Tolerance vs Acceptance?

While wandering the aisles of the Christian bookstore today, filled with anxiety due to all the beautiful books and wall art I wanted to purchase, I saw a book by Sarah Jakes. Jakes, as in TD Jakes? I said to myself. I picked it up, and glanced over it. The daughter of TD Jakes, huge mega-church pastor, wrote a book...about her pregnancy 11 years ago...at the age of THIRTEEN. What the what?! I mean, a teen pregnancy is controversial, a Pastor kid getting knocked up, even more so, but at THIRTEEN...whoa.

Let me stop and clarify. I am in no way bashing Sarah or any of the Jakes. It takes great courage to not only have the baby and raise it, but to then write a book about it, even if years later. I did not purchase the book today, but it is on my list to read soon. (Who has time to read with all these kids running around?!) As my husband and I are venturing into ministry, I pray daily that God keeps my children pure, and gives me the ability to raise them to do right. 

This is in no way an educated writing, no formal statistics or great, thought-provoking verses being spewed here. Just the thoughts inside my brain. In "my day", circa mid to late 90s, when a teen got pregnant it was a shock. Many kept it quiet, tried to hide it, and/or were sent off to other schools. Kids whispered about them, stared at them, and rarely did these girls have baby showers given for them. They were not congratulated or celebrated, unless it was done also in secret. That was the non-church scene that I witnessed through my public high school. The church scene, well, wasn't too different. The very few teen pregnancies that happened to church friends of mine were huge shocks. Rushed weddings, secret pregnancies and quiet adoptions, tears shed often and weekly trips to the altar calls to pray for repentance, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. One girl, pregnant at 16, was allowed to attend youth until she started showing. When she was no longer allowed to attend youth, many were offended. When she had the baby and wanted to come back to youth, again, not allowed because she was no longer just another 17 year old. She was a mom. While at the time I was confused at the lack of "support", I see it so differently now.

Let's fast forward to 2014. I hear that statistics say teen pregnancy rates have dropped, but, seems like every month I hear of another friend of a friend whose teenage sister, cousin, brother, friend, child, is having a baby. Today, when a teen gets pregnant, more often than not, they are congratulated, celebrated and elaborate parties are thrown. I have witnessed girls get giggly and excited when their 15 year old friend proudly shows up to youth group with a large, round belly, complete with form fitted shirt. I overheard conversation, again at a church, between girls talking about their baby daddies, one girl not sure of who fathered her baby, another hoping that hers will stay around now that she has decided she is definitely keeping "it". 

As a Christian, I am proud to support girls that find themselves in an unplanned situation. The key word being UNPLANNED. But, when I hear that a girl intentionally got pregnant at 14, or that a handful are excited about each other's pregnancies and planning parties and play dates at 16 years old, my heart is sad. I want to support the ones that need the support, but do we support the ones that don't feel the slightest guilt or embarrassment? If we dig deeper, is it the ones who don't feel the guilt that need the most emotional support? 

As Christians, where do we draw the line? At what point do we go from tolerable to acceptable? In my opinion, by overly supporting these young girls, praising them for making the "right" decision to keep the baby (that they never planned on giving up) and never explaining the disappointment in the "wrong" decision of giving up their purity, we are no longer being tolerant of teen pregnancy, we are accepting it. Showers thrown to prove we support the girls just masks our true convictions and beliefs. And, avoiding teaching abstinence in fear of hurting the ones who already gave themselves away just downplays the reality that "hooking up" is dangerous. Although, when you hear a teen is having a baby, are you disappointed in them because the pregnancy, or because they gave up their purity? I feel like so many adults now are just concerned with the pregnancy part, forgetting the bigger picture. It's not that the teen gave up the teaching of being "safe", they gave up something they can never get back.

Once a taboo situation becomes socially acceptable, it becomes a norm. With shows like 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and even Preacher's Daughters, we are telling our teen girls that sex and hooking up among "church kids" is just as normal and acceptable as those who are not raised the same way. But, it's not. The church kids need to stand up and set the norm. Be the example. By time a "church kid" reaches their teen years, they need to be equipped to "be a light unto the world". If more church kids stood up against peer pressure and had a strong foundation of truth and morals, how much change could they bring to a generation that so desperately needs it?

Totally overwhelmed....

I think I should stop the morning coffee for a while. The problem is, it isn't until I've made and started drinking that I realize I need to give it up for a bit. It's been making me a bit jittery and I'm having legit anxiety pains in my chest! 

If you are my friend on Facebook, you probably know I finally announced that we are moving. Not far, just four miles away! The process began about 3 weeks ago or so and we are closing next week. Very fast! Since it is move in condition, we don't have to do any work prior to moving. It's exciting and bittersweet!

I've lived on the same block for over 30 years. We bought this house at the beginning of 2004 and it is just 6 houses down from my mom. Since then, we added 3 kids and a dog to the family. I love seeing the kids' faces light up as they run down to Grandma's house, screaming for her. They love having Grandma pop in, often with surprises (Cheetos, cookies, treats!). Sometimes my mom helps take Sam to school if needed, sometimes I run down and get my mom's cell phone and drive it out to her at work if she forgets it and needs it. The 5 kids that live next door to my mom have grown up together with mine. It started with Alexis and their oldest two, and as time went on and babies were born, we all stayed close. We even took a trip to Traverse City last year together! That was a blast and the kids still say it was the best vacation ever, lol. Hopefully, more will come. That's the bitter part of the move. The kids LOVE running to each other's houses and hanging out all day in the summer, and the few hours of play time after school. I like being near my mom.

The sweet part: we have prayed for God's direction as far as moving for a few years now. We are a 6 person family living in 900 square feet. We've put offers on house after house and got outbid. It was discouraging and we almost gave up! Then this one came along. With some reluctance, we decided to check it out since it met many of our requirements: close to my mom, brick, 4 bedrooms, nice yard, in our price range....we got there and I just knew it was gonna be ours! Best part, MOVE IN CONDITION. Every other house we'd seen needed work and cosmetic updates. This one has even recently been painted neutral! And the whole process, from bidding to underwriting, has gone WAY smoother than ever. Even finding a renter for our current home was a piece of cake! I know God has to have his hand on this, and I feel very blessed.

So why am I anxious? Why have I been stress snacking?! Why can't I calm the heck down? I know you are expecting some profound answer to help you with your issues, but the truth is, I don't have it! I do know that I find some relief when I breathe deep and remember the verse, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6.

I think we all get a little normal anxiety when life changes. Even happy times, it's a change. It's the unfamiliar. It's the "there's no turning back now!". As I get older, I realize change is a bit harder. Maybe it's because I'm responsible for little people now. All I know is that when we move, I'm having a party!

I woke up this morning earlier than needed. I should say it was so I could spend some quiet time in the Word, but it was Sammy being loud as all get out that woke me up. I made some coffee and sat down at the computer to work on a few things I needed to get done. I figured I could at least get a few tasks done before the little two wake up, since Marty was getting Sam ready and out the door for school.

Wrong. Sam decided to sing at the top of his lungs while brushing his teeth. The bathroom is right across the hall from Elisabeth, so before we had a chance to hush him, we hear this squeaky, small cartoon voice singing along with her big brother.

My baby girl is the sweetest, spunkiest, funniest little two-year old I know. I may be partial, but she is one entertaining little peanut. She wakes up at the crack of dawn (or earlier) and is full of energy. It's exhausting! As I type now, she is chatting it up about the important paper she is coloring on with a purple pen. Yeah, she started scribbling before I could stop her, so now I have to print a new page. Oh, well. I least it's replaceable!

She love "choo-choos", her big brothers and terrorizing Foxy. Her hair is wild and unruly and she always has a gigantic grin. Excuse the cornball post, but she makes life so fun. Don't cross her, or she will slap you silly!

No, it's not her birthday or anything special. Just a special morning with my sweet pea and her cartoon character voice :)

Attempting to be a breakfasting-making mom

Getting 3 kids out the door to get one of them to school on time has proven to be a great undertaking. Someone poops, pees, is starving, can't find a shoe, etc and all of the above at the exact moment we are already 5 minutes past my first attempt at leaving the house. Some days I just throw in the towel and say, "we'll get there when we get there" and other days I'm psycho mom, carrying kids out football style, while another never put shoes on and all may or may not have had breakfast. Not for the lack of trying, but they are just not breakfast people! Granola bars, yogurt, applesauce, cold pizza, dry cereal, cereal with milk, toast...I have all this stuff at any given time and most times it's a battle to get them to eat one Cheerio. It's very tempting to grab a box of Pop-Tarts, aka, cookies marketed as a breakfast item, and let them go at it. But, I do care about their growing bodies to a degree, so those mornings we are so rushed I forget to make my coffee, I kindly go through Tim Horton's and grab them something they can eat in the van....a vanilla dipped donut with sprinkles. Yep. (blast away, crunchy moms, blast away.)

 So I found on Pinterest a decent looking recipe for these mini-muffin scrambled egg things. Looked easy enough and I had all the ingredients so I decided to whip up a batch this afternoon. Let me start by saying, I don't really "do" eggs. I may eat them on occasion when we go out to breakfast, and I will once in a great while scramble some up for Sam and Elisabeth if I somehow managed to wake up before the crack of dawn and not in a frenzy to rush out the door.

Well, eggs are gross. I thought chicken was gross to work with. Eggs are like snot. As I poured the egg mixture into the mini muffin pan, globs of egg white would plop in and splash out or overfill the cup. I guess I didn't whisk them enough, so I tried to use a spoon to scoop some out and into a different cup. Bleh. *insert gag sound here*. It is the consistency of a toddler's snot. Not the easy to wipe stuff, the stuff that just keeps smearing and sliding and you have to use like 100 tissues to clean the child's face. I almost threw it away, but figured, I'll just feed them to everyone else! I chopped up some cooked turkey bacon...and by chopped I mean, attempted to chop but that did nothing so I manhandled the bacon into pieces. Why does turkey bacon not crisp like pork?! sheesh.

Baked for 14 minutes at 350, which of course, I did not preheat because I never do. I'm not against it, I just never can remember to do it. If I do remember, I most certainly do not remember to then switch the knob on my ancient stove to "bake" and therefore my creations do not get cooked properly. Many a dishes have been wasted or ruined by this issue I have.

I know right now you are expecting me to say they burned or were nasty. But, you know what? They turned out fine. Butt ugly and stuck to the pan, and those little beasts were a pain to get out of my supposedly non-stick pan, but guess what? Sam tried one...AND LIKED IT. He asked for seconds and then said he needed to save the rest for breakfast because he was gonna "tear them up". Well, thank you, Jesus for Pinterest. My kid is not gonna starve tomorrow! (disclaimer: I do not let my child go to school without some sort of breakfast!

Let Go, Let God

Well, here it is a week and two days later, and I'm just now getting around to posting again. Yep. I can't get 30 minutes of distraction free time to sit and attempt to be another blogger in the over-saturated "mommy blogger" market. Heck, I can't even get 10 minutes. Even right now as I started typing, Elijah woke up and decided he needed some cuddles. Cuddles with my main squeeze trumps blogging!

I really am in a writer's block mindset. My brain is full of a list of activities and errands that I need to do over the next few days. My brain never stops. I think it's why I'm tired ALL.THE.TIME. Over stimulation. Sitting down to type for a few minutes use to help me relax, now the thought of wasting time that could be spent doing something "productive" consumes me. I could be working on my Origami Owl business, I could be getting the kids dressed for the day, there is laundry in the wash, I look like a hot mess, my coffee needs warmed up, I need to go to the grocery store and use my coupons that expire soon...and, and, and, and...

When did life get so busy? Time has flown by. It's time to slow it down. It's not procrastinating to take a few minutes to enjoy your coffee, read something, blog something, breath deep. Being a stay-at-home mom brings all sorts of responsibilities...and the term doesn't fit me because we are gone more than we are home. But, the point of being a SAHM is doing the best you can as first a mom, and everything else is secondary. And for me to be my best, I must enjoy my coffee while it's hot and take a few minutes to myself to "recharge". I made a list of things that should be accomplished in the next few days, and I'm committing myself to not rack my brain about those things anymore. One task at a time. And if someone comes along to make you feel inadequate- they are employed by the devil and you have full permission to ignore them :)

Matthew 11:28- Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give them rest.

My interpretation: Take time to spend with Jesus, praying to thank Him for his faithfulness and asking for peace and guidance for where you are in your life.

Commitment Issues...

Time to come clean. I have commitment issues. I over commit myself often, of course with good intentions. I have always felt that if someone else can do something, so can I! So, if I saw another mom able to run a successful household and be involved in church, community and school as well as workout often and maintain a great physique, I should be able to as well! Right there I set myself up for failure. I am not "that mom" therefore, I should not aspire to do a long list of things that maybe I'm just not made to do!

The last 3 (ok 5) years have been a total whirlwind for me! My last two children are just 16 months a part. Although that is not uncommon for many families, for me it has been crazy! Elijah marches to the beat of his own drum, didn't walk until 15 months (I was sure I'd be carrying him Elisabeth came along) and is very particular about...EVERYTHING. I won't call him difficult, but he was quite the fussy baby! Lucky for me, he has an amazing big brother who absolutely loves his little sibs :) Looking back, I'm not so sure it's the having them close in age that was the only factor in the whirlwind feeling, but as well as other issues we as a family were dealing with that all happened all at once! Here we are now though and everything is falling back in place and the "wind" isn't blowing quite so hard!

I had friends come and go in those years, some hard losses and some it was just time to move on; we had family issues that are now resolved; we had major changes in our church, all of which are resolved; and Alexis, my step-daughter, has become a teenager. That's a lot to deal with all at once! In that time, I know I often over-reacted to situations out of stress, yelled at my kids over something dumb, blew off friends, forgot dates, lost my mind! lol...for realz, I was overwhelmed!

What helps me is writing. Getting my thoughts out there. Who has time for that?! I am often told I should have a blog because I'm so darn witty ;) I didn't dare tell people I had a blog that was on my list of commitments I slack on! But, in honesty, I felt inadequate. There are so many "mom blogs" out there that I feel so inferior to. What could I possibly offer?
- I'm not a crafty person, and crafts are last on my budget list (ok, they aren't even on "the list"!) so I'm not "that mom"
-I'm not some major financial, budgeting expert to tell you how to save your family so much money that you can take 5 trips to Disney in one year so I can't be "that mom"
-I'm exhausted, will not blog daily, cranky when things don't go right, yell at my kids more out of stress and tiredness than for what they did, so I'm definitely not that positive, "Love and Logic" kind of mom
-I have little patience for couponing and will follow my two couponer blogs and get deals, but definitely not interested in taking the time to blog exclusive about coupons, sales and freebies.
-I don't homeschool. I don't cook amazing gluten/dairy/sugar free meals in my gourmet kitchen while smiling and having my children assist me. I don't read for an hour everyday with each child. I don't have advice on becoming a "better" mom.

Can you relate to this, or is it really just me? There are so many super moms (or at least facades of) that I felt like I was just inadequate in every aspect of motherhood! I have spent the last few years on "survival mode" that I would get so upset at myself for not doing more/being more/seeing more. Well, finally it dawned on me. Those markets are over saturated anyway. I read many of them on the rare occasions I get a chance, because I scour for ideas that I never actually follow and crafts I never make. But, I need a little motivation in my life, so I decided to blog my thoughts.

So here's the deal. I'll blog when I feel like it. It may or not be good. Maybe it'll be life-changing. Maybe it'll be the worst read of your life and you have to go read a coupon blog or do a craft to get over the pain you feel from my blog, while making your quinoa salad and drink kale juice.
Here's what I do have to offer:
-I make mistakes as a mom, wife, friend, dog owner and all the other hats I wear. I can admit it.
-I make attempts at changing my families eating habits, even with two very picky eaters.
-I grew up in church and have many great memories and a few bad ones.
-I was miraculous healed from childhood leukemia, which stories of that time will definitely come out, as well as the meaning behind the name of the blog.
-I am a step-mom with a great "bonus" daughter. FYI- even with a great stepchild, step-parenting is more often a thankless, stressful, sometimes hurtful job. You have all the work of the parent, and get little to no credit. In some situations, you may help raise a child that is being trained, brainwashed and manipulated into hating you and thinking you are evil, though you do absolutely nothing to deserve that. You will be overlooked by family, and friends may tell you that you try too hard because after all, the step child isn't your kid. But, when you married, you chose to love unconditionally, so through hell or high water, you will do so.
-I'm slowing becoming more of someone who enjoys doing things alone rather than with others and I feel awkward in social situations that I use to love being a part of. I think it's part of getting older, or maybe I really am losing it!
-I'm obsessed with great worship music. I love to break down the lyrics and apply them to life. Or attempt to. Or just write it out and slack on the follow through. I feel I was supposed to be a worship leader, but somewhere down the line I missed out on the ability to sing in public.
This blog is too long, so I will end it because my brain never shuts down. Ask my friend, Amy. Thoughts are always running through my head. I'm pretty sure I have ADD. No offense to anyone who does. I've always been accused of being airheaded and not focused, and looking back, it ALL. MAKES. SENSE.
See ya when I see ya. Hopefully I come up with something good ;)

Moving on...

It's true. We are no longer attending the church that I have attended for a decade. Let me keep this short and sweet and to the point. I am addressing this because there seems to be confusion as to why we left!

First of all, we were not offended by someone or something. We did not leave to be with friends (could've, would've done that 2 years ago!). When the church went through the changes it did, we felt a very definite voice telling us to stay. So, stay we did...for two years. It was a great two years. The church is thriving and people are growing. The body is united.

For over a year, every time I drove past (on a daily basis), our new church, I felt a tug in my heart. My response to the tugging was to pray for them. Friends of ours attended there, so I figured that was why I felt connected. When Marty felt we should visit, we both knew BEFORE we even visited, that we would be committing to the church. Two services later, we discussed it and the Lord confirmed it. My emotions ran the gamut of sad to excited to anxious, but when the Lord says "go", you GO!

As Christians, we are all called to go. When we think of sending people out, we think of missionaries and foreign countries. Some may also think of church planting hundreds of miles away, or the other side of the country. But, sometimes we get called to go just down the street.

We absolutely love our church family at Faith. We plan to attend special events, and hope to stay connected to the family. We love our new family at New Heights as well. Though we are still new and haven't gotten to know many people, we feel so welcomed. The children have adapted well, also. We know we are here at this place at this timing for a reason.....it's amazing how you wait and wait on the Lord for something and feel like, "sheesh, when is this going to happen?" Then one day you realize, "AHHH, THIS is why we went through all those trials, and this is why the Lord wait until this point in time!"

If anyone has questions, feel free to message me!

Love, Sarah

PS- yes, I used to blog for a while. I did the E-votionals for our women's group, and prior to that I was just trying to keep up on my writing...though, I wasn't very good and couldn't find any inspiration!