty and I will head out to go get Alexis. It's good we meet 1/2 way! Still, it's a blizzard in Michigan, icing in Ohio (where we meet) and 60 degrees in Kentucky. That means, Alexis will be dressed for Kentucky weather when we get her. Last spring when she came, we had some crazy snow that week and it was in the low 30's. We made sure her mom knew to have her dress warm. When we met up, her mom and the manfriend had sweats on. Alexis had on capri's, sandals and a t-shirt. No jacket, but it was in the bottom of her bag. Her bag full of shorts and tank tops. hmmm....we let her know that this time there is a blizzard, so maybe she will come in a swimsuit expecting some ice cream!

Which is worse?

2008-12-17T05:26:00.000-08:00

Using all your natural, and probably supernatural strength to pry a frozen car door shut, or climbing in through the one door that will open, which happens to be the back driver side door...where your toddler is already strapped in to his carseat?

Coming outside and seeing the car is cleaned off for you, but only on the driver side...OR forgetting you have automatic start?

Snow in your shoes or up your pant leg?

Walking in 3 inches of snow without proper shoes to clean off the passenger side OR using power windows to shake loose the snow....only to end up with most of it landing inside your car?

Finally getting the driver side door open only to get a seat full of snow blown in OR trying to wipe it off your seat and getting it blown into your face?

Wrapping all the Christmas presents and forgetting whose is whose, OR your dog chewing on one of the packages just after you've wrapped it?

Starting your Christmas shopping early and realizing you've bought more than you really meant to buy (because you started so early) OR thinking you're done shopping only to realize you forgot someone, like a gift for your spouse from the kids....and you already went over budget....and you have a vacation coming up....?

Jesus loves me....

2008-12-10T05:36:00.001-08:00

Well, I did it. I put in my 6 week notice a few weeks ago, following in Pat's footsteps by giving PLENTY of notice. My last day will be January 2 (technically, it's the 30th. Using vaca time on the 31st and 2nd). I'm pretty excited for what's to come in my early retirement. I don't want to refer to it as "quitting" because it just sounds so negative! It's something I have prayed for for so long, but of course I am nervous. There are a lot of changes shaking up the company so it seems like a prime time to go, but then doubt sets in and I start thinking, "Oh, my gosh! Did I act rash? Did I make a mistake? What if they were going to give me a promotion and a big fat raise?" Then of course I snicker....of course they won't be dishing out a big fat raise. A "promotion" maybe, but that would mean more work at the same pay. My reason for retiring is that I am sacrificing so much for so little! Would I work longer if I made more money? Maybe. Not that $$ is more important than my child, but Marty is now paying an additional $200 a month in child support because, well long story short....Wayne County stinks. We had no proof that Crystal was lying about her income so up went his support. I guess we just pray that God takes care of it. But, really...HE HAS! This is so God's timing, but the enemy is also going to try to take the things that God is blessing us with and try to us it to destroy us! For example: we are going on vacation. Hallelujah, I haven't been on vacation since my honeymoon 5 years ago. We've never been able to afford it. About a week or so before finding out the support was going up, we found tickets to Fort Lauderdale for WAY cheaper than normal for the holiday season. We'll be staying with his parents, which saves us from paying for a hotel. BUT- we are flying to Miami. The 'rents hate Miami airport, and it is pretty much the worse in the country. BUT, it was much cheaper than Ft. Lauderdale. Well, after calling countless places for shuttle or car, we couldn't find anything under $100. There goes the spending money. Oh, but wait...that which the enemy was trying to use to bring us down, the LORD made good! My father-in-law drove to this train station near their house and found out that it was nothing like the terrible reviews it got and was actually quite nice. It will get us to them in under 45 minutes and the cost....$8 total.
Next blessing- I love performance. Plays, musicals, dance...always wanted to go to the theatre, but tickets are so expensive and well, I gave up on that. But then Marty surprised me with tickets to Nutcracker AND Wicked! I'm so geeked. We went to Nutcracker on Sunday, which I was pleasantly surprised, except the men in tights were a bit too much right in my face- we were in the fourth row and me being so modest and immature, couldn't look as they were doing toe touches in the air right in my face. It just seemed sinful to look. Gross. Wicked is in a few weeks. SO geeked about that.
Christmas- we are giving Alexis a dang good Christmas. Not overindulging, but she'll be 10, and most years we had to borrow or scrape to get a few decent gifts. But, without any pain to our pockets and the fact that we are saving up for our trip, we were able to get her plenty of items from her wish list. She really does deserve it! Sammy- well, his gift is a trip to Gram and Gramps! lol...we did get him some, but he is little and oblivious and doesn't need much.

So of course, the enemy has swooped it and said things like, "Sarah, you'll never be able to do this without you working. Sarah you're a fool for quitting. Sarah, you have to pay for Crystal's expensive truck and lavish lifestyle, you can't afford to quit your job...." and on go the lies. I prayed for this opportunity to be home more for a long time and now I have it. And you know what? We will be able to continue to live. There are things we can cut back on, but what I realized was that Marty has paid the bills, bought the plane tickets, paid for a good chunk of the presents AND is saving for a car. All while paying close to $550 a month in support. That doesn't even make SENSE to me! God must be tossing money in our account or something. So, PRAISE GOD for the opportunities. While the enemy has tried to attack our finances, our marriage, our sanity and our family, the Lord has continued to bless us for doing the right thing! I think sometimes we get so caught up in trying to control our lives, that sometimes blessings go unrecognized. You really need to stop focusing on the negative and what you don't have and start focusing on God and what you do have! Then, you will be truly blessed!

M&M E-Votional Week...what week is this?!

2008-12-03T05:21:00.000-08:00

What a great time Advent was last night! I hope you all agree, since I saw many of you there! Wasn't Francyne fantastic? If you've never been to an Eagle's Wings retreat, you MUST go next fall! I hear they have something special up their sleeve for us!

For those who weren't there, Francyne from Eagle's Wings was the guest speaker. She did a great job speaking on the topic of love, a great choice for the Christmas season! It made me think about how so many people go all year complaining about not having enough money or time, but then comes Christmas and all that changes. We start giving to those less fortunate, at least for a few weeks during all the drives for toys, can foods and coats. We say "Merry Christmas" to people on the street that any other time we'd pass by, careful to not glance in their direction. But, as Christians, shouldn't that love and generosity be in our hearts all year round? We are to be examples of Christ, not just at the season of His birth, but at all times. Like Francyne said, we need to do more than say nice words, we need to be an example through our actions!

What kind of example will you be today? What kind of example will you be at your holiday parties, family gatherings, the many shopping excursions? Will you rush through Target with your cart on a mission to hurry in and hurry out or will you let the woman with the three screaming kids cut in line so she can get out a little quicker? Will you sit at home in front of your fire, thinking of all the great presents you bought, or will you take the time to go Christmas caroling at a nursing home? (see Yzzy for that!)....Being that I'm a list maker, I made a list of goals for myself this Christmas season. What are yours?

Verses to Read: Titus 2:7; 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:14, 15

M&M E-Votional for the Week

2008-11-20T06:33:00.001-08:00

I have to admit, I actually posted this back in early September. I started to write my E-votional about worship music and how healing it can be, and then I happened on this blog and decided to repost it as the E-votional. Hope that's ok with everyone!

I'm obsessed with music. Worship music. I love lyrics. I won't listen to a song with poor lyrics, even if the melody or beat is great. You know how you have certain songs for certain issues you're dealing with, or you hear a song and it really hits you where you're at and you have to listen to it over and over? That is me and the song, "My Savior, My God" by Aaron Shust. It is so good! Maybe I think too deep, but I know a few who will appreciate my brain. The song starts out:
"I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior"

How many times do we try to figure out why God let something happen? Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things to good people? We can't figured it out. We are not skilled to understand! All we can do is trust in God, our Savior, who has redeemed us. Through him we can get through the trials because we have Faith, but we cannot even begin to understand the why's. This opening statement also reminds me of the verse, 1 Corinthians 2:9 "...No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind can conceive what God has prepared for those who love Him..." I am HUGE on education. I don't think one should ever stop learning. I'm an advocate of lifelong education, taking classes, teaching others what you've learn. I am constantly googling for more understanding on various issues, words, people, etc. No matter how much you try to understand though, you will not being able to comprehend what God has in store for you. I keep repeating that line, "I am not skilled to understand..." I will post the rest of the lyrics below for you to read, and let sink in.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus 2x

2008-11-18T05:39:00.000-08:00

No, peeps, that's not really me....but that is how my car looked this morning, as I'm sure yours did. PRAISE JESUS for remote start! Although, my car was running 10 minutes and still not defrosted completely. I'm just not ready for this cold! But, I am grateful gas prices have gone down quite a bit, so I don't worry so much about the fuel burning to warm my car. It is well worth it!

I have my blog open in two windows. I'm not vain, but I did it so I could type in one and listen to my playlist in the other! I'm telling you, I'm loving it. To be cheesy- my heart skips when each songs starts. When Revelation Song comes on, I feel like I might fall out in the floor! I just want to stand up and shout right where I'm at, hands lifted high! Pretty much each song has a special meaning for me...I'll share:

Wonderful Maker- big song for me. I was very depressed when I was not able to return to Evangel University due to $$, and during this song in worship one day 7 years ago, God wrapped his arms around me and held me...I could feel it as though He was really right there physically hugging me.

Lead Me to the Cross- Amy introduced it to me and instantly I loved it. It affirms my Faith, and everytime I hear it I pray for the backsliders in my life.

Shadowfeet- a really pretty song, also introduced by Amy. A good reminder that God is always faithful and will get me through the many trials.

Revelation Song- FAVORITE song. Love it. I seriously can feel the Holy Spirit. It makes me want to just stop everything and worship. It affirms in me my strength in God and that I know He has great things in store for me.

Open Up your Eyes - love it. That's all. I want to play this song for the backsliders I'm praying for!

Give me your Eyes- reminds me of On Eagles Wings.

Crazy Dreams-makes me think of Alexis.

I'm Yours- so fun, love it. Makes me think of my hubster.

If You're Out There- powerful song, not a Christian song, but can be challenging like one.

One World- just like it.

Your Name- another great worship song that gets me going, almost as much as Revelation Song.

Might to Save- who doesn't love it?

Backyard-reminds me of back in the day

Angel- actually, I added it cause Marty likes it, but he is never on here...

Spend My Life with You- favorite wedding song....played it at my reception for Marty

Check out my playlist!

2008-11-17T09:09:00.001-08:00

If you haven't noticed yet, I added a playlist! Yahoooooeeeeyy! I feel so accomplished. I realize Mrs. Rennie should be to thank for the awesome taste in music. At least three of the songs are because she introduced them to me....thanks, pal! Scroll down to view my playlist.

Meanwhile, I think I might hurl. I had one of those banquet frozen meals for lunch, and though I took it from the freezer, it wasn't totally frozen, which I thought was a little odd, but ate it anyway. Now I have a weird rumbling in my tummy. Hmmm....note to self, don't make that mistake again.

Fabulous Friday....

2008-11-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

Today is Fab Friday.

My left nostril is completely blocked. Just the left one. It's causing my left eye to water.

I'm going to a tennis mixer tonight. With my mom. Look out Venus.

Tonight I will allow myself to download two songs for my MP3. After tennis, of course. I'm leaning towards a little John Legend "If You're Out There" and maybe some Hillsongs United or Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser (thanks, Amy!)

I have my 30% off Friends and Family coupon for Old Navy and intend to use it today.

It's the weekend! YAHOOEY! Marty will be going out later on Saturday night, meaning I will have the tv to myself. I'm taking suggestions for a good chick flick.

I'm at work today, but Praise God it's Casual Day. I get so much more work done when I can wear jeans.

In 48 hours I will go to church, catch up with a few friends and be refreshed by the Word and praise and worship! No, wait.....I think I have nursery. Well, I'll be refreshed by friends.

That's about all for my boring ol' blog. Just needed to kill a few minutes....

Seriously, I need a vacation...

2008-11-11T05:24:00.000-08:00

This week has been enough to push me over the edge! I'm stressed and sick but not defeated. Nope, I will not give the enemy the victory! I know that in spiritual battles, it gets worse before it gets better, so BRING IT ON!

Yes, peeps...I am sick. I have an ear infection, again...weird. I didn't think adults get those, but I get them maybe once or twice a cold season. As well as strep, I get that, too. As well as sinusitis, which is pretty much an ongoing issue, but every year at this same exact time of year I get a combo of strep, ear infection, bacterial sinus infection (meaning antibiotics are the only thing that will get rid of it!)....on top of that, it all started when Sammy got sick Thursday night with what I thought was the flu but I'm not sure. He has an ear infection and....ASTHMA. UGH. Marty is a little freaked and panicky and I think maybe a little weirded out by how relaxed I am about it. Ok, so when the Home Healthcare truck pulled up at 9pm last night with a nebulizer the reality hit me a little bit, but hey, I'll take asthma over a slew of other things that are WAY worse. Plus, it's not even that bad. He really will only need it at night, and maybe during the day. My sitter is going to keep an eye on the coughing and I totally trust her judgement. Her kid had to use a nebulizer for 10 years, so pretty sure she knows what she is doing! I love her!

At cafe on Saturday we said what we were thankful for. I had a hard time thinking of something because really, it's been one thing after another for a few months now! BUT...I have reevaluated and here is my list:

1. I am grateful that I serve a God that promised to provide all my needs
2. I am grateful I have two great, generally healthy, very smart kids
3. I am grateful for friends that I can depend on and lean on
4. I am grateful to live in a country where I can attend a church of my choice and have the freedom of speech.....for now anyway!
5. I am grateful that despite the war the enemy has waged on mine and Marty's moola, I have Faith in God's promise to take care of me and the promise to bring Alexis HOME. (in case you don't get it, once she is home, that is $500+ we won't be sending to her mom each month just so she can go party with it)
6. I am grateful that I have a vehicle that runs good and will be dependable this winter! Lord knows, I spent too many winters driving a beater!

My roots are showing!!! M&M E-Votional Week 7

2008-11-06T07:55:00.000-08:00

Yeah, that's right. I highlight my hair. It started years ago as a few subtle highlights to give my mousy, brown hair a boost. Years later, the blonde has taken over. I have to have regular appointments to keep the roots covered. Since I postponed my last one, my roots are quite visible!

While you are thinking that this is a vain complaint, there is a spiritual side. Me and a good friend of mine try to make a spiritual twist on everything. It's quite fun and challenging. I recommend trying it! Back to the roots: As believers, we each have spiritual roots, and these roots feed us spiritually. If our spiritual roots are planted deep in God, you may not see them, but our lives will show the fruit through our fruits of the Spirit. The opposite is also true. If our roots are showing, our lives will be drab, dingy and lifeless....just like my hair when it is desperate need for a touch-up! Although my hairdresser is very talented at bringing my hair back to life, her work is only temporary, and I have to return on a regular basis to maintain the desired look. The same can be said for maintaining deep roots in Christ!

The power of Christ in our lives can only be maintained by regularly fellowship and prayer with Him. Too often we allow the demands of work, family and even ministry to interfere with our appointments with God. It is when we miss our appointments with him, or "postpone" our time with him, that our weakened roots begin to show.

If we want to be strong witnesses for Him, we must maintain our roots. We must spend time with our "root specialist", Jesus Christ, on a regular and consistent basis.

Verses to Read: Galations 5:22; Hosea 14:5; Psalms 19:14

The end is near...not to be dramatic or anything :)

2008-11-05T05:07:00.000-08:00

Well, I went to bed after they announced Ohio. How about you? Truth be told, and this isn't hindsight speaking, I was just afraid to admit it out loud. I've been feeling for the last few days as I pumped up McCain that Obama was going to win, and I believe it is something God has allowed in preparation for the rapture. It is where we are in society. It is not he that is evil, it is what he and his party want to legalize. As a fellow "Christian" so he claims, I just don't understand how he can sleep at night supporting it. When given the power to stop it, how can you say, "Well, I can't morally stop people from doing what they want to do." Why not? Isn't that part of leadership, stopping what is wrong and leading people to right decisions?

Our new President elect has two young girls. How will he protect them? He has at least four years to shape the world, or at least nation, that they will grow up in. What will he do for their education? What will he do for their morals? If one should grow up and want to marry their girlfriend, will he happily walk her down the aisle? How will he teach them our Christian faith and beliefs that he claims he shares? Will they ask him, "But, Daddy, if the Bible says homosexuality is wrong, how come you told America it's ok?" Or, "Daddy, if the Bible says we should choose life, why do you let those women kill their unborn babies?" My thoughts are, how much is all this legalizing of things I don't condone gonna cost me?

I am actually excited for this time in history. Truth be told, I know where I'm going when my life is over, and I know that God will see me through every battle along the way. I think it is great we have come to a point where an African-American can say, " I CAN become President!" I think it will do great things for the young people as far as believing in themselves that if they work hard, they can achieve their goals, however wild those goals may seem. But, I am disappointed about where we are. It isn't about the race, gender, person. It's about the beliefs and the demoralization of America. Look back 100 years in history. 1908. Religion, mostly Catholism, was a norm. Most everyone professed a belief in God. Many sins of now that are so norm where not heard of or spoken of. As time has gone on we've removed prayer from schools, divorces are now "ok", homosexuality is acceptable and abortions are legal. Where will we be in 100 years from now? Well, I know where I'll be. But where will we be in 10 years, or 4 years? Sodom and Gommora is coming back with a vengence and satan couldn't be more proud. Of course, the Bible does say their will be widespread revival before he returns so we can hope that Obama will get radically saved while in office.

To go back to one of my favorite quotes by the lovely Aunt May (Peter Parker's aunt) "With great power comes great responsibility." Will Obama take responsibility for the lives he's about the change, both the good and the bad?

If anything in my blog has offended you, then, well....this is my blog. My opinions. I voted by my convictions. When a woman has her 5th abortion I can say I tried to stop her. When your third grader comes home from school letting you know that they read in class about a man who married his life partner and that man is his teacher, I can say I tried to uphold what the Bible commands of us. How can we teach our kids right from wrong when the world condones what is wrong?

EDIT: I just needed to add that someone sent me a random forward, one of those ones that tells you the shortest chapter of the Bible, the longest, the fact the Psalm 118 is the middle, etc. So the closing verse was Psalm 118:8. How appropriate for today :) Look it up.

EDIT EDIT: Sorry to make this longer, but you MUST read Kelly's blog. You can access it on the right of my page where I have Angela, Missy and Kelly listed.

Tomorrow....

2008-11-03T13:51:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is a history- making day! Don't forget to go vote! I'll babysit your kid if you need me to, but most polling centers don't mind if you drag your rugrats along. I'll be taking an early lunch so I can go cast my vote. It's our right, and dang it, it's one of our rights that the government is not trying to take away!

Random thoughts that may not make sense....

2008-10-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

Halloween is upon us and since the church is not having the usual Trunk to Trunk, many have asked, "What do we do now?" Sammy is two, and playing dress up is fun, so I did buy a costume. I'm not huge into Halloween, but prior to having Sammy, I enjoyed passing out candy and seeing the fun costumes. I don't get into the scary, although I know it's part. To me, Halloween has always been one of those "American traditions" where a sense of community actually exists. I never put thought to the pagan roots because, really, how many other "American traditions" have pagan roots? Easter baskets are fun and I put Biblical themes into them, but the root is actually pagan. The Christmas tree is pagan, but I can't imagine not putting one up. The other bonus of Halloween= free candy, DUH! And, with Sammy being so young, and never having had Alexis for Halloween, I guess we just haven't talked much about what we want to share with our kids about Halloween. All I need is for my brilliant kid to say, "Well, if we can't celebrate Halloween, why do you put a Christmas tree up? It's all just good fun, right?" Grrr...
I don't decorate for Halloween, but I do love the look of pumpkins. We don't carve them, mainly pure laziness. I decorate for fall, and have a friendly scarecrow on my door. It was a dollar at Dollar Tree. I don't see the big deal in trick or treating, except we don't go because Sammy is so young and frankly, it's usually cold and rainy. This year though it's supposed to be nice.
Yes, participating in church-sponsored "Harvest parties" is technically celebrating. Providing an alternative may give the impression that there is reason to celebrate Halloween. But, Alexis at 10, doesn't even know there are pagan roots. She doesn't know what pagan means. To her, it's one big dress-up party. Do I tell her and put thoughts in her mind, or let it go because her mom is ALWAYS going to celebrate it?
We don't do witches, goblins or ghosts. We don't go to Haunted Houses, although I will admit, I think they are fun. But, because of convictions, I can't support it. My kids will not participate in psychic readings, Ouija board games, or cultish rituals. We don't watch horror movies, because really, why put that in your head? Beetlejuice was stupid and funny. Alexis's loves Witches of Waverly Place on Disney and it's doesn't seem evil. hmmm.....
Why do stores get so into Halloween and decorating, but when it comes to Christmas, many are being careful not to "offend" so they just say Happy Holidays? If I tell them I'm a Christian and offended when they tell me Happy Halloween, do you think they will stop? Will they take down the decorations if I threaten to stop shopping at their store?
And off the Halloween topic, I read an interesting email about a pastor who gave Sarah Palin a word about being a modern day Esther. Dang it, I knew I should have blogged about that a while back. Marty and I had a good conversation after she was announced about how God raised up women when men were failing. So knowing God raised up Palin, anyone STILL voting against a move of GOD and for Obama? Why would you vote against a known Christian who is God-fearing and bold about it? Nothing personal, Obama. But I truly, deeply feel that God appointed Sarah Palin for a time like this.
And by the way, I think we are going to the Heritage Park safe Halloween thing a ma jig. 5pm tp 7pm tomorrow night. Kennedy High School is doing a trunk to trunk tonight from 6pm to 8pm but it is secular so there will likely be scary trunks. Marty is taking Sammy anyway for some free candy.

My thoughts on the election....

2008-10-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not one who is afraid to talk politics or share who I'm voting for. I'm not ashamed by it at all. But, I avoided for a while blogging about it because it is what it is, and I'm not afraid if Obama gets it. God will take care me. Yes, it is a scary thought, but it will confirm that the end times are opon us!
What I am just annoyed and sick about are 1) Christians who aren't going to vote because they can't morally vote for Obama, and they don't "like" McCain. 2) Christians who feel they can morally vote for Obama because "there are more issues than abortion that need to be handled."
Well, I vote by principle and by the way that Lord has instructed us. He told us to choose life. He instructed us that marriage is for one man and one woman. He told us to go forth and preach the gospel. Democrats are wanting to impose more censorship on preacher's on tv and even in churches. They want to consider it "hate speech" to preach against homosexuality and abortion from the pulpit. Everyone knows what happen to the youth of our world when prayer was removed from schools, what will happen when public broadcasting of the gospel is eliminated, and our pastors can't preach truth from the pulpit?
How can you NOT vote and claim that morally you can't vote for Obama? Ok, well...sure you didn't vote for him, but hey, Pilate didn't "vote" to put Jesus on the cross, but he sat back and didn't stop it either when he had the chance.
The war and the economy concern me. I am concerned about what kind of world my children will be living in. But, I know that my God will supply all my needs. I know that I will one day go to Heaven and that everything on earth will pass away. I know that I do not want to worry about my right to free speech when I want to share the gospel. I know that I do not want homosexuality to become a "norm" and a choice in my children's future. Think about it. 50 years ago, man and woman married and stay married. Divorce was rare and when it happened it was shocking and shameful because the Bible was against it. Now, it is accepted, even among Christians because "it's a different time". The Bible hasn't changed though, it still is against divorce but hey, God forgives. So does that mean 10 years from now homosexuality and abortion will be accepted because it's a different time? Do you want your children raised in that kind of world? Christians who vote Obama because his view on the economy or health care need to remember, this life is temporary. God has promised to supply all our needs. But we have to be faithful to Him and what He has instructed us to do.

M&M E-votional 10/24/08

2008-10-24T05:34:00.000-07:00

Romans 12:11 “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony….”
Like many people, my testimony has become such a part of me, the impact of it often does not even affect me. I think people will not really care to hear it or it is not that big of a deal. My life has completely revolved around God and all things Pentecostal. I have always gone to church, went to a private school for much of my schooling, was very involved in youth group and leadership for as long as I can remember, went on missions trips and my main circle of friends-though it has changed many times-have always been Christians.
When I went to Bolivia in January 2004, the testimony of my healing was dramatically changed. First, for those who do not know, when I was three I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. When they found it, it was in 98% of my blood cells. The doctors told my mom there was nothing they could do and that she should take me home. I would be dead in a week, so she should enjoy her last few days with me. My mom was shocked. At 32 years old, her husband (my dad) had left a few months prior and moved to Texas with another woman. My brother was seven, and having difficulty dealing with the loss of his dad. He had also recently been diagnosed with severe ADHD. And now to add to all of it, my mom was being told her daughter was going to die and that there was nothing that could be done.
Well, my mom insisted on treatment. She immediately called all her “prayer warriors” and the church. Word spread and people all over were praying for my healing. One night, the Lord gave my mom the scripture John 11:4, “….for this is not a sickness unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified.” Long story short, it’s no surprise, I was miraculously healed! Within a year, the cancer was completely gone. I have never relapsed. I have been cancer free for 25 years!
Fast forward to my trip to Bolivia. All the team members were told we would be sharing our testimonies. I felt like mine was so lame compared to some of the others who had been through drugs, horrible childhoods, abuse, etc, but I shared the testimony of my healing anyway. What was I going to do, make something dramatic up? NO! Afterwards, Pastor Galvano, an evangelist on the trip with us, said he wanted to speak to me. He told me that when I was sick, Satan had me in his grip. I was supposed to die. Let that sink in. I was meant for death. Cancer had taken over 98% of my blood cells. How does a three year old survive that? Only by the grace and mercy of God! Pastor Galvano said that when my mom pleaded and cried out to Him, He heard her cry and had mercy on her. I was saved because of my mother’s prayers. She could have succumbed to the diagnosed, accepted it and planned for my death. But, she refused to sit back and watch me die.
There are so many “mini-testimonies” within my testimony and I am open to talk about it but if I kept going now, this devotional will turn into a book!
What are you believing for? Are you accepting the “diagnosis” or are you standing on the promise of God that He will give us grace and mercy?
Scriptures to read: Romans 10:17, Romans 8:11, Isaiah 40:31, Jeremiah 30:17, Jeremiah 33:6, Matthew 18:19, John 10:10

And on life goes...

2008-10-14T05:38:00.001-07:00

Eagle's Wings was AMAZING. As you can see by my last blog, I did not receive the HUGE word I was praying for. Silly me for having a list. I never do that, thought I would this time and I'm pretty sure the Lord laughed at me as he blew my expectations! I imagine Him sitting on His throne with this robust laughter saying, "Silly child, those things I've already taken care of. Let me show you how to just be free..." And He did. See last post for details.

The big word I wanted was to not have to work full-time anymore. I have anxiety in the morning and I feel like I'm really going to have a heart attack. I miss being with Sammy. At first I was fine. It's not like he'll remember all this, right? But I will. These are years I'll never get back. And the stress of finding sitters everytime Alexis comes to town. And then there is the reality that soon she will be coming here and neither one of us want me working full-time once she does. And the reality is she could come at anytime with or without warning. No, we aren't battling in court, but God works in mysterious ways! All the errands, appointments, projects, etc that must be done and have to be crammed in after work. I can't handle all the pressure and I truly feel I need to be home more! I have just been waiting on Marty. He's the one who says no way, can't afford it.

But, guess what? The other day Marty said to me, "You know what, Sarah? Go ahead." I was like, "Go ahead, what?" It was just so random! "I was thinking, I think it would be better if you were home more. Let's take this leap of faith. Just quit." We weren't even talking about it! I was washing dishes, he was watching tv. I was shocked. Then overwhelmed with the idea. This is it! I finally can do what I really feel I need to do!

No, people. I'm not quitting anytime soon. But, I have the release. I still need to wait on God for timing. Certain things need to fall into place and I love the two people I work so closely with. I would never leave them hanging. BUT, the time is coming. It has been confirmed that I will not be withering away behind a desk! (so, I'm not really withering away...CLEARLY. I need to go back to the Y to do that!) Oh, and don't go calling my work trying to get my job because I haven't said anything yet! It may be weeks, it may be months! Maybe a year? Who knows but God.

Expecting the Unexpected: He is more than Enough

2008-10-08T12:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a great weekend for me. I went to the On Eagle’s Wings retreat with several other women from our church. I went with high expectations, asking God for a specific word. I wrote out my list, committed it to prayer everyday for over a month and knew I would receive my word. At Friday night’s service, one of the leader’s, “If you came expecting something specific, you can throw that out the window.” I was shocked! But, then I gave it to God. I simply prayed, “God have YOUR way, not mine.”
I did not receive my specific word. Many of my friends received words and confirmations of words and I thought, “Hey! What about my word? Where is mine?” I tried not to dwell on it, and just kept praying my simple prayer. We sang a song, “More Than Enough” (Gary Oliver) and the words spoke to me. Our God IS more than enough. We don’t have to keep “reminding” Him of our wants and needs. He knows. There is nothing wrong with expecting to receive, but why limit God with specific requests?
My unexpected blessing came during worship. I was able to worship Him freely with no inhibitions: no 2-year old clinging to me, no obligations to minister to someone else; I was there to receive and just BE with God. It was a weekend of refreshing, relaxing and building relationships with wonderful, Christian women. During worship, I continually praised Him, thanked Him and honored Him. That’s what He wants, and so many of us get caught up in the asking to receive, we forget to give Him the praise and glory He deserves! If He does not answer our specific wants, isn’t He still more than enough to do all that we ask, seek or imagine?
I received so much more this weekend by saying, “Your way, not mine.” I saw friends filled with the Holy Spirit, friendships made stronger, callings come to life, brokenness healed, sickness defeated, and new visions. He spoke to me about just being still. We don’t always have to be so busy! I was able to rest in Him, something I’ve always heard but not really understood.
Slow down. Are you expecting specifics? Have you truly given them to God, and are you being thankful for what He is doing and going to do in your life? Be in the word. Study it and commit it to memory. Then be free in worship. Worship is His time so don’t use that time to keep reminding Him of your specifics. He already knows them! Use that time to just be with Him and open your heart to receive what He wants to do for you.

Verses to read: Psalms 27:3,4; Psalms 46:10; Nehemiah 9:5

I'm still alive....

2008-10-07T07:10:00.001-07:00

Just thought I'd check in with the blogging world and say I have survived my weekend! I don't have time to blog much right now, but later I'll be posting the devotional I'm working on for M&M.
The retreat was as expected, fantastic. It was more than anything a wonderful time of relaxing, refreshing and bonding with my girlfriends! There was also some much needed goofing off...who says that you can't belly flop onto your bed at 28 years old (and older?). Good to be a kid again, sometimes! The ranch was so beautiful and gave me a renewed appreciation of Michigan in the fall. Maybe I'll post some pics later, but I can't make any promises! We had so much fun taking goofy pics throughout the ranch, although Amy was missing! I did think of Kelly much of the pic taking time-we had some great photo opps...you must come next year!
It took leaving the retreat and reflecting on the weekend to realize how much I came away with! Although I did not receive a HUGE WORD on my future and working, there was a lot I did receive and it was great to see my friends filled, healed, and dance in the spirit!
When can we do this again?

And Angela...watch the dang video! Remember, you said you were glue!

Seriously, this is long but REALLY good

2008-09-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I will post it later, but for now, here is a link you can click on. It is about 8 minutes, but WELL worth it. TRUST ME!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Gone Baby Gone

2008-09-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

I know it has been awhile since I blogged. I've been busy with not much to say. Now I have news to report. Sammy is gone! I'm so sad....actually, I'm ok right now, but probably by tonight or tomorrow I'll be freaking out a little! The in-laws came and got him yesterday.....we hung out for a little so he could have fun playing with them and be comfortable, then they left around 4. I won't see him again until SUNDAY! Marty is going Friday while I'm gone to the retreat, then they'll get me from the retreat on Sunday since it's 1/2 hour from my in-laws.

The ever-so-popular question is, "What are you going to do with all your time?" Here is my list of things I'd like to get done:
Visit Missy and baby
Finish "winterizing" what's left of my front flowery area
Go shopping - I need some new clothes BAD
Get my eyebrows waxed
deep clean the house, including basement, walls, cupboards, kid's bedrooms. Throw out junk.
Workout 1 hour every day
go for a bike ride at least two of the days
clean and reorganize my bedroom- it's atrocious
vacuum entire house and mop- I really don't do this often, so that is why it's on the list
scrapbook Sammy's first year. I don't even have a photo album for him!
Paint the kitchen
get Alexis's room ready for her to come on Oct. 11th (her room is our storage room when she is not here!)
work 10 hours a day (Mon- Thurs) so I don't have to use vacation time on Friday.
Pulse on Wednesday
Tennis on Thursday

AND, what I will realistically get done:
Visit Missy and baby
eyebrows waxed
clothes shopping (PRIORITY!)
work 4 10's
Pulse on Wednesday
Tennis on Thursday

I know what you're thinking....Tennis?! Yes, my mom really wants to learn to play and has chosen me to go on this mission with her. We took a 4-week trial class, now we've signed up for 8 weeks, hour and a 1/2 class. That's a whole nother blog though!

Yahooey

2008-09-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

10 days until retreat! Seriously, I bet some of you read this and are like, "SHEESH. Enough already about the retreat!" But, really, I'm stoked. I've been preparing and reading and praying and I know the Lord has something HUGE for the retreat. Yes, God can move anywhere. Most of you probably don't know but the first time I was baptized in the Holy Spirit was in my bedroom all alone at 16! BUT, there is something about round the clock being with the Lord.

Top 10 Reasons I'm ready to go to the retreat:

10. Mini vacation in a beautiful place.
9. Wonderful fall color= great photo opps.
8. Time to think, sit, pray and breathe without stopping to get apple juice or falling on a toy.
7. Being with some great friends.
6. Experiencing a new level in my walk.
5. Hearing from God about where He plans to take me next.
4. I'm going to receive a word from God about things on my prayer list.
3. My friends are going to experience God in a whole new way.
2. I will have more to write about on my blog when I get back.
1. I'm in need of 72 hours of me, God, Godly friends and the renewal that will come with.

Don't get me wrong, I will miss Sammy very VERY much, but this weekend will be great for both me and him because Momma's coming back with a new focus and renewed self!

2008-09-18T07:51:00.001-07:00

"They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Shout out to Christi Stewart for the beautiful picture! I can't wait for retreat. Have I said that at least a dozen times already? Maybe because I am expecting something amazing. Or I'm tired and I need a rest. Or I need to get away with the girls and have a good time. Or, all of the above.

Friends

2008-09-16T06:47:00.001-07:00

I was thinking today about my friends....how they've changed at different times in my life and how God has opened and shut so many doors. Friends I thought for sure I'd have for life have drifted out or been forced out. Some of my closest friends are ones I never thought I'd be so close to or stay in touch with. So as I'm sitting at my computer pondering the reasons certain people have come into my life or remained for so long, I decided to look up quotes on friendship, because I love quotes and I love my friends :) Especially those ones that let me completely unload, maybe more than they really wish they knew and then they still love me and somehow, it deepens our friendship!

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." - Bible: Ecclesiastes

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." (yeah, I know...cheesy)

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out" -Walter Winchell

"The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." -Elizabeth Foley

Can wait to go on retreat with my FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll miss my friends that are not coming:)

My Son, Sam the Ham

2008-09-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Children sure know how to make you want to kick yourself. I can admit, I have not had much patience with my child lately. I have had a lot on my mind and been under a lot of stress, and unfortunately that leaves me with little energy or patience for Sammy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Sammy. I wouldn't trade him for anything! He is so sweet and smart and loving. He's also very energetic ALL the time and happens to be going through this clingy, whiny phase. All he wants is his Mommy. Hey, what can I say? The kid loves me! It also makes me feel incredibly guilty that when I lose my cool or get annoyed when he head butts me in the chin for 1,000th time or digs his feet into my ribcage when climbing up me to get to the dog on the back of the couch that he still loves me and wants me. If I yell at him, he is devasted and needs me to hold him. Not Marty, not Grandma, but Momma, the one that just yelled at him. He loves both of them very much, of course, but when he senses I'm irritated, he wants to be closer! It's like rubbing salt in the wound!

So my little Sammy with the big blue eyes that are hypnotizing would not sleep last night. He kept waking up and calling, "Momma, Momma, Momma!" So I eventually succumbed to crawling into his tiny firetruck bed and laying with him a while. He wraps his tiny arms around my neck and dozed right off, snoring away while I just watched him sleep. Not to get sappy, but there is something about watching your kids sleep. He looked so at peace! Peace ended when this morning after I was all ready for work I had to wake him up. The Grouch was alive! Anyway, so the cutest thing- Sammy found Motorcycle Ken and Barbie in Alexis's room yesterday and decided to sleep with them. Then just when we were heading out the door to daycare this morning, he stopped and ran to his room to get them. He came back proudly holding up the dolls and with the biggest, cheesiest smile (first smile of the morning is the best:) he held up Ken and said, "Daaaaddddyyyy!" and then held of Barbie and yelled, "MOOOOMMMMMMMMMMAAAA!!!!" Then giggled and hugged them both, squeezing hard enough to almost pop a neck off. Then he gave each of them a kiss and took them to daycare with him, smiling as he showed them off to Mary and the other kids that were there. It was so cute, I couldn't make him leave them at home!
Anyway, I just had to share all that. I've been thinking about it all day!

Let's spiritualize, as Ang and I love to do: I can imagine God in Heaven picking us up like that, so proud with a big grin, squeezing us in his arms and loving on us like we can do no wrong! Although, clearly we can :)

My verse of the day

2008-09-11T06:05:00.000-07:00

Every morning I go on Bible Gateway or read a devotional and I read multiple verses until one just strikes me as significant in the moment I am in. When I find it, I know it's "the one"; my verse for the day. I might write it on a post it and attempt to commit it to memory. By the way, memorizing scriptures is so key to growing in God. Being able to recall a verse in an instant to help someone or even help yourself really confirms your commitment. So my verses of the day are 1 Peter 1:6-9. I found it on Bible Gateway and I have to post The Message Bible version, because that Bible cracks me up with its translations. I highly encourage everyone to go on Biblegateway.com and search out some of your favorite verses and see the translation from the Message Bible.
1 Peter 1:6-9
6-7 -I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
8-9- You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.
And for those totally confused because you are so used to NKJV:
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.
I'm not going to blog what this verse means to me or any of that. You take from it what it means to you. We all go through different things at different times and come out a different person. I try to learn something from everything that happens in my life. I want to grow and be molded into what God wants for me. Though no one's life has more promise than someone else's, I know that the greater the calling means often the greater the testing so that your Faith will withstand any trial, struggle or issue that may come your way. He cannot use you as a leader if you cannot lead by example, you can't be a great parent and raise great kids without knowing how to discipline with love- like he disciplines us.
I often use the quote "That which doesn't kill you will make you stronger"...but only if you let it. You can succomb and wallow in your emotions, or you can have Faith and trust in God to get you through the situation and become what HE wants you to be. A leader, a servant, a parent, a mentor, a loving spouse, a strong caregiver, a trusting friend, an example of Him to the unsaved.

My Savior My God

2008-09-08T04:54:00.000-07:00

First, I am not copying Angela. I have been working on a few different blogs and decided on this topic this morning. But, first decided to read Angela's. Wow, we have way too much in common! But, I'm blogging about my topic anyway!

I'm obsessed with music. Worship music. I love lyrics. I won't listen to a song with poor lyrics, even if the melody or beat is great. You know how you have certain songs for certain things you're dealing with, or you hear a song and it really hits you where you're at and you have to listen to it over and over? That is me and my new song of the moment is "My Savior, My God" by Aaron Shust. It is so good! Maybe I think too deep, but I know a few who will appreciate my brain. The song starts out:
"I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior"
How many times do we try to figure out why God let something happen? Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things to good people? We can't figured it out. We are not skilled to understand! All we can do is trust in God, our Savior, who has redeemed us. Through him we can get through the trials because we have Faith, but we cannot even begin to understand the why's. This opening statement also reminds me of the verse, 1 Corinthians 2:9 "...No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind can conceive what God has prepared for those who love Him..." I am HUGE on education. I don't think one should ever stop learning. I'm an advocate of lifelong education, taking classes, teaching others what you've learn. I am constantly googling for more understanding on various issues, words, people, etc (Sarah Palin being my current interest!). No matter how much you try to understand though, you will not being able to comprehend what God has in store for you. I keep repeating that line, "I am not skilled to understand..." just let it sink in! I guess I know who of my faithful few will really let that hit them...Go ahead, Angela. I'm waiting for your interpretation! Leave it as a comment, so others can read it too!
Because I must stop blogging and get to work, I will post the rest of the lyrics below for you to read, and let sink in.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)

2008-09-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

My Bible studying is all over the map (sort of like my brain). I start a book, then end up skipping around the Bible from Old to New to deepen my understanding. At 28 and having gone to church my entire life (hence the name of my blog: Born in a Pew!) and I'm still fascinated by some of my findings. I also am slightly ashamed or embarrassed that I don't know more about scripture. I can't recite amazing scriptures like many others.
Every morning I try to arrive to work early enough to get on Bible Gateway and browse around for something satisfying. Since a passion of mine is knowledge and education I thought that would be a good topic for today. I found this verse and felt it may have some relevance to some of my readers....I'm sorry, I mean both of my readers :)
Proverbs 2:3-5
Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, And find the knowledge of God.
Sometimes I am disappointed in fellow "lifers" (those who have gone to church basically their whole life) who don't have passion. Those who just come to church, sing, listen, go home. Some are Sunday morning only. Some may be involved in some way at church, it's basically a habit and expectation rather than desire. They don't even realize the impact the could have if they gave it their all. As Christians, we have the responsibility to serve others. As lifers, you dang well know better and should realize that you were preserved for HIS purpose. Sure, you may have had a rebelious streak or doubts at some point but God has brought you to this place at this time for HIS purpose. New Christians motivate me. They are passionate, they get involved in every area they can, they go to retreats with excitement and hunger, they participate in Bible studies. They just can't get enough! They make me feel convicted for not having the same passion at times.

I am absolutely geeked about the retreat. I've always been a camp/retreat/conventions type of person. I know they are unique, and help you to break out of the norm. I just wish some of my fellow Christian friends had the same desire to get deep with God and other women. It's time to grow up. I'm not just talking the retreat. Many may not really be able to go: work, infants, prior commitments all have a way of getting in the way. Finances, too- Lord knows I've experienced more than my fair share of that problem. Don't let finances stop you. ALWAYS express your desire to go to a leader and pray about it. God will make a way. M&M is starting up again. What a great way to share your life testimony and pour into to someone OR even better have someone who has gone before you pour into you? And for those who just want to dig deep, our Bible study is starting up again soon. We are living in the last of the last days. Don't let your purpose pass you by because you didn't want to step out of your comfort zone of home.

Positively Random

2008-09-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

I'm even more pumped than ever about the retreat. I'm believing in answers to my questions about my gifts and calling...answers that may scare me, and at the same time be quite exciting! So in honor of the Eagle's Wings retreat that I am so excited for:

Isaiah 40:31 - Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Randomness #2- Buddy ol' pal Amy is back from her fabo vaca. Immediately upon her return, Momma Amy had to experience what I hear is a fantabulous time of year. Back to school! New clothes, school supplies, new high school drama. Love it. I can't wait to catch up and here all the funny stories I'm sure she has to share from her trip. She really should blog rather than just ghost read ours :) We need coffee night. By the way, I never did treat you to coffee for hooking me up with my job! Course, I may need some time before we get together. There are things I can't share and you know how it is when we get together. You always get it out without even meaning to!

Randomness #3- I decided to join the pot on Missy's baby due date. I'm shooting for September 25th. Hold out for me Missy and I'll split the pot with ya! lol....Seriously, Missy is so bummed she can't come to the retreat, like freaking out bummed. Don't worry dear, we'll miss you. Besides your baby is going to be like a week old and he needs full, undivided attention from mommy at that age. Next time, do a little better with the baby planning ;) j/k

Randomness #4- Going to Pulse 8 tonight. Not sure how I'm feeling about it, but James and Janet are great friends of ours and ask Marty and I to be leaders. Marty really wants to and I'm pretty sure I know why I'm hesitant, and frankly, it's a lame excuse so we'll give it a whirl.

Randomness #5- I wore my "little black number" (ANGELA) to work and I can totally feel my baby belly roll resting on my legs. Ok, maybe that was too much.

Unforgiveness

2008-09-02T05:19:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you guys, but Sunday's message on forgiveness really hit me. I've grown up a Christian, so I have heard pretty much every message preached in a variety of ways. Sometimes, my mind wanders away from the preacher and on to my list of tasks because 1) I'm pretty sure that I know what scriptures the preacher is going to use to support his message, 2) I can summarize his message before he finishes, or 3) I just don't want to here it again. I know, that's so rude!
But, Sunday for some reason struck a chord. It caused me to think about my actions and the actions of others that I have not forgiven. Actions I just didn't want to think about. I'm one who is always, "I'm fine, just fine." "Nothing bothers me. I'm too strong to let it get to me." "I'm over it." "We're all human, I don't expect perfection.""Whatever, I'm not going to let someone hurt me." But then I shut out my real feelings. I don't forgive the person. I ignore it completely. I lose trust and see no need in trusting. Then bitterness sets in. And depression. And anxiety. Most the time you don't even realize that those are the physical effects of unforgiveness.
You know what we do by harboring unforgiveness? We try to take the control from God and take it in our own hands. We are saying we don't trust God to handle it. I used to think if I forgave easily, that it was letting that person off the hook. They would be easily forgiven, happy to go on their way. I would be the one left with the hurt. But, if you chose to forgive, you are helping yourself more than you are helping them. You are trusting God to take the hurt away, making room for Him to move and BLESS you. And He will bless you greatly for "doing the right thing." Doesn't mean that person isn't wrong, it doesn't mean they won't pay for their sin. You are just releasing control of the situation so that God can move in that person's life. I used to think that forgiving was like saying, "It's ok." Or in other words, "no big deal. It's ok you stabbed me in the back and was a filthy liar." But forgiving THEM is not taking away their sin. God has to do that, they have to repent for themselves. And really, think about it. Yes, they greatly hurt you. Clearly, they need Jesus. Deep down, more than anything, rather than punishing them wouldn't you rather them receive Jesus and all He has to offer? All I have to say is, you reap what you sow. Sow mercy, reap mercy, sow judgement, reap judgement, sow bitterness, reap bitterness.
I have to forgive two people. One person I don't even know and I struggled with forgiving them. How, if I can't talk to them, see them, don't know anything about them? But, I can forgive them in my heart, pray for them (Luke 6:27,28) and let God do the rest.

2008-08-29T06:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I started the week with a blog, so I might as well end the week with a blog. I've had an interesting week to say the least. I've really been seeking God on the retreat coming up and know God is going to move in a mighty way. If you aren't planning on going, you better change your mind. If you are planning on going, get ready to receive from Him in ways you never imagined. I have a vision for my future and I'm believing that will be confirmed and new steps revealed. What are you believing to receive that weekend? My suggestion: begin praying NOW for what you want to receive from God. Don't just let the next 5 weeks float by and wait until you get there. What questions do you have for God? Where do you want to be right now in your life? I don't mean a beach in Cancun- Amy is already there! And I'm sure she is connecting with God while there and praying about the retreat and us women. But, spiritually, where do you want to be?
These are questions I've been asking myself pretty much all month. I want my life to dramatically change! I want to be home more, I want my vision for ministry to come to pass now! I've never seen myself as a full-time employee of the world. I mean NEVER. When I was 14 at church camp I KNEW my life would be in ministry. At 28, I don't understand why I am where I am. But God does, and that's all that matters. There are two verses that I think of daily, and have for the last 10 years, no joke. They just pop in my mind at random times:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I think of my life and all the disappointments, stupid decisions, the hurts I've endured, the anger, and again-the stupid decisions! I think how can I have hope and a future after all of this?! Where was God? The anwer is simple- He was there. He always is. He didn't tell me to go to the parties or hang out with that person. He begged me not to. But I ignored Him. I have free will, so he let me go. But He was with me the whole time, protecting me and keeping me safe. Through dumb choices He was right there because His plan was for me to have hope and a future. When I was hurt and my heart was broken- He was there, holding me, picking up the pieces. Comforting me when I was sure I'd never get past the pain and disappointment. He's always right there. You just have to talk to Him and you have to want the help and healing.
28"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose."
I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I've done stupid things that have affected my life. But God takes that bad and turns it for good. I am the type of person that takes EVERY experience and tries to see a lesson learned in it. I think of those times people have let me down and how I would think, "How will I ever forgive them, or get past this?" That answer is also simple. You turn to God because that which the enemy has done for evil, He will make good.

So this blog is really more personal. Not many will "get" it. But maybe someone is thinking like me, feeling like me, ready for the next level. Ready for life to really begin. I don't have my quirky jokes that most people don't find funny anyway! And maybe this is a little to serious for the casual reader. But I wanted to share and get it off my chest and quite possibly, it has touched someone where they are at. That is my hope :)
OH- and three very important songs in my life (I don't have a way to add them on here or I would):
What a Wonderful Maker - I prefer the Jeremy Camp version
Call on Jesus- Nicole C. Mullen
I Am- Mark Shultz (this is a recent addition to my special songs list)

Longest blog so far....

2008-08-25T06:16:00.000-07:00

Marty often says if I were a stay at home mom, I wouldn't be able to handle Sammy. I get really irritated because I feel like the reason I do stress out with Sammy is because I'm not home with him so I don't have the patience I should have. Well, last night was NOT my night to prove Marty wrong. Sammy is in this phase where he wants to get up 15 times in an hour when we're trying to get him to go to bed. I started late, at 8:30 last night. He had fallen asleep around 6 in the car after a hard day of play with Gerry, Christian and Tiara. I let him sleep for about 30 minutes, knowing it would push bedtime back.
First- let me talk about him playing with "the boys". It was hilarious! They were chasing each other around up and down the stairs, in Christian's room, in Missy's room, in the kitchen, back up the stairs. Then they found JOY (not Ford, but the emotion) in jumping up and down on Missy and Jay's big bed, while watching Word World, of course. I go upstairs to get Sammy so we can go, and he doesn't want to leave. Jason and Bob tell me that him, Gerry and Christian have been hugging and giggling for like 15 minutes and having a blast. When Sammy saw me coming he giggled, looked at Christian, and then the two of them hurried and climbed under the covers and then popped their heads out and pretended to be napping, sharing a pillow....of course with big cheesy grins on their faces! It was probably one of those had to be there things, but I promise, just visualize it. It was so cute! I of course, did not have my camera handy, darn it!
SOOOOO, back to last night. I'm laying on the couch, too exhausted to go to bed, stressed because my child keeps getting up. This is how it when for an hour: Sammy gets in bed, we say prayers, I tell him he has to stay in bed, he tells me I'm going potty, I agree, he says night night, I say good night, I walk out, shut door and cross fingers. I sit on couch, hear pitter patter of little feet, hear door open, hear door shut, more pitter patter, then "HI MOMMY!" and he walks over to his toys and begins to play. I get up, pick him up, he throws fit, I don't care, I put him in bed, and the above begins again. So by 10pm, I'm WIPED OUT. I'm talking to Marty about Christmas gifts for Alexis since she is our expensive child. Sammy comes in the room for what seems like the 1500th time and decides to be "cute" by wanting to cuddle with Mommy. He climbs up, gets hyper and bashes my mouth with his head. I KNOW it was not intentional but GOOD HEAVENS it hurt like nothing else. I seriously thought my teeth went through my lower lip. I pushed him off me, got up, yelled something about how I can't handle this child and I don't want anymore EVER and went off to the bathroom to spit. Let me tell you, I LOVE my child dearly and I was so mad at myself for getting so upset! I feel like I have less patience because I'm not with him during the day. His "routine" and behavior is really set by the sitter, who watches 10 other kids and as great as she is, she can't see everything they do wrong so they can't be as disciplined as I would have him if I were home. So of course feeling this way, only makes me feel worse, like I'm a terrible mom who doesn't deserve children. Then I think of the idiots out there who are reproducing and shouldn't, like my brother's ex who is having #2, can't afford #1, is a terrible mother, can't hold a job, is disgusting and rude, but will likely keep popping them out as long as God keeps her fertile. That's a whole nother blog though, one that I won't write because I'm not sure it would be Christ-like.
Ok, so the moral of this blog is: we all get over-stressed and contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. :) Today I will make a New Year's Resolution (in August) to try not to overthink everything and be more patient with my child. I may hate working and being away from him, but it's not his fault and I need to accept that it is my calling for now.

2008-08-22T05:49:00.000-07:00

You Are Chai Tea

There are many subtle sides to your personality. You are difficult to decode.

You are a complex and deep individual. You have many nuanced beliefs, and your mood frequently changes.

You are a creative and expressive person. You draw your inspiration from the whole world.

You enjoy exotic food, music, and travel. Your tastes are very international.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

Jimeny Crickets

2008-08-21T05:28:00.001-07:00

I truly believe crickets are of the devil. The Lord may have created them, but when he cast Lucifer out, I believe the crickets went with him. There is NO way Noah's wife would allow crickets on the ark. I just can't believe it to be true.

I hate crickets. Loathe them. I for real have an unhealthy problem with crickets. When I hear one that I think may be too close for comfort, I freak. Seriously, like a panic attack. My heart starts beating too fast, it's hard to breathe, I get a nervous sweat and I become paralyzed, especially when I don't know where it is hiding. Once it appears jumping around in my sight, I either run for the hills screaming like a banchee, or I whip out my handy can of super strength outdoor Raid (yes, even inside) and I use 1/2 a can and spray it til it's dead. I am not joking, I know it's weird, and I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but ask Marty. I seriously need therapy about crickets!

So ever since the infestation of crickets that happened to my home in the summer of 2005, Marty has been pretty good at doing the perimeter spray. Everyday this summer, starting in May, I reminded him to do it, and he put it off and put it off. Then he just used this 6-week stuff that we happened to have. I told him and told him to go to Home Depot and get the super duty, extra strength Raid stuff, and he put it off and put it off. Low and behold my people, last night I heard a cricket in the basement. Thank GOD it was not upstairs. But just knowing a cricket is jumping around, having a blast in MY basement with MY stuff and MY clothes is just so irritating I could spit. Or scream. I'm not kidding, it's a little hard to breathe right now just thinking about needing to do laundry tonight. I honestly won't do it until I can be sure there are no alive crickets in my basement. Or dead ones for that matter. I can't even stand to see the lifeless shell of a cricket. I want to vomit now.

Am I ridiculous or what? It's a freaking CRICKET. A black, 2 inch insect. I'm not afraid of spiders. I mean I get a little creeped out, but I can kill a spider. Not a daddy long legs. Ew. They might wrap their legs around my shoe and eat through it or something. But crickets will crunch when you step on it, and ooze and goo...they also can jump like 6 feet and they rub their legs together just to annoy us and keep us awake. Darn them. DARN THEM.

My son the perfectionist

2008-08-19T07:26:00.000-07:00

Sammy. Gotta love him. Sweet and caring, affectionate, smart. Love it. But, strong-willed and tempermental is he. Most mornings are extremely stressful for me, no matter what time we wake up. Let me tell you a typical morning, this morning for example: I woke up at 6am. My eyes were throbbing, begging for another 30 minutes. I dragged myself to the kitchen and made tea. Sammy was still sleeping. I drank my tea in 10 minutes, sitting on the couch in silence. No tv. No kid. No Marty. My brain was still asleep, and I couldn't even pray. I was zoning, for sure. Then with my last sip, "BLLLLAAAAAHHH"....feet pitter-pattering in the distance, door opens then shuts, more pitter-pattering and Sammy pops around the corner into the front room, "Uh, momma, mommy, want numanum." That is his new word for milk. Not sure where it came from. Probably daycare. So I get up and put his milk in a sippy that has a frog on it. No. Not good enough. He wanted the red one with the boat. He threw himself in the floor and cried and cried. Yep. I gave in. I put it in the red one with the boat. It really didn't matter. So we go get him dress. I pull out jean shorts. No, he wanted the khaki shorts. I continue to struggle to get the jean shorts on and he is screaming bloody murder over these khakis. They match his shirt, so fine. If my little "metro" man wants the khakis, it's not a big deal. We switch and he is happy. Shoes. The dreaded moment of getting dressed. He loves shoes. Today he insisted on his Spiderman slippers. I tell him no and insist on sandals. He runs to the front room and puts his slippers on the best he can, then hides behind the couch so I can't take them off him. By this time, I need in the shower and I'm sure I'm going to be late for work. So I give up, turn on Wiggles and let him wear his slippers. Thankfully, Mary, my sitter, understands Sammy's "needs" and doesn't mind when he is wearing slippers in August, or hauling in random toys, backpacks, Alexis's Barbie laptop. It's security I guess. She is also aware of his need to have everything just right. If it's not, watch out. Yep, I know what you're thinking, it's a little scary...Autism, Asberger's, Sensory Integration, ODD, OCD, it's all way overdiagnosed these days. I still chalk him up to being an everyday 2-year old that has some quirks. I'm sure it's just slight paranoia when my mind floats to those things, what mom doesn't get a little freaked from time to time when their kid picks up on something too quick or freaks out over dirt? He's my little happy guy, and he's smart and healthy, so that's all that matters!
We had a really fun week last week. Tuesday we went to see the Wiggles at the Palace with Ang and Liv. He was fascinated with all the lights, especially the light wands they sold for an overpriced $17. Pretty much all the kids had them and Sammy freaked out trying to get one from every kid he saw. I opted for the $17 tee shirt instead, since it would last longer. He'll be wearing it until he's 4 at least! As soon as I bought it, he was trying to take his shirt off to put that one on, screaming, "MINE MINE MINE. MY SHIRT MY SHIRT MY SHIRT!" as we walked away from the counter. Then Friday, I was talking to my mother-in-law and I thought, hmmm we should meet 1/2 way somewhere so they can see Sammy. So we went to Crossroads Village/Huckelberry Railroad on Saturday. Lucky us, Day Out with Thomas was going on! He had such a good time. Check out my myspace for pics:) What a great event, too....it's cheaper there then when it comes to Greenfield Village. I totally want to go again this weekend, but I'll resist. It was cool though. Do I hear a mommy event for next August?

2008-08-15T07:56:00.001-07:00

I've been reading this book, Lost Women of the Bible. It's a very interesting take on some of the less familiar, less admired women of the Bible. I'm thoroughly enjoying the study guides at the end of each chapter, although I'm not even 1/2 way into the book. I don't have much time for reading! Anyway- so from reading this I'm becoming totally fascinated by the women of the Bible. Their stories play like well-made films in my mind. Films that probably Angela would want to go see at the Main Art Theatre. Yesterday I went with my mom to Family Christian and found that the $5 member special is Extraordinary Women of the Bible by Elizabeth George. Of course, I had to buy it. I wanted to buy a few and give them as gifts to all my friends, but instead I was buying Alexis a CD by a new band, and some other small clearance items for Christmas, and well, I'm on a budget! So I wanted to blog and tell everyone they should go get this book! For me, I'm digging the Lost Women because, hey, we've all been lost, are lost, or both! But I want to read all these books. I am a woman (which still sounds old to me), I want to know my heritage, where I've come from in my Christian life, the history, the women who have paved the way, the women who should be our role models...ok, not Jezebel, but we can learn from many of the "Bad Girls". Another book I will need to add to my collection.
SOOOO for those who love the FC $5 member specials, here they are: Extraordinary Women of the Bible; Every Man's Battle; Best of Selah Hymns; a few other CD's,;First of May (a family film, looks cute, bought that, too!); a 3-pack Bible dictionary, theasarus, something else that I can't remember; a stand-up comedy DVD; and some book I think called Living the Life You Want. I wanted to buy the whole dang store. I get that way everytime I go there.

MAMA MIA!!!!

2008-08-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

My mom is so funny. She rarely goes to the movies anymore, but she went Friday with my Aunt to see Mama Mia. I was a little surprised because I didn't think that was her type of movie. It's a musical, and well, musicals turned into movies aren't always that great. All my mom could talk about on Saturday was this movie. She LOVED it. I figured it was because it had been so long since she went to the movies that she was a little over excited about finally getting out.

So last night my mom INSISTS we go see Mama Mia, and the neighbor, who has 5 kids under 8 and gets out less than I do, left the kids with her husband and came with us. Seriously, the movie was SO funny, if you like Abba music and giddy song and dance! I LOVED it. It really brought back my love for acting and I sort of daydreamed while watching the movie that I was in the movie, too :) Seriously, those people had to have had a blast filming. I secretly wished last night that I had stayed in Hollywood when I had a chance, but no, I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings who sucked it up at the auditions, so I threw my movie career out the window. I could have been a HUGE STAR....ok, more like I probably would have made a "career" out of being an extra. But whatever, it would have been so fun!

And for those who think the star looks really familiar, but can't quite place the face....blonde ditz from Mean Girls. "I think I have ESPN or something!" Yep.

ODE TO ANGELA

2008-08-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

I was hoping this would be an exciting surprise for my dear friend. I have planned for a month to blog an ode to Angela, but she kind of beat me to the punch. Oh well. My top 26 things about Angela, in no real order:

26. She is suberbly hilarious
25. My Matron of Honor
24. 7 years of great memories
23. UNDERSTANDS
22. Partner in future ministry
21. Great mom
20. Very creative/intelligent/business savvy/skilled
19. A film buff like I
18. Great taste in music
17. Loves Starbucks and Frappucino's, like I
16. Awesome hair
15. The best sense of humor
14. So gullible- Yes, I road the Diamond Jack with James McEvoy!
13. Can know what I'm thinking without me saying a word
12. Emails, emails, emails
11. Laughs with me, even when we aren't saying words
10. Love that Liv....was there when she was born. Not literally in the room during, but minutes after!
9. Our kids love each other. Alexis calls Liv "her little sister".
8. Our husbands get along. They used to be roomates. The rest is history.
7. Up for anything, loves to try to new things.
6. Will walk up and pray with someone in the Applebee's parking lot because "Pastor Pat" would
5. Everyone loves an Italian Girl
4. Listens to me vent, and I do the same
3. Beautiful inside and out
2. Honest and blunt, yet careful with people's feelings.
1. in one word, FABULOUS

Motherhood: Some Thoughts

2008-08-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

As I was getting ready for work today, I was thinking about motherhood. I thought about how being a mom has completely changing my thought process, goals, work, life...everything. I thought about how I want to be a stay at home mom, something I would have cringed at 10 years ago. Then I thought about Mary....was she a stay at home mom? I assume, since Joseph was a carpenter, probably his own business. She may have helped out in the shed. I thought about what Jesus may have been like as a child, since the only childhood thing mentioned is when he was 12 at the Tabernacle. Since he did not have an inherited sinful nature and was perfect, what was he like as a two year old? And how did he know to not pull the goat's tail? Did he never break something valuable or throw away his mom's shoe? If Joseph got a splinter, did Jesus supernaturally remove it for him, painlessly? Seriously though, what kind of perks did Mary and Joseph get for looking after Jesus? And really, how much "looking after" did they have to do? Did they scold him? No, he was perfect so they likely never had to. Did they tell him what to do, how to be a man? OR, did he tell THEM what to do, and how to live a sinless life? Did he tell them he was ashamed or disappointed when they sinned or argued? I really wonder what that home was like. I imagine peace, quiet and calm. Laughter and love. I imagine that Jesus sat in the floor and told elaborate stories of what was to come, and Mary and Joseph would laugh thinking what a great imagination. And then those things would happen and they'd be astonished. Course, after one or two miracles from their 4 year old, I'm sure it stopped being shocking and was more, "Yep, that's my boy."
Those are just some thoughts that went through my head today. As my mom would always tell me when I had questions she couldn't answer, I guess I'll have to wait until I get to Heaven to ask Jesus himself.

Ah, Sugar Sugar

2008-07-25T05:01:00.000-07:00

Sugar- thought to be made by God, thought to be a heavenly product. So sweet, pure, kind. Tasty. I really don't actually have much of a sweet tooth per se, but I love lattes, frapps, sugar in my tea. That sort of thing.

***NEWSFLASH*** Sugar is the enemy!!!! It's sits on the right hand of satan! Think about it. Carbs are like wolves in sheep's clothing! Carbs break down into sugar in your body and sugar makes you fat. Candy, cake, even yogurt and fat free cappucinos are loaded with sugar. A minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips is what my mom's friend used to always say! It seems inviting, yummy, delightful then BAM. You have those pesky pounds that won't go away! Darn you, satan! DARN YOU!!!!! (Angela, use the voice like, grrr. CINTAS! With a dramatic yell on the last darn you!)

So, I'm going to make an effort to cut back on sugar. Thankfully, I'm not really a cake, ice cream, candy kind of person. But I am a carbs kind of person. So in the fashion of my friend Debs, I'm going to cut way back on sugar during the week. Saturday and Sunday I can cheat, but still be careful not to over indulge. Now, I'm going to be realistic. I will have carbs and sugar during the week. I'm just cutting back. No pop, no dessert-type foods, limit breads, no pasta, limit dairy (chock full of sugar), cut amount of sugar in my tea to 1/2, no carb-filled snacks like Cheez-It's. And this starts of course today. After I finish my Hazelnut Iced Coffee from McD's. It's not sweet, but there is cream and I'm sure carbs...darn you satan, darn you.

My headache

2008-07-24T04:48:00.001-07:00

I have a crazy headache right now, but dang gone it, I'm blogging. For days I have been researching ways to make money from home (with no avail) and now I'm not sure if my headache is sinuses, stress or this new lotion I picked up at Bath and Body that smells wonderful, but maybe a little strong.
I've been sort of down this week, surely because Alexis is gone and Marty and I both get into a bit of a funk and can't quite figure out why. So I decided on some retail therapy last night. When I got home from work, I fed Sammy and off we went. I (gasp) skipped church so I could spend some one on one time with my boy (Marty had to work late). I debated between Fairlane and Southland, which is strange since I never go to Fairlane, so off to Southland we went. FYI- Children's Place Monster Sale. Nuff said. I got 5 shirts for $10. We went to Disney Store, American Eagle, Bath and Body...farted around. I did get two shirts for myself at AE, but instantly felt guilty when I left the store. Why is that? Why feel guilty? I have to have clothing. And I don't mean, "Oh, I have nothing to wear!" and my closet it jam packed. No, I literally have nothing to wear. I mean, I have some clothes, but I don't have much for this weather. Or fall either. Or winter. Or....oh, nevermind. Since I'm carrying an extra 20 lbs since pre-baby, I have a hard time finding clothes.
So funny Angela blogged about guacamole. I rarely eat after 7:30, definitely not dinner that late. So we get back from the mall at about 8pm and I'm fine. Then Marty gets home at 8:30 and brought home McDonald's Big Mac and fries. FRRRRIIIIEEEESSSSSS. yum.
I tell him, "Uh, we have spaghetti, and it's dee-lish."
"You didn't tell me you made dinner."
"You didn't ask. Couldn't you assume?"
"Ok, fine. So I wanted McDonalds."
"Thanks for seeing if I wanted something."
"You don't eat this late."
"You still didn't ask." So then I got up and ate Cheez-It's. I love Cheez-It's and hot tea. I know, weird. But that dang Big Mac smelled so wonderful, my stomach actually started growling. But, I had dinner and two pieces of bread with it, plus the stupid Cheez-It's as a snack! I DON'T EVEN LIKE BIG MACS. So like Ang, I fought the temptation to feed my belly something I didn't really need. Then I just went to bed and thought about how I wish I had a hot, juicy cheeseburger with pickles. And fries.

"McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?" - Jay Leno

ew, mornings

2008-07-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

I know this is no major revelation, but I am not a morning person. I have to use some super human power to drag myself out of bed, into the shower. Once there, my mind drifts to the many things I wish I could do this day rather than work. Work is such an interference when there are other important things I need to do. Then I usually realize I've been in the shower too long, so I hurry out, brush teeth, put contacts in, rush back to my room and try to figure out what I'm going to wear before Sammy wakes up. This works 1/2 the time. And yes, people, I have done the "pick your outfit out the night before"....it just doesn't always work out. The pants are more wrinkled than I thought and I'm too lazy to run to the basement to either iron them or throw them in the dryer or the shirt must have shrunk because surely I didn't gain weight or something. Or, I remember that it is 20 degrees in the office and this short sleeve shirt just won't do. I just need better time management. But, how can I improve on time management when I just don't have the time to manage?

So I haven't been to the Y in, oh about 6 weeks...the approximate length of time Alexis has been here. I do plan to jump back on the wagon today. I just can't get motivated. I can't tell if it's because I'm exhausted and drained or if I'm entering this funk I often enter when it is time for Alexis to return to the enemy's camp. I need a strong cup of coffee and a Prozac. Just kidding! I know, all I need is Jesus. Thankfully, I do have a Savior who cares for me and I have that hope. Can you imagine life with no hope? You might as well crawl under a rock and wait to die! Ok, that was harsh, but really! Atheists must be miserable folk. Oh, or my mom's friend is a Unitarian. They believe in God in some sorts, but they believe when you die, your body just becomes one with the Earth again. You don't go to Heaven or Hell or even Purgatory. You just die.

Well, my babbling thoughts for the day are done. I must get some work done. I'm praying for the day that I'll be a stay at home mommy, or work part-time. Until then, I am a slave to "the man".

Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it. - Henry Ford

Friday, again? Already?

2008-07-18T09:40:00.000-07:00

So today I realize, CRAP it's Friday. Normally Friday's are a thrill....whooohooo, weekend! But, today I realize Alexis is going up north tomorrow evening to spend the next two weeks with Marty's parents. So our time with her ends this weekend. We didn't go to the zoo. We didn't go to the beach, Splash Park or Turtle Cove. We didn't go camping or to Great Wolf Lodge. We didn't go to Chicago or Niagara Falls. Those are all things that were on our list of fun things to do, but just like every summer, it went by way too fast! It sucks, because since I work full-time and too new to have much vaca time, work interfered with fun. She did go to two weeks of YMCA camp and we did spend a lot of time as family just hanging out. She also swam at her friend's in their gigantic pool just about every day. It's a depressing feeling, knowing we're "throwing her to the wolves" in just two weeks. Sending her back to the enemy's camp. Yes, we pray for her daily, and over the next two weeks I will fervently pray for a miracle and that she ends up staying. Unfortunately, I know deep down it's not time yet. God is still doing something. As much as I can't take the waiting, God's timing is always perfect, so still I must wait. Although I'm very sad she is leaving, at least I will be able to have more time for me and to get things done. Life sort of stops when she is here and chaos sets in for the 5 or so weeks. Then she leaves and the big projects begin. Here is a partial listing of August projects. 1/2 will go undone, I'm sure:
1. Landscaping. My yard is in dispair.
2. Paint the kitchen, paint the cabinets, change the hardware.
3. Paint the bedroom.
4. Paint Alexis's bedroom.
5. Paint the basement.
6. Paint the basement floor.
7. Get new exterior doors.
8. Decorate the bathroom. I think after 4 years, it's time to decorate.
9. Scrapbook for Sammy. I'm laughing at the thought that I may actually get to do this.

Anyone wanting to come over, hang out, HELP out, let's do it.

THE BIG "2"!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-17T04:53:00.000-07:00

Today, July 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm my little baby will turn TWO years old! I cannot believe how time has flown by. It's ridiculous! I can remember pregnancy, the hospital, preparing his room and bringing that little bundle home just like it was yesterday! The first few months he was home is a bit of a blur because the adjustment was quite overwhelming, but if I think about it hard enough, it all comes back. Now my little fiery, energetic baby is a running, screaming, chatterbox!

Of course, the obvious question that I get so often these days is, "So when you going to have another?" Now, I don't mind when it comes from people I know- all of you who read the blog are safe, even if we really don't get to chat that much these days. But, you know those people that you don't even know, maybe you've met them, maybe you haven't, but they notice this toddler and strike up conversation about what a darling he is and then BAM with the question. Sometimes I want to say, "What does it matter to you?" But, I don't. I'm not really that mean. I just smile and nod, act exhausted and say never. One is enough. He wears me out. I have two already. Sometimes I like to throw in there that I have a nine year old daughter and watch the expression on their faces go from confused to judgemental before I add the part that she is my stepdaughter. So to answer the question for my faithful reader...I mean readers, it is now in God's hands. Yes, we want more children and I want to be able to work part-time if I can't stay home full-time when the next one comes along. So things are coming along in that area and hopefully sometime in 2009 or early 2010 we will welcome another little Mouser. Doesn't 2010 sound REALLY far away? I remember thinking for SURE the rapture would happen before 2001. Course, I still remember the frenzy of 88 reasons the Lord will return in 1988. And I was only 8.

My Big Boy

2008-07-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

It is official. Sammy is a Big Boy. Ok, semi-official, but shhhh...don't tell him. He's starting to use the potty a few times a day, especially at the sitter's, where she is potty-training 3 other kids. He likes to "run with the big guns" there and now instead of napping with the "babies", he naps with the big kids on a mat in the play room. She said he does so good and doesn't try to get up and run around or anything!

The other big step......BIG BOY BED. gasp with me. I came home from work yesterday and Marty had taken down the crib. boo hoo. I didn't get one last look at him bouncing on the side or reaching his arms through the bars to grab my leg. I would have taken an extra minute to get him up in the morning had I known! My mom bought him one of those Firetruck beds by Step2. It is SO cute and he loves it! He slept in it last night, perfectly. It has a light on top that shuts off after a few minutes and he just thinks it is so cool! Actually, he tried to take the mattress out because it was in his "way" of standing in front of the steering wheel! It's so cute though! It takes up more room that I thought it would, so I need to rearrange the room, get a small/medium book shelf and pack up the toys he doesn't play with.

So July 17th, at 7:21pm he will officially turn 2 years old!

Well...on the summer goes

2008-07-07T13:16:00.000-07:00

Sammy survived, and so did I. We returned home yesterday, oh around 3:30pm. He was thrilled to see my mom, who came down around 3:40pm to see him, er...us (let me remind you, she lives 6 houses away!) It is GOOD to be home. I don't feel the same about being back at work, but well, what can I do.

Strange to think, Alexis is only here two more weeks! Technically, four, but two with us, then almost two with his parents. I don't think it will be good for her to be up there that long, but our hands our tied. Just pray for Alexis!

Sammy is going to be TWO in 10 days. It's CAR RA ZY. I have nothing planned, as of yet. We are "party people" and I'm not really going to throw a party per se, probably just have the family (cringe) over for cake and ice cream. I'll have to invite the neighbors and their 5 kids, since well, they are RIGHT THERE and invite us to everything. Plus, Alexis is BFF's with their oldest and nothing will ever pry those two apart.

Kell- is Maddy a FREAK about clothes? Good LORD ALMIGHTY send me mercy from Heaven. This child cannot match an outfit to save her blessed soul. I have run out of ways to explain to her why that pink, shear summer skirt does not match the green long sleeved t-shirt. It's like teaching me about trigonometry...ain't gonna get it so don't even try. Oh, and she wants to wear that outfit with her pink and gray, dirty Sauconi sneakers and purple Hannah Montana socks.

Onward Christian Soldiers....

2008-06-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been feeling like I am in a never-ending battle of flesh vs. spirit and it's getting pretty old. This Sunday is the healing service at church and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to not only receive, but to give as well. I will be fervently (that's for you, Ang) seeking the Lord for the next three days so that on Sunday morning I can walk right into the Sanctuary ready for go time! What will happen if me and the two people (ok maybe three) that read this blog ALL fervently prayed this whole weekend for this Sunday's service? What about fasting? Might not be a bad idea. I'm expecting something great Sunday AM.

O....M...G....just to be a little teenagerish. I didn't blog about the fact that for some strange reason I have decided, without being pressured, to allow Sammy to go up north with my in-laws and Alexis on Saturday evening. I know. Breathe. First, I was totally against it. He doesn't really know them, he's clingy, I think he's too young, etc....but when we started making the plans for Alexis to go up, I thought, "hmm...we'll be going up on Wednesday. Maybe Sammy should go on Saturday, too." I don't know what I was thinking, and I'm slightly regreting it, but I'm sticking to it. I think he'll be ok. My mom is freaking out and thinks I've lost my marbles. She thinks he will be a mess and get "mad" at me and feel abandoned. But I have an unusual peace about it. I think because God wants me totally undistracted on Sunday morning so that I can give and receive. Marty, unfortunately, has to work on Sunday. Pretty bummed about that. I really wanted him there. That's ok, thankfully the Lord is everywhere, not just FCA.

So if on Sunday I am sobbing, it could be the move of the Holy Spirit, but it could also be that I realized what a NUTBALL I was for sending my precious, darling hellian, I mean Samuel, away for nearly 4 days. Ok, now that I'm basically saying it outloud, I'm freaking out a bit.

Itchy pits

2008-06-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

That's right people. I have itchy armpits. I don't know what the deal is, but it is driving me crazy. I guess it must be a longlasting case of razor burn and it is getting ridiculous. It's been about a month I would say. I even found this cream that I had used for Sammy when he had a little rash on his "man parts" and I tried that. Not working. Yesterday I went all day without deodarant, still my pits are flaming today. For those who don't know, I'm mid-treatment on getting my pits lasered. Yep, laser hair removal. I hate shaving my armpits, and here is a prime example as to why laser hair removal will save my life. The crappy thing is, next week is my next session, and sessions are 11 weeks apart. I don't want to delay the process any longer but I can't get my pits zapped when they are burning like a pit of fire from hell is lingering beneath the skin! Anyone ever experience this or know of a miracle cream/cure?

So, being inspired by Angela's poop blog, I decided to buy some Activia yesterday at Sam's Club. By the way, Marty gave me $90 to go to the store and buy the following: Dog food, diapers, fruit, yogurt and his bottle Arizona green tea. He was the one who wanted me to go to Sam's Club for these things. So I get the 50lb bag of dog food that is $22, diapers are $30, I get most of what is on the list, but didn't buy apples or bananas because I knew I was spending too much. It is Sam's Club people. A good deal, but $$ if you aren't careful. Do I really need to buy this box of applesauce? I mean it has 64 cups for only $9 but really? Do we need this much? Anyway, I spent WAY over budget and had to whip out the debit card and spend my "set aside for the ridiculous gas prices" money so now I have $5 for gas this week and I'm just above 1/4 tank. Great. So I tell him I'm going to need some money and good LORD you thought I told him to go outside and lay down under the car while I back over him. Seriously, he is so WEIRD about money it is insane. And it is likely why we never seem to have any. Oh, but back to the Activia. I don't necessarily have the same plumbing problems, but I get crazy bloated at random times. I can wake up fine, and then two hours later look about 4 months preggo, even if I haven't eaten. So strange. So this Activia is supposed to help with bloating. We'll see if it helps me. I'll be sure to let you all know.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FRIEND

2008-06-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

ODE TO AMY

I'm no poet, so this will be a ramble. Happy Birthday to the great Amy Rennie, who has reach the ripe ol' age of....well, I'm not sure so lets guess 29. Oh, Amy with the spikey brown, no red, no blonde, no...chestnut colored hair. Amy who leads us women in becoming strong, independent yet submissive women. Dearest Amy, so fun, so bubbly, such a jokester, yet so serious. Equal parts mature and laid back, a sharp dresser is she. With a flair for fashion, and the confidence to try new colors and styles...and yes that big Easter hat once a year.

Amy is like a bright ray of sunshine busting through the dreary gray skies on a blah, rainy, Michigan-weather kind of day. The room ignites with laughter and smiles when Amy is around. She will lend you a shoulder to cry on, an ear that listens, a hand to hold, and ride to Warren to see an old dear friend.

To AMY- A FABULOUS wife, mother, role model, mentor, friend, sister, daughter, minister, fashionista and hostess with the mostess.

I wish I had a picture to upload to share my beautiful friend's face with the world, but I have not unloaded my camera yet, so I'm sorry.

THANKS AMY FOR BEING YOU. HOPE YOU HAD A FABULOUS BIRTHDAY ON SUNDAY, and a FABULOUS BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: It has been brought to my attention that she is also a fantabulous cousin! See comments.

A whole lot of nothing...

2008-06-13T06:59:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I would. Except, I don't have much to say. Alexis is here, she got here last Friday. She has really grown a lot. She wears about a size 10 in pretty much everything. Funny, all the clothes her mom packed are 6x or 7 and too small. Funny how she can wear that small of clothes in KY and then BAM arrives in Michigan and suddenly wears a 10? Weird. She even brought a size 6/6x bikini that is brand spankin' new. I left that in her suitcase and it will not see daylight during our time. It barely covers the "essential" parts!
So, yes people...we have to buy Alexis some clothing and it really aggravates me to no stinkin' end because she quite clearly does not fit the clothes she brought, and the fact that she KNOWS her mom knew they didn't fit and she even told her mom that those don't fit and her mom still sent them. Alexis was so upset and embarrassed. Whatever. The Lord will reward us and take care of us is what I have to remind myself!
I have decided now a topic for my book. If you read one of my blogs long ago, I said I wanted to write books but that I was having writer's block. Well, I'm going to write something for step-mom's. There isn't a lot out there from a Christian perspective. I belong to a stepmom website and from reading everyone's posts, I think there is a need! Maybe a devotional or something would be good. hmmmm......I've begun my research and now I just need to find the time to work on it!

2008-06-03T06:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I blogged. Not that there hasn't been the usual amount of chaos in my life, I just didn't want to be depressing or boring:)
Alexis is coming on Friday evening. I'm very excited, yet nervous and anxious. There is always some sort of drama that comes along with it, at no fault of hers. I just can't wait for the day the drama ends. Seriously, what is so wrong with just getting along for the sake of your child? I don't get it. Marty does not ask for anything more than what is his right as a father. I don't see why that is such a bad thing. So this is my only boring/depressing paragraph and I will now move on. Just continue to keep us in prayer. My new way of praying for this situation is not so much that God will hurry up and bring her here but that Crystal will give her life back to Christ. She knows the truth and knows the Word. I truly believe she wants to change, but that maybe she feels like she is in too deep, or too far gone. Her childhood was a mess, her life's a mess, she's a mess. God LOVES messes. Pray that God shows us how to love her and give us that supernatural ability.

SOOOOOO....I have a new workout buddy. Angela. Whoohoo. We love the Y. I am loving the elliptical. Course, I haven't been since Saturday, so next time I get on, it will be hard. You have to do it pretty much every day or ever other day to be used to it. Maybe that's just me. Even still, I'm getting toned- no one else can really tell unless you see my naked. Not happening. I haven't lost weight, or clothing size. That stinks. Kinda weird, too. My friend that is a personal trainer said it's nothing to worry about, after babies some women tend to be thicker, even though they are toned and in great shape. Hm. Thanks, I think? She said I can expect to weigh more and be thicker, but in better shape. Ok? Whatev. I have been careful about eating and talking to a co-worker who also happens to be a nutritionist. Dang it. She said I had to give up sweet tea and fries? I may have been born in Michigan, but my family is bred from southerners. How the heck am I gonna give up sweet tea? Fries, maybe. SWEET TEA? Pooey. I did make iced Green Tea the other day instead of regular...and with just 1/4 cup of sugar instead of 1/2. I think that's good, right? At least a step in the right direction. I also learned, that, what a shock, carbs are my enemy! Pear shapes and those who carry it in the middle should really limit carbs. I'm sorry, but what else is left? So those people with HUGE shoulders and boobs and no waist can eat carbs? Lucky stiffs. Carbs are not my enemy. We are best friends, and they are quite comfy on my hips!

My new ride...

2008-05-23T04:47:00.001-07:00

Many of you know I have had issues with my vehicle. I have a 1997 Plymouth Neon. It is a four door sedan that thinks it's a sports car. It even has a spoiler and 6 cylinders. It was a great car in its day. My mom got it the end of my junior year in high school and when I drove it, I thought I was IT. In summer of 2000, my mom wanted a new car and I needed a car, so she gave it to me. Yes, I was supposed to make payments. I made three of them, but decided to go away to college and although my mom didn't feel it was a good idea, she relented and let me take the car....I think she knew I wasn't going to be able to afford payments, and I probably wouldn't really need it. She was right. I did drive it, but most of the time I was with my roomie in her Land Rover. Why take the Neon when you can take a Land Rover, right? ANYWAY. None of that is my point, it's just a little background.
The Neon declined quickly and not so gracefully and was completely unreliable. We have been praying and praying for a blessing, because we don't really want to get into a car payment. Well, finally my prayers have been answered in a bittersweet way. My grandma, who I was very close to, passed away in January. My uncle has kept all her things and would not let anyone have anything. He wants to sell it all, and has the intentions to keep the money to pay his bills and debts, since he lived with her. Well, he decided to sell us her car. A 2000 Ford Contour. It is maroon, with tan interior, a plain sedan. Not as "sporty" as my Neon, but it has 46,000 miles on it and is in tip-top shape. Yeah, I should have "inherited" it, but for what he asked for, it is well worth it. Peace of mind and knowing me and my child are safe to drive around is great! Marty even went out on his day off and got it all decked out with a new CD player (it only had cassette), automatic start-woohooo-and he tinted the windows. I was nervous when he told me on the phone, because I have this thing with tinted windows on sedans. Not many can pull it off. You have to have a sporty look, and too dark can look ghetto. I guess it doesn't look bad, and I'm happy the sun will not bother Sammy. It's darker than I would have liked, but Marty is so geeked about it! Must be that Melvindale High School still in him. He thinks it looks sweet. I guess now I all need are some spinners.

Opportunities

2008-05-19T09:52:00.000-07:00

I read a little devotional about opportunities today. The world is full of them, some of God, some of the world, some of yourself. The trick is acting on the right one.
In my life I have walked through many doors of opportunity only to find out that maybe I wasn't supposed to walk through that door. It felt like God and the door opened, so it had to be, right? The Lord provides so if the door is open, obviously I need to walk through it! Now, I don't think God is out to trick us, but I've realized that it is the free will that God gave man that makes us think an open door is quite obviously a God opportunity. We have free will, and He wants us to know how to use it wisely.
I read about a woman who had all the doors of opportunity opening for her in her job as an author. She was quite successful, and was always being offered better jobs, trips, stories. She was writing erotic romance novels and enjoyed the life the success brought her. At the height of her career she felt God tugging her, convicting her. Although each door had opened easily, she knew it wasn't right. She had been a Christian most of her life, and suddenly became embarrassed that her name was all over all these filthy novels. She turned her life around and is now enjoying life as a Christian fiction author. The money is not the same, but she is happier.
That is how bad Satan wants to trick us. Although Satan has no authority over us as Christians, he can use situations and people to make us think an open door is a good opportunity, knowing that when we walk through that door we will fail. We may enjoy a successful career, but as a Christian we may miss out on ministry opportunities because we are so busy in our career. Or, what seems like a good idea financially-advancement in the workplace, a new investment, etc- could be something that causes unecessary stress or hardship on our marriages.
The devotional closed with one of those typical cheesy but true quotes : The best way to know God's will is to say "I will" to God. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you won't fail with that one.

It's freezing down here...

2008-05-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

I came down to my basement to check my yahoo email since I can no longer check it at work. Anyway, it's probably 20 degrees. I understand it is a basement but man oh man, my fingers are like ice! So, I'll keep it short.

Went to the Y both Monday and Tuesday after work. I'm feeling good. I sweated it up, stuck with the program, glutes are burning again (isn't about time they are used to this?). I haven't lost any weight, but I feel better and I can tell I've burned some fat. That's good. Except I think my butt is bigger. My neighbor said it will get bigger before it gets smaller.....GREAT. Does that really make sense? I'll tell you though, my pants fit better at the waist now, but tighter you know where, so it must be true. Ugh. Why. I'm hanging in there though!

Crystal called and got us all worked up. She told Marty she needed to talk to him and acted all stern. When he called to tell me, after the first initial overreacting, I immediately texted people I knew know our situation and ladies, the prayers did work! Now, this woman rarely calls, and when she does she always picks a fight. Well, between 4pm when she called him at work, at 6:30 when he called her back, God must have done something because she was calm, cool and collected. She just wanted to touch base about Alexis coming this summer. She is due to come in about two weeks! I'm so excited, but the sad part is as soon as the plan is set for her to get here, I start get nauseated about her leaving at the end of the trip. I tell you, being a step-mom is so much harder than it seems! All the responsibilities, none of the recognition, decision making power, no sanity, all chaos. Thank God I know my Maker and know He has a greater plan for me than I can ever imagine, and that gives me hope to hang on to!

a wise woman once said.....

2008-05-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

Those with all the dreams lack the resources to fulfill them, those with the resources lack the dreams....

To those with resources who aren't fulfilling any dreams- I know two people that have BIG DREAMS and are looking for some resources! See me for details.

My glutes are burning!

2008-05-06T11:00:00.000-07:00

Really, I hope all this hard work at the Y pays off soon. I'll be seeing some people I haven't seen for 10 to 15 years in a few weeks and I want to look GOOD. Isn't that strange, considering most of the time I could care less what anyone thinks....but flabby butt and 4 inch roots gives an impression I just don't want to give! I hope I didn't just offend anyone going through the same thing!
So I went on the treadmill yesterday for 30 minutes! I don't think I mentioned that I was on the elliptical for 40 minutes on Saturday! That was because I totally got lost in thought about how the heck am I going to be able to afford child care for two kids this summer. Anyway, so on the treadmill I gradually increased the incline until I got up to 10! I burnt over 200 calories and my boo-tay is burning. I know that's a good thing, so I'm hanging in there. My legs, too. I can feel they are slimmer already! After the treadmill I spent a lot of time of the hip adducter and hip abducter. One works the inner thigh, the other works your saddlebags.
I also feel the need to mention that I've had too much coffee this morning and no food so I'm feeling nauseas, anxious and my heart is pounding. I don't think that is a good thing. I need to eat lunch before I vomit.

2008-05-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

I have discovered a revelation about myself. I can't find a happy medium when it comes to being me. I know that sounds strange so let me explain:

1. When I am happy and just being normal me people mistake me as ditzy, ignorant, immature and obnoxious. Since I am easy going and generally happy and I tend to make people feel comfortable- I tend to be made the butt of jokes because, hey, Sarah doesn't get offended easy, she can take it.

2. When I am quieter, reserved and try to "blend in" people say I'm not being me, I must be mad at something, I'm backslidden, somthings wrong or I'm depressed. I'm pushed to "say something funny" or just chat it up with the others. People will bug me until I "open up" when really I'm just trying to not be "funny Sarah" because people seem to think "funny Sarah" is unwise, a ditz, stupid, you name it.

I have found there are very few people that understand me. Weird that I'm 28 and I don't even understand me. Since I don't try to impress anyone or try to be something I'm not, I'm usually unaware of how I am in public. If 15 people are together and 1/2 are chatty and go on and on and ON, the minute I say something not realizing someone else is trying to, then I'm the one who is disruptive. I may not get offended easy, but I do still have feelings.

Ew, I hate being transparent. My next blog will be so much more vague.

2008-05-01T06:25:00.000-07:00

Alexis has been calling/texting us late at night, we're talking 9:30 on school nights. Let me remind you, she is 9 years old. She is has been in CATS testing for the past two weeks. Well, Crystal found out and went OFF. She cussed out Marty this morning at about 7am. Alexis told us last night that her mom checks her phone to see how many minutes she has been using and Alexis was "bragging" about how she deletes texts and calls so her mom won't know who she has been talking to. Well, she must have forgot last night! Alexis had been texting Marty and he thought it was Crystal playing games, so he called her and Alexis answered. She was so happy to talk, and said her mom won't let her call us, text us, nothing. I can tell in her tone she is miserable, though she sounded happy to talk to us. She was talking about how she wants us to come visit and come to her awards ceremony at the end of May (last day of school, so we are going to try! Need $$ and a car!)
Anyway, so now Crystal is threatening Marty saying she is going to subpeona his phone records (yeah, go ahead and try) and she is going to "do what needs to be done" for Alexis's best interests. In her speak, that means try to take her away, which will never happen. 1) it is against a prophetic word that we were given, 2) not going to happen over a phone call at 9:30. She shouldn't have given a 9 year old a cell phone in the first place!
I actually hope she does blow her top and take him to court. 1)It'll show how ignorant she is, 2) Marty will just get a lawyer and fight for more time on the grounds that Alexis reaching out to him at night is clearly a sign she needs to be with him more, 3) the judge will see and hear yet again how manipulative she is and that she is using Alexis as a pawn.
Anyone know any good lawyers for cheap? Please pray for Alexis. I really don't want to see her dragged through a court case/custody battle. I pray she comes here, and it is an easy and smooth transition and no battle involved.

The Thing about Mondays....

2008-04-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

Mondays...the start of the work week. The day that sort of sets the tone for the week. The day many people dread waking up on because it means back to work. I really don't care for Mondays myself.
Today, Monday, April 21st is no different. I'm feeling down-trodded, unliked, depressed....could be hormones. Us women are notorious for those crazy mood swings. I don't know, I feel tired, weary and I just want to crawl back into my bed and sleep the rest of the day.

Sometime in mid-February, actually February 18th to be exact, a friend and I decided we were going to make Mondays great. We would email each other our prayers lists - which were often similar needs - and we would vow to pray for each other for the week for those needs. Low and behold since then, satan has been attacking both of us even greater than before, especially on Mondays! I find that when you make a promise to God, it is that promise satan tries twice as hard to destroy. He wants to destroy our Godly friendships, marriages, finances, families, jobs, etc. He hates the advancement of God's kingdom, and when we vow to do what we can to make changes for the glory of God, satan will attack! Those of you with Faith understand this very well, I'm sure. I used to, well, sometimes still find myself asking God, "Why me? Why do I have to live this life? Why can't I be blessed with all the great things (random name here) is being blessed with? How come satan isn't attacking them? They aren't even truly living the way Christians are called to live!" Er, DUH. Ding ding ding ding....why would satan attack someone who he doesn't have to worry about? It would be a waste of time. Satan attacks those he wants destroyed, and he wants to destroy those who have gifts, callings, talents, abilities, a heart and passion for Christ! The greater the calling, the greater the trials! Now, this is not necessarily true for everyone, I get that. There are many who never have many trials who God chose to "preserve" and they become great ministers or what have you. Many amazing Christians are blessed beyond measure for being faithful and we look at them and think, "Really? Have they ever had the difficult times I have?" And maybe they haven't. But it is when I think those thoughts that I have to remind myself of Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose."
Today, I'm going to post my weekly prayer list:
1- Marriages: mine, my friends, my fellow church-goers. Marriage is under attack, work-related stress and financal strain are out of control in so many people's lives.
2- Alexis - God to preserve her for his purpose. She will be a light in the darkness (her family in KY).
3- promotion for Marty in his job and elsewhere God has called him. For God to fill his heart and heal hurts he is dealing with.
4- direction for me, my ministry, my job. I'm really in a difficult place where I want to be home more with Samuel, but we can't quite afford it. I feel by working full-time it is taking away from so many greater things I could be doing: raising my son, working on ministry stuff, being a better wife and mother, etc.
5- We really, REALLY need a dependable vehicle that can take us to get Alexis, visit Kentucky from time to time, go up north once and a while. Right now, BOTH of our vehicles are basically "to work and back" vehicles. It's kind of embarrassing. I'm praying God gives us favor in this area and we find the car we need and want at a price we can afford. I've never had to have a car payment, so I'm not thrilled about making that kind of commitment!
6- my mom. God to bless her faithfulness
7- Lorelai Lapeer. Strength for her and her parents, God has performed a miracle and is continuing to do so. I pray God brings her home earlier than Dr. predictions and for financial blessing for them, so they can deal with the medical bills and other expenses that may come along with this little Gift from God.

Thanks, friends!

A whole Lot of nothing really

2008-04-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

Today is a blah day. My back aches, I pulled a muscle in my neck when laughing at one of Laila's jokes, my contacts are dry and foggy (getting new ones Friday)...I want to go back to bed really, really bad. We've been dog sitting Buddy, a family friend's dog. Buddy is a neutered chihuahua, poodle mix (about 15 lbs). He is around 6 or 7 years old, or more, can't remember. My dog, Foxy, an 8 lb Toy Fox Terrier, loves having a playmate around. Me, not so much. The two together drive me nuts, however I keep him for a week every spring, and sometimes other random times throughout the year. Though Buddy may have had his manhood clipped, it does not stop him from his manly deeds. He is a total alpha dog and let's just say he really, REALLY likes Foxy. I have to yell at him quite a bit. She doesn't seem to mind though. Gross.
Anyway, both dogs sleep in bed with us and Buddy insists on sleeping right on my head. Literally! Not above or near, but ON. Plus, he is long-haired so his tail flaps in my face and itches my nose. When he is bored in the middle of the night, he decides to chew my hair. I have not slept well in a week and half. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that this time we have him for two weeks. He'll go home on Saturday. I say now I won't miss him, but I probably will. And when they call again wanting me to dog sit, I'll say yes, because he has become that annoying relative that comes around once in a while and you think, why did I invite them over? They are so embarrassing....and then when they are gone, you miss their quirkiness. I won't miss Buddy's "loving" affection towards Foxy, but his presence will be missed.
And no, this is not one of those blogs with a strange, overly spiritual twist at the end. I just felt like sharing my Buddy experience!

FYI...

2008-04-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

I did not go on the stairmaster, like I mentioned in my last post. Ignorant me, it was the Elliptical. I'm growing quite fond of the ellipitical, I must say. I did push out 20 minutes on Friday, and felt pretty dang gone good after. Today I will go, and I will attempt 25 minutes....I know, I know, you're all screaming, "Careful, Sarah! Don't overdo it!" But, fear not friends. I will push on for us, so that I can say it can be done!
I'm so tired today. I've had a draining week. I'll spare you much detail, but I'm glad we are entering a new week to make things better. Sammy is getting more molars, and driving me nuts. It makes me feel so guilty to feel at my wit's end when he drive me crazy, and then I think it's because I'm not home with him during the week, and I don't know how to handle my child. Maybe I'm just tired, and he really isn't all that whiny. Yep, then "Working Mom Remorse" kicks in. There isn't really anything I can do about it, which makes it worse...we are dependent on my income. If I were to quit and be a stay at home mom, we would not eat! Sometimes I feel like I'm willing to make that sacrifice, then reality kicks in. I've just had a down week about all that. Plus, I feel like at this rate, we will never afford more children. I can't pay twice the daycare! Hmmm...but maybe I could get someone to come to the house..that may make it slightly more worth it. Ok, that was me thinking out loud. Back to my blog.
I feel like I'm in a rut with my book writing. I have very little written, loads of inspiration by now, but I don't know where to begin. I'm tired, I have no time for anything and a lot of pressure coming at me from all over. What is great about this time of "rest" from ministry is that I'm really able to see God in basically everything. I've been doing a lot of praying, asking God to give me a greater understanding of my visions, and greater discernment, and strength to get through the trials. You have to be careful what you ask for though. In the words of Spiderman's Grandma: "With great power comes great responsibility."

More Tales from the Y....

2008-04-08T10:53:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I got another pretty dang good workout in yesterday, if I do say so myself. I have been on a stairmaster probably three times in my whole life, probably never more than 5 minutes at that. Well, I did it yesterday. That's right. 10 minutes of the stairclimber. It was a butt-burner, that's for sure! Now the stairmaster definitely burns more calories faster than the treadmill, but it's a bit tougher to get going. Your legs feel, I'm sorry, I mean MY legs felt like rubber and were hurting within 3 minutes, but once I got past 5 minutes, I was sailing....until about the 8 minute mark, but pride kept me going until I got to 10 minutes. I felt so empowered, so strong, so sweaty! But, I had burned 80 calories in just 10 minutes. If you remember, it takes me about 20-25 minutes to burn that many on the treadmill. I don't run. I won't run. I just can't do that to the people around me. It's not right. After the stairmaster, I wanted to still do 20 minutes of cardio, so I got on Ol' Faithful and put the incline to 5.5 and the speed to 3.5. It burns calories faster, and my personal trainer/neighbor said cardio is the most important thing right now since there is so much fat to burn. That's her words...thanks. She suggested 35-45 minutes of cardio 3 to 4 times a week, at least. WOW, that's rough! Ok, so on to the funny. I've noticed more and more women lately coming to the gym so dolled up! They come in in their tiny tanks (no midriffs, thank GOD) and they have the cute matching capri's that I'm not sure are for working out...they have their hair done like they are going to the prom and enough makeup to last for days! I've gotten some pretty figured out. One chick I like to call "Dolly"....not like Dolly Parton, but she just reminds me of a "Dolly". Anyway, she is probably mid-50's. By the sound of her voice, at one time she must have been a chain smoker, but she doesn't seem to get winded easy so maybe not. Anyway, she will stand around trying to act so smooth and she seeks out the young, buff men and then goes and works out on whatever is closest to them. I'm not sure it counts as working out though. She does the breathing techniques, but the weight is usually at it's lowest and she is super slow. She'll do 3 reps of 3, and then stand up, pretend to be exhausted, and then strike up a conversation with her victim. When he escapes, she just hunts down someone new. The other day, I overheard Dolly's conversation with 5 different men....each time she'd say the same thing, "I just love green m&m's, don't you? UGH, they are my weakness! That's why I have to come work out so much. I ate a whole bag in the car, so I thought I'd swing in real quick and squeeze in some workout time, hahahahahaha..." some of the men will laugh with her out of pity, others just smile, then walk away. I think it could be the magenta blush and matching eyeshadow, and the raccoon style eyeliner but I'm not sure. Or all the toxins from her beehive hairdo makes it too hard to breathe.
I gotta get some work done. I'll try to blog about "Betty" soon.

Gone til June-ish...

2008-04-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

Well, we have bid farewell to Alexis. It's so depressing. She really did great this week and she is a great kid. She really opened up to us a lot this week and had a difficult time leaving. She is so fearful of her mother, but at the same time loves her dearly and doesn't want to her to be hurt or get in trouble. The unconditional love of a child absolutely amazes me.
I didn't ride with Marty to take her back. I've been so much more emotional this time than before. I know it's because I am so hurt by what is going on down there in KY and to her...I'm jealous that her mother has so many opportunities to spend time with Alexis and do fun things with her, yet I'm angry that she doesn't take advantage of it. Alexis spends most of her time shoved off on babysitters, but her mother will start problems with Marty for getting a babysitter while we go to work...I don't know about you, but I sure can't take 6 weeks off in the summer while she is here, and that is what her mom expects.
Alexis really opened up about not getting to see Katelyn, her former step-sister. This girl was her older sister since Alexis was 2 years old. They grew up together for 6 years! Now they can't even talk on the phone. It really hurts to see Alexis hurt so much. All she wants to do is see Katelyn. We should've let her call Katelyn, but we didn't think of it. She didn't ask. I'm sure she was afraid her mother would find out and she get a butt wooping.
Even though I'm beyond frustrated with this whole situation and I have so many things I want to say to Crystal about how terrible she is, more than anything I would LOVE to see her give her heart back to the Lord. How miserable she must be to live the life she lives. I imagine that being a backslidden Christian is harder than never having been saved....all that conviction and knowing the truth and blatantly ignoring it?! I know a lot about her childhood and my heart breaks for her. She really had a crappy upbringing. The whole family worked together to con people and churches, and her dad held "church" in their home. A home that they rented and would live for a few months, then up and move in the middle of the night because they skipped out on rent. Her dad is ordained, or was at one point, but a terrible example of a man, father, husband. Crystal is just doing what she was taught, and raising Alexis the way she was raised. It makes me sick thinking about things Crystal had to endure in her pre-teen and teen years and I pray to God that those things don't happen to Alexis.
Please pray for Alexis's safety and her mind. Pray that she will know to lean on Jesus anytime she needs comfort. Pray for Crystal to find true happiness and to return to the Lord. Continue to pray for a division between Crystal and Marty's mom. He is so hurt by his parent's betrayal, and they don't feel they betrayed him. They are remaining "neutral" in their minds, since after all, they didn't divorce Crystal, he did. Pray for strength for Marty and me. I know there are going to be many more hard times in the near future in this situation, especially this summer. We are going to have some financial strain this summer because we'll have to pay for child care for her...my grandma and neighbor used to rotate watching her, but Grandma is gone and the neighbor got a job!
Thanks Friends!

Still holding on...

2008-04-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Marty took off work to spend the day with Alexis. I was so happy about that, because he hasn't been able to for a few years now. First they went to the bank to deposit the money from her piggy bank into her savings account...he wanted to teach her about saving up for fun stuff. Then they drove out to Great Lakes Crossing to go to Gameworks. She saw Rainforest Cafe there, and had never been there, so of course, Marty had to take her for lunch. Then she just had to go to Justice, her favorite store and he had to buy her this shirt she picked out that says, "My Dad Rocks"! Good choice, I must say. She had the greatest time. She called me from the car on the way home and was squealing with excitement! She said it was the best time of her life and the best Daddy/Daughter Day ever. I think Marty may have had a better time than she did! He rarely has the opportunity to spend the entire day just the two of them, and in the past, we really couldn't afford to do too much. I think spending the day with her and seeing her so excited to be with him really opened his eyes. He doesn't have the emotional attachment I do, he feels the situation is what it is, we've tried to make it better, but her mom is just such a jerk for the sake of being one and what else can we do? I think he will have a much harder time sending her home this week than the other times. So much has gone on in the last several months, and her family dynamic has changed so drastically (in KY)...I think he finally feels the pain I feel, which some might say is so strange, since he's the father and I'm "stepmom"...unless you are a step-parent, you can't really understand. I can't detach, I think of her as my daughter, we've been a part of each other's lives for 7 years. When she goes back to KY, I feel like I'm throwing her to the wolves. I feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to protect her. But I have no rights, no say, nothing. If there is a medical emergency, I can't even really be there or make decisions. I'm really no one. Sometimes I wish I could detach, like some other step-parents. I never could understand how Marty could be so emotionless when she leaves and is gone for so long, and how he can forget to call her, and has to be reminded to call her and buy her little gifts. Through much in depth conversation this week, I have come to find he is not really as emotionless as it seems. He is quite messed up by the whole thing. It is "easier" for him to not talk to her when she is in KY, because the fact her mother screens all her calls, which she isn't supposed to do....he tries so hard to avoid Crystal at all costs, he sacrifices his relationship with Alexis to do so. But, we all know what happens when you stifle your thoughts and feelings and try to ignore your true emotions. You eventually boil over. Which has finally happened for him. He has been broken in this situation, and he's ready to do what it takes. Although I'm stressed and depressed, and it is completely from the enemy, I feel a glimmer of hope knowing that he does truly want the necessary changes to take place so Alexis can come HOME to us. I'm holding on to that promise, I truly believe she WILL be here soon. I just pray for grace to come now...I feel like I'm beyond what I can handle, and God promised not to give us more than we can handle. I feel like I'm in a state of constant attacking by the enemy and I feel weak and helpless. It is literally one thing after another and it's like this whenever she comes. I am trying to find the joy in it, knowing that the enemy only attacks those he is threatened by, and for us to be attacked so greatly when it comes to Alexis, must mean the promise is from God, that she WILL be with us and He has preserved her for His glory and a testimony will come from this!

For those looking for a Y update...nothing. Haven't been since last Wednesday. I REALLY need to go. I think we are going to night. Marty is going to take Alexis and Sammy swimming while I workout. I don't even own a decent swimsuit, so I won't be swimming. Ugh, I can't even imagine wearing a swimsuit right now. And, I've eaten terrible for the last several days. I feel gross. I need some detox tea or something. It's the depression. I hate that I get this way when she comes. It's really only during the short visits, because I know she has to leave soon. In the summer, I don't get so depressed, I get really excited to spend a chunk of time with her! Just pray for us Mouser's.

Alexis is here!

2008-03-28T04:57:00.001-07:00

Well, Alexis made it in last night. Sure enough, despite my communication about bringing warm clothing, her mother packed capri's, tank tops and sandals. Come on, she lived in Michigan. She has access to weather reports. I sent two emails plus talked to Alexis about how it is going to be cold this week. She KNOWS it is never warm enough at spring break time in Michigan for shorts and sandals. So now I have to spend money on clothing for her, which is her mother's goal. But, I'm also taking pictures of what she sent so when Marty goes back to court one day, he can show them. Alexis also informed us that while her mother and her man-friend are in Florida, they will be visiting with Marty's parents for a few days. Ok, bad enough that they do it with Alexis, even worse that they don't even have Alexis with them. I was so angry. I even cried. It's hurtful that they are so diliberately stabbing us in the back.
Alexis is so sweet and I just want to enjoy our time with her, but it gets harder and harder because she is getting this attitude. Yeah, she's 9, but it's different. She is turning into a mini-version of her mother and lies about silly things because her mother is teaching her to lie and manipulate. What makes me really upset is that Alexis sees and understands her mother is manipulating the elderly at the nursing home she works at. She claims to be this single mom struggling to care for her two kids. Whatever, she lives with a guy who is 51, works on a farm so all living expenses are paid for, she drives a nice truck that belongs to this guy and she gets about $700 a month in child support between the two kids, not to mention she pawns the two of them off on other people all the time and is rarely with them. Alexis told me that on a couple different occasions these elderly folks have given her jewelry, money (we're talking $500-$1000 cash)...if you didn't read an earlier post this is something her family did while she was growing up. They'd get close to people who were very elderly or on their death beds and convince them to leave money and stuff to them. This is so frustrating for me! Plus, we really work at teaching Alexis values, morals, Christian living, and teaching her Bible stories. She came up not even knowing what Resurrection meant. It is so discouraged. I'm feeling sad and depressed, so keep me in your prayers. Alexis, too. We need a miracle FAST.

The latest

2008-03-25T06:09:00.001-07:00

It's been a little while, I know. You are all on edge waiting to hear about the lastest trip to the Y. Well, nothing really exciting to report. I went last night around 7:30, after Sammy went to bed. I did 35 minutes again on the treadmill, the last 5 being cool down. I burned 200 calories this time, which was about 1/4 of what I took in for the day. I just don't get how I will ever loose this flab! Anyway, I was totally sweating it up after about 10 minutes. I was so embarrassed! I don't know if they had the heat cranked or maybe I'm getting sick, but when I say I was dripping, I mean like middle of July in Miami wearing a black sweatshirt. Like I said, I don't really run, so I don't know what was going on. It was good though, I guess. It means my body is releasing yucky toxins but goodness! Then I got really winded and thought I was going to have an asthma attack, but I took deep breaths and sipped my water and made it through the 35 minutes.
I worked on the weight machines, too. I don't do too much of the arms because I'm really focusing on my lower-half. My booty aches to sit today! I think that might be good, but it doesn't feel it! I don't get why working out and losing weight has to be so difficult! Why can't I really just pray it off? sheesh!
Alexis is coming Thursday night. I'm so excited and nervous. I always get nervous. She always has something to tell us that gets us all irritated at Crystal. Usually it's something like being left home alone at night, or her mom telling her not to tell us something really important, or her mom teaching her that Easter is no more important than Valentine's Day. Yeah, they didn't do anything this year for Easter. They went to KFC for an early dinner and Alexis played alone all day. We didn't talk to her until evening and she told us all this. She did get an Easter basket, but she gets baskets on V-Day, too. She didn't call us or her grandparents in the morning like she normally does on holidays. When we asked why, she just said her mom wouldn't let her because there wasn't any need. Now, it's no surprise that she couldn't call us, but she ALWAYS gets to call her grandparents! It's just weird. And it hurts so much to know she is living in a house of sin and being taught that sin is not really that big of a deal and she has to go along with her mom and she goes from guy to guy. It's really disgusting and I can't believe a father would have to fight so hard to get his daughter out of something like that!
Ok, vent over. I'm glad Alexis will be safe with us for 10 days and we can always pray over her. I know I have plenty prayer warriors praying for her, too. One day, we will have victory and all glory will be to God!

Tales from the Y....

2008-03-18T05:26:00.000-07:00

Did I write about creepy guy at the Y? I don't believe I did. I went to the Y Saturday afternoon and yes, some creepy dude hit on me. It was very uncomfortable. You know, it couldn't be one of the muscle bound young guys whose sweat actually smells good, no....it was this scrawny, long haired weirdo.Even after I flashed my ring several times, he still kept standing there watching me. I was on the machine that you kneel and press your leg behind you one at a time, the one that is really good for your glutes, the one that your butt is up in the air? Yeah...talk about creepy! I didn't even finish, I just got off and moved to something else. I didn't fancy the idea of this guy staring at my booty. gross.
So I went to the Y again last night. I was feeling PRET-TY good. I always start with cardio--just the treadmill. I'm much too much a wuss to attempt the stairclimber or anything harder than a brisk walk on the treadmill. Anyway, so there I was on my treamill, feeling hyped. I had my MP3 playing, a good shuffle of praise, worship and beats. OK-side note....I can't figure out how to put my songs in any kind of order so it goes from Casting Crowns to Dixie Chicks to Nelly Furtado, then Natasha Bedingfield to Michael Buble back to Darlene Zschech? Makes for a strange workout!
Back to the treadmill. If you do the random workout for 35 minutes at an average of 3.8 for speed, you will burn approximately 138 calories. Tell me how that is worth the sweat and pain. I don't get it. Ok, so I'm about 10 minutes into my brisk walking and you guessed it, creepy guy plopped down on the arm machine directly across from my treadmill. We are talking 4 1/2 feet in front of me. Facing me. Staring at me the whole time. I was SO mad. I pretended I didn't see him so I focused on my music and tried reading the captions for CNN, which is virtually impossible not only because I'm on a treadmill, but also, I had my glasses on and I can't see so good with those...he sat there for 20 minutes! Half the time he wasn't even working out and when he finally got up, he kept walking by, really close to my treadmill, and pausing when he got in front, probably hoping I would smile and wave, but I'm not that dumb....or nice.
After my 35 minutes (last 5 is cool down at a speed of 2.6) I could barely get off the treadmill! I don't know if my butt was numb from my muscles getting such a good workout, or if it was numb from all the bouncing and jiggling. Either way, it felt twice as big and jelloey. I felt like it could knock out anyone who got too close. Luckily, no one did. And creepy guy was nowhere to be found, thank GOD. I was able to do all my machines without him eyeballing my booty. I spent an hour on the weight machines. And I didn't even reward myself with a sweet treat afterward!
I think I did good. Not sure I'm going tonight. I like the cheesy show on the CW "One Tree Hill" and it's going to be a good one tonight!
On another note: Alexis is coming next Thursday! Keep praying all goes smooth! She is so excited about coming.

I DID IT!

2008-03-14T06:38:00.001-07:00

That's right. 5:45 am I pulled into the YMCA parking lot. Bright and early. Well, dark and early. I feel so energized and empowered!
Best thing about AM workout? Although the mornings have a surprisingly good crowd, the machines and treadmills are available and you don't have to stand around waiting. When I first got there, for a moment I thought I entered the geriatric unit of some rehabilitation center, but then the fitness "expert" from the YMCA greeted me in his YMCA t-shirt and I realized I was indeed at the Y. Those wee early hours are a great time to meet your next Sugar Daddy, if you are looking at the 70's-80's age rage. I gotta give it to them though, those older folks will give you a run for your money. It's pretty humbling to be on a treadmill next to someone's great-grandma and they've been on 25 minutes and still going strong and I'm worn out at 15 minutes and debating if I should finish my workout or leave and get some Tim Horton's.
I finished my workout at 6:45, took a wonderfully hot, long shower (a rareity in my home), got ready for work and yes, stopped at Tim Horton's for an everything bagel with light garden vegetable cream cheese and a small English Toffee Cappuccino. Hey, I had a good sweaty workout, I needed to refuel!

OUCH

2008-03-11T09:59:00.001-07:00

I worked out last night with Laila. Yep, my boss. Whew...I'm am BURNING today. I think it's supposed to be a good thing, but my inner upper thighs are killing. I never realized those are the main muscles that help you move your legs when walking. I am trying to sit most of the day. Occasionally, I sneak into our file room and do a few squats and lunges to stretch it out. Feels so GOOD to stretch. I'm not going to workout today. I think my body needs to heal a little!

Oh well....

2008-03-07T06:16:00.000-08:00

I didn't make it this morning to the Y. Nope. I got up at 5:30, went potty, and thought to myself, "This is crazy! It's pitch black out! I'm not getting in my car and driving to the Y to workout this early! I'm not diehard!" So I went back to bed and got up at 7.

Alexis's mother continues to cause issues for nothing. I am stronger about it now. I know that the enemy operates through her. Marty is getting pretty good with it, too. The enemy knows your weaknesses and that is where he will attack you. Your weaknesses are the areas you have troubling trusting the Lord, and he wants to make it harder for you to put your full faith and trust in God. Our areas of attack? Finances and Alexis. We are strapped and stress and there isn't much we can do about either. Ok, we aren't totally strapped financially, but we've been there, and we could be doing better if we had more, but really, that's everyone! We need a new car, two really, and it causes a lot of stress. I know that in these two areas, major changes need to happen but yet, seem impossible. BUT, our God is the God of the impossible, and as I repeat to myself everyday--"He is able to immeasurably ALL that we are able to ASK, SEEK or IMAGINE." I had a good time in prayer yesterday about it. I started just a quiet prayer in my car on the way somewhere, and by time to I got to where I was going 15 minutes later I was shouting, claiming victory over the enemy!

When you pray for Alexis, pray that God will shield her from the lies and manipulation of her mother. Marty did not cave to Crystal's ridiculous demands, which means she is going to retaliate and when that happens, we are cut off from being able to talk to Alexis and she fills Alexis's head with garbage. I pray that Alexis will hear nothing when her mother lies to her and manipulates her, and teaches her to lie and manipulate. Alexis will NOT learn the con-artist ways of the Robert's family. She is a child of God and God performed a miracle in her when she was born so sick and God has a great plan and call on her life. I'm praying that either Crystal is going to get saved very soon, or it's time for Alexis to be removed from that home and all the negative influence that is in it. I pray for a totally complete seperation of Crystal and Marty's mom, so no more problems can be caused by their relationship. That relationship is a huge part of Marty and Crystal's problems. Crystal is told information that no mother should say about her son, things that are lies. Hurtful things are said to Alexis about my family (saying that because they are "step" they aren't real family...). Alexis is so young, so sensitive, and I know it is hard for her. To be told that calling my mom "Grandma Freddie" hurts her other grandma's feelings and that since she isn't her real grandma, she shouldn't call her that, is so WRONG. It hurts my mom when Alexis has an attitude because of the confusion, and it hurts Alexis, who chose on her own to call her Grandma Freddie. My mom is such a better influence on her, and is so good to her. She doesn't treat her any different just because she is a "step" granddaughter.
Thanks for the support my blog buddies.

Workout Bloopers

2008-03-06T05:25:00.000-08:00

I went to the Y again last night. I was determined to put some variety in my workout, so I hit the treadmill for 15 minutes as a "warm-up" and then I tried out this eliptical/stairmaster looking thing that I thought I'd know how to use, but I'm not sure I was doing it right. There were five diehard fitness guru's, or so they thought, behind me on the real stairmasters and I kept thinking, "You're going to look so dumb"....yeah, I got off after 4 1/2 minutes. It was KILLING my knees! I thought my knee caps were going to pop out! I'm not going to attempt that again, I'll stick to the treadmill for now, and the circuit.
I did some of the circuit last night. They had this ab machine that I recognized from Curves, so I was comfortable with that. Did 5 reps of 20. Felt pretty good. Abs are killing today, so that's a good thing. Then I tried this other machine for your arms. Let me give you a visual...the circuit I was on faces about 20 treadmills. All those people are watching the people on the circuit because really, there is nothing else to look at, unless you want to watch CNN while jogging. Course, you can't hear the TV, you have to try and read the captions...while jogging. Ok. So I sit down feeling confident, and I read the diagram on how to use the machine. I reached up for the handles, and nothing. Hmmmm....so I read the diagram again and I know the machine works because someone had just used it. Course, I didn't think to ask someone how to use it. I just kept trying to figure it out. Then I realize all the people are staring at me (not really all of them, but it felt that way)....anyway, so I gave up and did the walk of shame to the other side of the circuit so the same people wouldn't be able to see me mess another machine up. So embarrassing. I need a workout partner! I found the chest press machine, similar to the one in high school and I figured that one out. Did 5 reps of 10 at 33 lbs. Yeah, 10 years ago I could do 5 reps of 20 at 75 lbs. I also did the leg press, which I like. 10 years ago= 5 reps of 20 at 200 lbs. Yep that's right. Now= 5 reps of 10 at 45 lbs. Whew...I am SO sore today. After that, I was ready for a cool down so I walked two laps around the track and ran for one. 10 laps is one mile, so don't be impressed.
I kinda wonder what Coach Leighton would have to say today about my endurance. He'd probably laugh at me!
I can't go to the Y tonight. Marty car is in the shop, big surprise, so I don't have a vehicle because, of course, I'm the one who gets put out when one of our cars breaks down. Hopefully they can get it done tonight because then I will attempt....THE 6 AM WORKOUT. That's right. Check back tomorrow to see if I made it.

Snow Patrol

2008-03-05T06:16:00.000-08:00

So, did anyone else have a ridiculous time out there this morning? Ok, so maybe it would have been fun if I didn't have Sammy in the car. Or, if I could afford to wreck my car. Instead, I had to drive quite slow and I got stuck a few times. For those who don't know, I have a 1997 Plymouth Neon. Yep, that's right. It's 11 years old and still kicking, only by the grace of God. It sits about 5 inches off the ground so I risk stalling out in a mirage. Today I had to drive in 2 feet of snow! My normal 10 minute trip took about 30 minutes. Crazy.

We joined the Y on Friday. It's something I've been really wanting to do, knowing that if I spent the money, I'll force myself to get "my money's worth". Then I can be a sexy babe by summer! Then I wonder, is getting skinny really worth it since I'll be getting preggo again, Lord willing, sometime within the next year? I'd rather start at 20 lbs less and gain it back, then gain from where I'm at! Saturday was Sammy and I's first trip to the Y (marty was working). After my quick 20 minutes on the treadmill (Child Watch closes early on Saturdays), we went into the pool. Don't worry, I wore a t-shirt over my swimsuit so not to scare off other patrons. I still felt quite awkward since I was playing in the children's area with Sammy, which is about a foot deep. Sammy had a blast though, and he wasn't embarrassed in the least by my unsightly figure!
The really impressive day was Monday....35 minutes. Yep, I got on a treadmill for 35 minutes! Ok, so really I was ready to get off after 10 minutes, but pride and fear of looking like a loser, I stuck with it. The place was packed with amatuers trying to impress and I didn't want to be the one who couldn't hang! Boy, I was sweating after that, and I didn't even run. I just walked really fast. I was afraid if I jogged or ran, I would A) fall off, B) wimp out after one minute like I do at home, C) my butt would jiggle so much I would lose balance.
Now today my goal is to go and actually use the circuit. It's not worth my moola to go and just use the treamill, considering I have one at home! But, at home I have a million excuses like, it's too cold in the basement or man, that's a lot of laundry that needs done! The circuit is intimidating though. All these people milling around, flexing their wimpy muscles, oh, that's just me. The circuit is the middle of the workout room, and some of the machines I've never seen, and I'm afraid I'll look stupid trying to figure out how to use it. So I made an appointment with a trainer! You get one free, so I have to make it count, because I'm not paying for any more. I pay enough to be a member! So wish me luck. I'm just hoping I don't look like a fool.

A Step Closer

2008-02-20T09:30:00.000-08:00

Well, it is exactly two weeks later that I am back here to write down my thoughts. I don't know what keeps me from blogging, oh that's right, lack of time, energy, ideas, etc.

Isn't it funny the people God puts in your life? Sometimes you don't even realize what someone may really mean to you until one day BOOM! God does something amazing and you are able to look back at that friendship and say, WOW, God really put us together for a reason! Of course, I'm talking about a specific friend but I want to keep it mysterious, hehehehe....oh, the truth shall be revealed in time, but all that matters now is that my friend knows that God put you in my life (and mine in yours) and there is a reason we managed to stay connected over all these years, when quite frankly, we have not really hung out all that much lately and we kind of have seperate groups of friends! We should have known that day in 2004 when our words were brought forth that there was a reason we were told together!

Well, my friends. I think I'm closer to knowing what God might have in store for me. A little birdie text messaged me this verse yesterday exactly when I was looking up verses with the same sort of meaning:

"He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask, seek or imagine." Ephesians 3:20

Thanks, friend.

I'm almost 30

2008-02-06T08:10:00.000-08:00

The big day has come and gone. Now in adulthood, birthdays don't hold the same excitement as they did, say 20 years ago! Marty felt the need to remind me I am more than 1/2 way to 50...ok, well, he's 32, so whatever! He also wished me Happy Almost 30th birthday. I still have to turn 29 next year, but you know, 28 is a weird age. It's like limbo between having fun in your 20's and succumbing to the responsibility of work, life and kids in your 30's. He also thought it would be funny to add that he heard that having babies after 30 increases risks, so we should crank a few more out real quick...yeah, no thanks!

I am making a birthday resolution to take more vitamins, spend more time playing with Sammy rather than stressing about my messy house, and I need to give my anxiety, stress and depression (that the enemy sends to me through the mess that is Alexis's mother) to the Lord. I think less caffeine might help with that, too!

Whoever actually tunes into my blog, keep my family in prayer in regards to Alexis. She is being used as a pawn so bad, and all it does is hurt her. I just want to drive down and pick her up, bring her back and keep her safe from the ridiculous antics of her mother and grandmother. They conspire together to see what benefits them so that Marty's mom can get as much time with Alexis as possible. She stabs her own son in the back to befriend this manipulator, and it causes so much unnecessary strife. Pray for a miracle and for God's hand to move in this situation quickly.

I promise, my blogs are soon to be more positive, thought-provoking, genius-at-work writing that you won't be bored to tears by. Love you all!

Oh, Monday.

2008-02-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

For once I am somewhat glad it is Monday. I had a terrible past 8 days. I cannot divulge too much, but let's just say I had a "woe-is-me" time last weekend (not the one that just past)...Satan just loves to kick you when you are down. I was a little down about some friendship stuff and thought well, I do have these friends over here, blah blah blah...who come to find out on Sunday neglected to invite me along to hang out Saturday, once again, totally didn't even realize I wasn't there hanging out with them. I was really frustrated by my revelations about my friendships, but had to get over it and head out on a two-day business trip with my boss. That sounds much weirder than it is. I love my boss. We have a ton in common and she is a great friend. I can tell her anything without being judged. I wanted to visit my grandma on Saturday, but Sammy had an ear infection and my uncle smokes, so I didn't want to take him around it, not to mention he was being a Mr. Grumpy Pants.
So Tuesday evening I got back from my trip and about an hour later my mom called to tell me my grandma had a heartattack. My life with Grandma around literally flashed before my eyes because I have been feeling this coming for a few months now, but really thought she had a few years left. Two hours after that call, my mom called to tell me she didn't make it. I literally felt the world stop. It was all so fast, I didn't even get to say goodbye, and I immediately thought about how I should've visited over the weekend. She lives less than 10 minutes away, what has been my excuse? Working full-time really made it difficult and I reminded myself that I did visit much more often, at least once a week, when I worked less. My grandma was 77, most people in my family live to see 90 at least. She had declining health and macular degeneration, so I understand she is in a better place and doesn't have to deal with blindness, arthritis, pneumonia, or any other ailments she was fighting off all the time. Still, it has been very rough. Sometimes, grandma's pass, and you hug your friend and give your sympathy, and many are pretty strong about it because it is a thing of nature. But, this was different. I was so close to her, and of course I thought of all the should've, could've, would've's immediately. She LOVED my children so good...telling Alexis by phone sucked. She adored my grandma.
Fast forward past details...Wednesday everything was taken care of. We were given a 20 minute family viewing with grandma, and then they sent her body off to be cremated. That creeps me out a little. But, I know she is not there. It's just a shell.
Thursday---I was a mess. I stayed home, kept Sammy home and spent time with him, went to breakfast with my mom, shared memories of Grandma, visited my uncle who lived with her and had found her. Thursday night though, God sent me His condolences in the form of my friend from college, Chrissy. I miss my Evangel friends so much and had been thinking about them a lot over the last week since my friend revelations. Chrissy's plane got delayed til Friday morning, so I met her at her hotel and we talked til about 2 am, then I had to go home so I wouldn't get snowed in. It was such a good time and I really needed it. My friends here have been wonderful and supportive as well. Thanks, everyone for your lovin' :)
Anyway, back to work today. I took Friday as well, since I got three days of bereavement pay anyway. That was a good rest for me, although I was sick over the weekend and I am exhausted. Tomorrow is the big B-day. No, not 30. Just 28. Marty's 32 was Saturday. We might go on a hot date tomorrow. Well, make it mild. Here's to a better week than last.

Checking In

2008-01-25T06:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I wanted to check in because it's been a while. Not having a working computer at home stinks. I am accepting donations:)....hahahaha....

I'm completely obsessed with Alexis. I know, on the 15th I said I was giving it up. What is wrong with me? I know it's not right for me to be this worried and stressed and it is not like something else has happened recently. I know I need to give it up to God and it's so frustrating to me that Satan is able to get a hold of my emotions! Please pray for me. I know that she is heavy on my mind because the Lord wants me praying for her. I know something is going to happen this year and HE wants us ready spiritually.
I feel stupid being jealous that her mother gets to spend time with her and does nice things for her. She never did that much before. Then I get mad when I find out that she does crappy things to her. I should be happy for Alexis that her mom has taken on this new persona of "Good Mom" and cares for her daughter. Except, I know that it's a front so that her new manfriend will think she is this amazing person...yeah, so amazing...28 (more than 1/2 his age), 2 kids, 2 different dads, 2 divorces, supposedly both are violent deadbeats (yeah, Marty, right) and she hasn't known any of her men for more than a few months before first living with them then convincing them to marry her so she can tap their bank accounts dry and then leave with 1/2 their retirement. What is this new guy thinking? Ok, it is totally wrong for me to be venting like this, but it feels good! Again, pray for me. See, I don't think of Alexis as my stepdaughter. I feel like someone has my child and won't give them back.
In good news...Sammy is so wonderful and hilarious and cute. He is talking better and doing funny things. He loves music and dancing and yes, the Wiggles. Ugh. Those dudes creep me out. Anyway, if you haven't seen Sammy lately, check out his cutie patootie grin. I love it. He is 18 months now, 25.13 lbs and 31 inches tall. His hair is starting to lay flat now and I really miss the fuzzed out look! He is a walking danger zone, likes slides and jumping off the couch--aka giving mommy a heartattack!
Work is good. I really like this job. I miss school. That's weird. I'm going to take some classes soon, to keep me in the know.
Tomorrow is Mommy's group at 10am, Joanna's house. Be there, momma's. Call me for directions.

Byebye Satan. No more worry for me!

2008-01-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

I have had so much anxiety in the past few days. I get myself worked up because I can always predict Alexis's mother's reaction to everything. I looked at the calendar and realized that Alexis will be getting out earlier than usual this year for summer break. This causes anxiety because my sitter's and Alexis's friends will not be done with school until her THIRD week here. She will only be here for about 5 1/2. That is unfair to her, us, everyone! It's a catch 22 though....if we don't ask for her to come later, then she comes early and everyone is inconvenienced, especially her. If we DO ask, her mother uses it as opportunity to demean Marty for any possible thing she can think up and she will intentionally send her as early as possible. I can't take this crap. It's SO stupid. It's even stupider that it's January and I'm letting it put me in a bad mood and make me anxious. Am I right about my prediction? Yes, always am. Should I be worrying about it NOW? NOOOO!! I need to give it up to God! I know this, yet I still have trouble doing it!
I believe Alexis NEEDS to be here. I believe it is in God's will, and we need to be patient and wait for HIS timing. I do believe in God's promise. I can't stand to watch her mother abuse, use, manipulate, brainwash and break her spirit any longer. The ONLY thing left for me to do is pray pray pray and fast fast fast. So, that is what I am going to do. I haven't fasted in forever. I have a really hard time fasting. Someone is always wanting to do lunch or dinner, or I have to cook for my family, etc. Enough with the food excuses...I am going to fast every week until this situation has a breakthrough. No, not one of those 40 day fasts, I don't feel called to that. I am going to fast one, two, maybe three or more times a week until I can be at peace with this. I guess I should leave you with some encouragement, too....if you have something you need a breakthrough in NOW, then fast with me! No more being defeated by the enemy! No more depression, anxiety, worry, anger, fear...that is all from the devil and he is laughing at us when we give in to these demons. Let's be victorious TOGETHER.

On to the resolutions!

2008-01-08T06:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, so we are 8 days into the New Year. Alexis has been packed up and sent back and I can begin to focus on my goals. I received confirmation that my loans have been consolidated, went over my budget, cleaned out the bad foods in my kitchen, and have begun a plan to declutter my home. I'm really motivated, as are most people in the first month of each New Year.

The first goal I am attacking head-on is of course, my health. I'm less concerned with pounds and more concerned with losing the flab. I'm motivated and ready to conquer this demon that has depressed me for too long!

I am also waging war on Satan and his lame attacks. Normally after sending Alexis back, I get anxious and worrysome for several weeks and it affects my work, relationships and ability to focus on the blessing that is Sammy. I have Faith in God's promise and will continue to pray for her safety, but leave it in HIS hands. I will be spending more quality time with Sammy, focusing solely on him and giving him my undivided attention. That also means I'm not spending every evening preparing, cooking, cleaning up dinner, vaccuuming, picking up toys, cleaning, etc...my time with Sammy is not enough as it is, and I'm not going to take more time away from him. We have to eat, but I'm going to learn more recipes that will be quicker, yet healthy....Marty can share in the cleaning up and cleaning the house. And somedays, the house will just be messy. I'm ok with that!

I will be more diligent in my Bible study, tithe and prayer time. I need to focus on finding out what I'm going to be doing the rest of my life. There is no job security in this world, especially Michigan, and I need to figure out a back up plan if something were to happen to my job.

I think I am off to a good start. Admitting is the first step, right? I know, that's a different program, but I think it can be applied here as well. Pray for Alexis, I believe this is a big year for us.

I'm copying Kelly!

2008-01-04T06:39:00.000-08:00

I have come to realize that my butt: seems to be at least 1/2 my weight, and just keeps getting bigger the more carbs I eat...dang I love carbs.
2. I have come to realize that when I talk: I get lost in thought at the same time, then come across very airheaded or random
3. I have come to realize that I need: far more money right now than I am capable of making.
4. I have come to realize that I lost: my chance to get a new car by starting my student loan repayment. Darn student loans.
5. I have come to realize that I hate it when: mothers use their children as pawns against ex-husbands and family. When moms decided they are bored with marriage, but don't want to share their children so they make up stuff to try and get sole custody.
6. I have come to realize that marriage: is very hard work, but worth it.
7. I have come to realize that work: is not my life, but required in this society. I am lucky to have a job and need to not complain about having to work.
8. I have come to realize that I will always be: a mom, therefore selfless and sacrificing any money I could spend on myself so that my children will have what they want and need.
9. I have come to realize that I like: being alone.
10. I have come to realize that the last time I cried: Yesterday, when I received pictures of a friend I haven't seen in too long and realized how much time has gone by and how much I miss them and how happy I am for them...they have a great life and awesome job.
11.I have come to realize that my cell phone is: like a foreign body forever attached to me.
12. I have come to realize that before I go to sleep at night:I think about everything I needed to get done but didn't, and how much more I'll have to do the next day.
13. I am currently thinking about: Alexis...we have to send her back to KY tomorrow. That makes me depressed.
14. I have come to realize that babies: are an awesome gift from God and completely change your life.
15. I have come to realize that when I get on Myspace: I have way too much catching up and updating to do, so it exhausts me.
16. I have come to realize that today I will: go by some clothes that fit.
17. I have come to realize that tonight I will: pack Alexis's things and make sure she has her Birthday mouse that her mom made her bring, and then told her not to break it or lose it or leave it behind. (why send it? That's right, to annoy me)
18. I have come to realize that tomorrow I will: have upset stomach like I do everytime we pick Alexis up or take her back.
19. Where's the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Home with no distractions or children.
20. What did you want to be when you were growing up? An actress or youth pastor's wife.
21. How many colleges did you attend? Three. One day I'll return for my Master's.
22. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now? It was the only thing clean that semi hides my fat roll.
23. If you could visit anywhere and take someone with you: Venice with Marty. (of course I'm going to say my husband, although I'd really like my mom to take a vacation sometime)
24. What errand/chore do you despise? Tie between laundry and the bathroom.
25. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery? I love art, but probably not. If I'm going to volunteer, it'd have to be helping people in need.
26. What is your favorite cartoon character? Ariel.
27. Are you planning on remaining in your current field? Hmm.....ask me in a year
28. Beach or lake? Uh, both? In Michigan, the beach and lake are synonymus.
29. What's your drink? Tall half caf nonfat carmel macchiato. Or water.
30. Cowboys or Indians? Indians. They were here first, and it's my heritage.
31. Cops or Robbers? Cops.
32. Who from high school would you like to run into? Any of my friends. Course, I see most on myspace.
33. Have you ever had to use a firearm? No way. I hate guns.
34. Last book you read? Thomas Saves the Day. I can't remember the last one I read for myself.
35. Do you have a teddy bear? many.
36. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? San Fransisco, I hear it's pretty.
37. Number of texts in a day? 4 or so.
38. If you had to choose- would you start a new career or relationship? career as a stay at home mom who writes stories and teaches her children preschool.
39. How many jobs have you had? Hmm, DQ, Blockbuster, Lone Star, abercrombie....13. Whoa. First time I actually counted.
40. Are you where you thought you would be at this age? Yeah, right.

Ringing in 2008

2008-01-02T07:30:00.000-08:00

5 kids under 9 celebrating a birthday and New Year's. That was a crazy night for me! As soon as I get the pictures, I will have to share them. It may have been exhausting, but the kids will never forget it, especially Alexis. I'm glad, too. We may not have tons of money to spend and we're not able to take her on elaborate vacations, but it's times like this that make the best memories. Now, I did spend way more than I would on a party. I can't stand spending money on napkins, plastic tablecloths and overpriced decorations that will just be thrown away. I did this time though, because she is only 9 once and she LOVES Hannah Montana. I mean obsessed. The look on her face and the excitement of this crazy fun party was priceless though. By the way, here is a cheap idea I will throw into this blog as a bonus for you. We did it two years ago when I let her have a party at the house because we were too broke to go to Chuck E Cheese....1o empty 2-liters and a small ball, hopefully a long hallway and you've got yourself a bowling alley. That was the HIT of the party that year. The kids still talk about it. This year our theme was Karaoke and Rockstars, so the boys dressed up like the Jonas Brothers and the girls were HSM and Hannah Montana. We had inflatible guitars, karaoke, wigs, sparkling "champagne"....it was all worth it!
So, now that the party is over (by the way, best NYE party I've ever been to, not to brag:)...my New Year's Resolutions:

1. Lose 15 lbs by March. I'll be ok if I don't lose all my pounds as long as I lose this flap of skin that hangs on my waistline and the fat around my hips, thighs, bootie...I want to drop three sizes at least.

2. After all the hardwork of losing, sometime this year, I may go round two on the baby train. I resolve to not eat so much ice cream this time, and try to gain healthier weight so it'll be easier to lose. I didn't gain too much last time, but I could've ate healthier.

3. To be a better mom and stepmom. To teach my children creativity and imagination rather than battery operated toys and spending money.

4. To save more money and doing what it takes to pinch those pennies. We need a new car, our plumbing fixed, and I want to remodel some rooms. We need money for those things! No more spendng money on groceries....what a waste....just kidding!

5. I will push myself to write, write, write. I will enter freelance contests for experience and work on discovering a book idea.

6. Make time for scrapbooking Sammy's pictures, considering I do not have a baby book for him, my first child! That's sad.

7. To grow in my walk with God and strengthen my Faith. To witness more and be a better example.

8. To better my marriage and do what it takes...seminars, retreats, counseling, weekend getaways...so that we can be an example to others and to our children.

I might have more resolutions another day. That's enough for now!

It worked, Angela!

2007-12-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

On Saturday night I was feeling down. It happens when Alexis arrives. I admit, I often get jealous that her mom gets more time with her than I do. I know, it's silly and I quickly snap out of it. Saturday night though, I was more depressed than usual. I know it's a spiritual battle and I will overcome it, but sometimes it's more than I can take. Alexis is being so manipulated but she is sensitive and tender and doesn't realize it. I'm not the kind of person to tell her either. Her mom has been putting on a show for her new boyfriend (manfriend? grandpafriend? He's twice her age) and she's being great to Alexis by spending special mommy time with her and doing more with her and buying her nicer things. I'd be happy for Alexis because she is so excited about this change, except, I can't help but feel like it's just a phase because she's done it before and Alexis ends up hurt. Alexis is super excited because they are going to Florida in the spring and going to some fancy resort. Funny thing is, Alexis always spends the whole week with Marty's parents and doesn't spend any vacation time with Alexis. I get so upset because I want to go on vacation SO BAD but we can't afford it. We spend so much on child support, daycare and our mortgage we don't have extra spending money for fun vacations. Plus, when we have her on breaks, we usually can't get enough time off, and the way the picking up and dropping off goes, we can't do a mini-weekend vacation, except for in the summer, but then we're missing church, and we are her only way to church! UGH! We also don't have cars that run well enough to drive to Mackinac or Chicago, or even Frankenmuth! Moral of my long story/rant...so I used the Angela technique of "open the Bible and point", and it worked! I used my Newlywed Bible, which also has pretty good devotionals and it was all about blessings and God providing. Ezekiel 34:25-31. It talks about God is our provider and He is our shepherd and will provide for us and bless us and make us a blessing. You can read it and get your own take, but the devotional was written by a couple who didn't have much money for things early in their marriage, but in their low time God reminded them that He is taking care of them and He is their provider and will bless them. It was SO perfect. And I am blessed. More blessings I am thankful for:
1. My free honeymoon- Debbie and Mike Terry gave me points from their timeshare program and we spent a week in West Palm Beach. All we had to pay for was airfare, food and activities, but you know hotels can be very pricey!
2. My aunt who let me use her frequent flier miles so I could fly to Missouri for my college roomate's wedding, April 06. Otherwise, I would not have been able to afford a $400 ticket!
3. My job I have now, making much more than I did at my last job. At the last one, I had nothing extra to save for a vacation, not even a weekend in Frankenmuth! Now I can save a little each week to my little vacation fund, and we are going to take a vacation this summer. It won't be exotic, and we can't afford to fly somewhere so it'll be local, but it'll be something fun!
4. Good friends, who will actually read this whole, rambling blog.

2007-12-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

How do you add friend's blogs to your page?

Alexis is coming tomorrow! I love that girl. She is so joyful and excited to come HOME to Michigan. Her birthday is Jan.2 and I'm letting her have her first ever New Year's Eve sleepover. Yikes. 5 kids ranging in age from 7-9. What did I get myself into? We're having karaoke and DDR and if they hang in there, they can toast the New Year with some Cranberry Splash 7-Up (if you haven't tried it, you should).
I need all my friends to pray for Alexis. She is so sensitive, sweet and loving. She is mature for her age in many areas, but it is because of circumstances in her life in Kentucky. She is forced to grow up to fast and it's really sad. Marty and I want her to live with us so bad. I know we are better for her. The example being set forth in KY is not just below or moral standards, but it's flat out wrong, Christian or not. She knows her mom cheated on both Marty and her ex-stepdad. In July, her mom left this stepdad that has been a great dad to her for the past 6 years. Now Alexis isn't allowed to see him or her ex stepsister, both of whom she was very attached to. July 21st Alexis found out about the break-up. What makes me sick is Alexis had to sleep on the floor for 2 months in this house her mom was renting. I just knew the reason she wouldn't buy her a bed was because she had a plan to move. And move she did. The first part of October she was moved in with a man twice her age that isn't even the slightest bit attractive. The other guy was a lot older, too, but he had a rugged look that could be seen as attractive. Alexis has been left home alone, isn't allowed to talk to or about her ex-family and has become so sad. She is very much an introvert in KY, spending most of her time alone or with her little brother. I get literally sick thinking about what must be going through her head, or what she is going through. Last Christmas, she was part of a happy family down there, a mom and dad, brother and sister, two dogs....not suspecting any problems. Now, it's mom, old man that looks like a grandpa, a part-time brother (spends half the week at his dad's). No pets, mom was sure to get rid of those. She doesn't think of her children's well-being at all. She is even teaching Alexis that divorce is not a big deal, it happens, get over it. She told Alexis the reason they moved in with this old guy was because he could pay for things and she couldn't afford rent. Good, teach your kid to grow up looking for a sugar daddy. Forget love, respecting yourself and others, morals....
Through all this God has really opened my eyes and challenged me. Marty, too. We need to better our marriage, better our home and get ready, because once we are truly ready to raise her and give her the best life possible, He's going to bring her to us.

Here I go again with my book thing

2007-12-27T05:55:00.000-08:00

I found a funny website. It's good for a snicker. http://www.isthisyour.name/
I'm the King Cheetah. Go to the website and you'll get what I mean.

I want to write a book. Is that crazy? I mean JR Rowlings was the poorest of poor, wrote a few books about a wizard boy and now is one of the richest people in the world! I don't aspire to make millions (though it would be nice), I just want to live comfortable and not have to punch a clock every day. Ok, I don't really punch a clock, I'm salary and we don't have time clock thingies. I'm just saying, ya know? I have come to the revelation that I do not want to work full-time, year-round doing something I half enjoy. I feel if I was home, I could find more inspiration for my books. But, I need to work, because we need the money, so I need to find inspiration in my "free time". Ok, mom's....laugh with me now. SAHM's and working mom's never have free time. I look back over the last ten years and find that the reason I have not accomplished the majority of what I wanted to is because of the almighty dollar. I really can't complain though. God has really blessed me in so many ways. Sometimes, when I'm frustrated with my current situation I stop and try to name 5 things I'm grateful for:

1. My adorable son, Sammy, who is a miracle. I went through treatment for childhood cancer in the early 80's, which was nowhere near as sophisticated as it is now. I shouldn't have been able to have babies. Sammy is the best.

2. Waking up in the morning in a warm bed, in a house that I own with heat.

3. Sammy and Marty waking up in the morning.

4. My car starting this morning and getting me to work. Another day without a car payment. Praise God.

5. My mom living 6 houses down so she can be at my house at a moment's notice when I'm exhausted and Sammy is not.

Oops...this is why I don't host

2007-12-26T06:23:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve was fine I guess. My brother brought some weirdo friend of his, because he can't go anywhere alone it seems. It was my job to heat up the food that my mom cooked. She went to church with my aunt and told me to preheat the oven at 5 and to put the food in at 5:15 to bake for 45 minutes. Got it. Simple. Except I forgot to switch the setting from preheat to bake, so the green bean casserole turned out mushy and the ham was lukewarm. Everyone seemed surprisely happy with the food and most people had seconds. Me on the other hand was so exhausted from wrestling Sammy away from the stove every 5 minutes, that I barely had an appetite. When I did sit down to eat, I felt like I was wolfing it down because Sammy was screaming, wanting out of his chair. This child. He will be the death of me. I shouldn't say that. He is a good baby, really, but he has SOOOOO much energy. Maybe it is from the Carmel Macchiato's I became addicted to later in my pregnancy. I swear I ordered decaf! I am still addicted to Carmel Macchiato's. Does anyone else feel ridiculous ordering at Starbucks? The order is way too long for one item. "I'd like a tall, non-fat, half-caf Carmel Macchiato no whip please." Seriously! Try doing that while keeping Sammy away from the glass travel mugs! Who uses glass travel mugs?
You see how I went from Christmas Eve to Starbucks? That is my brain. That must be why people mistake me for flightly. I'm really not! I promise. Ok, maybe a little. Back to Christmas.
Sammy was hilarious. He still doesn't quite get why we wrap his toys in paper, but the thrill on his face when he sees what's underneath that hideous paper is priceless! He opened some fleece PJ's from my mom and he thought it was the best thing ever! He squealed with delight, hugged them against his body and rubbed his face on them with his eyes closed and a big grin on his face. Oh, to be a 17-month old. I of course missed getting a shot of this great Kodak moment. His favorite Christmas Day gift I believe were his Animal Crackers that were in his stocking. He wouldn't let those get too far while he opened his other gifts. Since Alexis is more expensive, we didn't get Sammy too much....it's not like he'd understand or know about it...unless he reads this 10 years from now. Anyway, we got him a race track thing, a blow up football player that will catch the ball you throw at him, matchbox cars (Marty), pants and a Little People school bus which he likes to dance to when it sings "Wheel's on the Bus." He got a slew of other gifts from Marty's parents, my mom, Marty's grandma, my aunt and my cousins, so I don't feel bad about not getting him more. I could've done less!
Ok, that's enough of my random babbling that no one really even cares to read. I'll be surprised if anyone makes it this far. I have to get some work done. Happy Holidays!

I'm back, you're thrilled!

2007-12-24T09:37:00.000-08:00

I really want to get back into blogging again. It is no surprise to me that I started it, forgot about it and months later when pondering writing a book, I remembered I had a blog! Reading Angela's blog reminded me, actually.
I'm at a place where I'm looking back on my 27 years and thinking, is this it? I saw my life turning out so different than what it has! I'm annoyed by the people who at 14 knew exactly what they wanted out of life and accomplished every goal down to career, years of work and what years and months they want their children born. I went through college thinking there isn't a subject here I want a degree in, really. I am interested in a variety of subjects from art to psychology, counseling to acting. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? I could pretend to be a counselor at a psycho ward with great art in my office. Hmmm....even that doesn't sound like ME. Shouldn't I know where I want to be and what I want to do with my life by now? I'm not getting any younger!
I still want to write. That's a pretty strong desire that has stuck with me. Maybe I'm just too humble to think I'm good enough...(ok, I know you are snickering at me. Thanks.) What do I write about? I feel I should write Christian books, because after all, I am one and I grew up in church. I should use my talent for the Lord. I don't feel mature enough for adult books, cool enough for teens and what the heck do kids want to read? I mean, the vegetables pretty much have that market!
Random change of topic here: I'm hosting Christmas Eve dinner tonight. I know I need to get up and start cleaning but I don't really want to. My house is small and there are too many people coming to cram into my small living room. How did I get chosen to host? Because I'm then only one who put a tree up this year. Crap. I've learned my lesson too late!
Hope everyone has a nice Christmas! Maybe I'll write again sometime. Topic ideas, anyone?

Denied

2007-04-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

I thought I would be a good American citizen and give blood. My work was having a blood drive, and if you signed up, you also got entered into a raffle to win 2 tickets to six Tiger's games, so I thought it would be worth the sacrifice! Well, for years I haven't been able to give blood because of having had Leukemia, but I had heard that as long as you've been in remission for 5 years, you can give. Well, I've been in remission for 23 years, so I thought I'd be good as gold. Wrong. I can't give blood, ever. Funny thing is though, I turned into my mom for moment as the lady asked when I had leukemia. Would you believe, I got the chance to tell my testimony? She was amazed and so interested and, although I had to be brief because others were waiting, I can tell she was touched. Then I went back upstairs to get back to work, and people asked how it went, and I had to tell them I couldn't give. When they wanted to know why not, well, wouldn't you know, there again I had more opportunities to tell of the wonderful Grace of God. Isn't he good?
Growing up I was sometimes embarrassed when people would find out I had cancer. They would look at me so shocked, but I felt so awkward. It came up more often than I would have liked, because it was a part of me. It was my childhood. Now when it comes up, I'm happy to share my story.

Unwritten

2007-04-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to jump on the bloggin' bandwagon, finally. Growing up I wanted to be three things. An actress, a writer or a youth pastor's wife. At 27 years old, other than some church plays and classes at EU, I've not become an actress. My husband is great, and called to ministry, but pretty sure it's not youth ministry. All that is left is for me to be a writer, but for years in college, I wrote news articles and to-the-point essays. For the past 8 years I've not been able to write anything "feature-y"! This weekend though I spent some time with some great women and got the juices flowing. I think my writer's block has lifted, so I've decided to blog.
If you're going to be reading my blogs though, let me warn you. I am not airheaded, but I do tend to be scattered in my writing. I like to write what pops in my head! I apologize now:)

So here is where I'm going to start. I've decided I want to write a book. Well, several, so the first of many, I hope. But, I'm having a hard time choosing a topic. In fact, I can't even think of topics for my blog. Writing about my day is too boring. Writing about other people, too boring and frankly just don't care, I guess! Celebrities-whack. So I think I'll make myself vulnerable and start with my story. I'm no one special, so writing my first book as a biography would probably not be much of a hit. I'd sell a few hundred copies, but probably just to my family and a few close friends! But if I start blogging about my story, or as we Christians call it, my testimony, maybe I can eventually develop something great, or at the least, sellable. Is that a word?

If you're reading this, you may or may not know that I am a cancer survivor. Childhood cancer, actually. At the age of 3 (1983) I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. That is cancer of the blood cells, and at the time, one of the most deadly in children (These days it has a a much higher survivor rate). Obviously I survived, and if you keep reading my bloggings, you'll learn more about this time in my life and how it has shaped me and made me who I am and what God has called me to be. I would not be who I am had I never had cancer. It's crazy to think back about what I went through, and mostly what my mom went through.

At the time of my diagnosis, my dad was living in Houston. He had gone down there to get a job with the police department, our house was up for sale and we would be moving once it sold. Well, shortly before I was diagnosed, my dad called my mom to let her know he had a pregnant girlfriend and not to bother moving down. Then my brother, who was 7 at the time, was diagnosed with severe ADHD. After that came my diagnosis. Her life was totally flipped upside down. But you know what? As shaken and upset she must have been, she stood true to her faith and stood on the Word of God. My church prayed for me, and my mom's friends prayed with her. She didn't give up, and even though the doctor's gave me one week to live, she insisted they put me on chemo. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and then one year and one month later, I was in remission. I've now been in remission 23 years, and have never relapsed. I believe I was healed by the Grace of God for the sake of my mother. She had enough going on! In fact, on a mission's trip to Bolivia, Pastor Galvano wanted to speak to me and since I can't speak Spanish or Italian we got someone to translate. If you've never heard of this man, well, let me tell you, the man hears from the Lord. He flows in the prophetic like nothing I've ever seen. Anyway, he told me that I was supposed to die. I was marked for death and was in Satan's grip. The Lord heard my mother's cry and rewarded her Faith and saved me. Can you stop and imagine that? That changed my life, him telling me that. I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE. It was intended that I would die. The cancer was in 98% of my blood cells. AND I WAS FULLY HEALED. The doctor's could not explain it, and did not believe my remission would last. And here I am today, a daughter, a wife, a mother. I am strong, happy and saved by grace.
Future blogs, I'll tell you about my scars, some incidents I remember of the time, and how I grew up staying true to the Faith my mother raised me in. My friends will see a different side of me. If you have questions, let me know and I'll answer them!