Tolerance vs Acceptance?

While wandering the aisles of the Christian bookstore today, filled with anxiety due to all the beautiful books and wall art I wanted to purchase, I saw a book by Sarah Jakes. Jakes, as in TD Jakes? I said to myself. I picked it up, and glanced over it. The daughter of TD Jakes, huge mega-church pastor, wrote a book...about her pregnancy 11 years ago...at the age of THIRTEEN. What the what?! I mean, a teen pregnancy is controversial, a Pastor kid getting knocked up, even more so, but at THIRTEEN...whoa.

Let me stop and clarify. I am in no way bashing Sarah or any of the Jakes. It takes great courage to not only have the baby and raise it, but to then write a book about it, even if years later. I did not purchase the book today, but it is on my list to read soon. (Who has time to read with all these kids running around?!) As my husband and I are venturing into ministry, I pray daily that God keeps my children pure, and gives me the ability to raise them to do right. 

This is in no way an educated writing, no formal statistics or great, thought-provoking verses being spewed here. Just the thoughts inside my brain. In "my day", circa mid to late 90s, when a teen got pregnant it was a shock. Many kept it quiet, tried to hide it, and/or were sent off to other schools. Kids whispered about them, stared at them, and rarely did these girls have baby showers given for them. They were not congratulated or celebrated, unless it was done also in secret. That was the non-church scene that I witnessed through my public high school. The church scene, well, wasn't too different. The very few teen pregnancies that happened to church friends of mine were huge shocks. Rushed weddings, secret pregnancies and quiet adoptions, tears shed often and weekly trips to the altar calls to pray for repentance, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. One girl, pregnant at 16, was allowed to attend youth until she started showing. When she was no longer allowed to attend youth, many were offended. When she had the baby and wanted to come back to youth, again, not allowed because she was no longer just another 17 year old. She was a mom. While at the time I was confused at the lack of "support", I see it so differently now.

Let's fast forward to 2014. I hear that statistics say teen pregnancy rates have dropped, but, seems like every month I hear of another friend of a friend whose teenage sister, cousin, brother, friend, child, is having a baby. Today, when a teen gets pregnant, more often than not, they are congratulated, celebrated and elaborate parties are thrown. I have witnessed girls get giggly and excited when their 15 year old friend proudly shows up to youth group with a large, round belly, complete with form fitted shirt. I overheard conversation, again at a church, between girls talking about their baby daddies, one girl not sure of who fathered her baby, another hoping that hers will stay around now that she has decided she is definitely keeping "it". 

As a Christian, I am proud to support girls that find themselves in an unplanned situation. The key word being UNPLANNED. But, when I hear that a girl intentionally got pregnant at 14, or that a handful are excited about each other's pregnancies and planning parties and play dates at 16 years old, my heart is sad. I want to support the ones that need the support, but do we support the ones that don't feel the slightest guilt or embarrassment? If we dig deeper, is it the ones who don't feel the guilt that need the most emotional support? 

As Christians, where do we draw the line? At what point do we go from tolerable to acceptable? In my opinion, by overly supporting these young girls, praising them for making the "right" decision to keep the baby (that they never planned on giving up) and never explaining the disappointment in the "wrong" decision of giving up their purity, we are no longer being tolerant of teen pregnancy, we are accepting it. Showers thrown to prove we support the girls just masks our true convictions and beliefs. And, avoiding teaching abstinence in fear of hurting the ones who already gave themselves away just downplays the reality that "hooking up" is dangerous. Although, when you hear a teen is having a baby, are you disappointed in them because the pregnancy, or because they gave up their purity? I feel like so many adults now are just concerned with the pregnancy part, forgetting the bigger picture. It's not that the teen gave up the teaching of being "safe", they gave up something they can never get back.

Once a taboo situation becomes socially acceptable, it becomes a norm. With shows like 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and even Preacher's Daughters, we are telling our teen girls that sex and hooking up among "church kids" is just as normal and acceptable as those who are not raised the same way. But, it's not. The church kids need to stand up and set the norm. Be the example. By time a "church kid" reaches their teen years, they need to be equipped to "be a light unto the world". If more church kids stood up against peer pressure and had a strong foundation of truth and morals, how much change could they bring to a generation that so desperately needs it?

Totally overwhelmed....

I think I should stop the morning coffee for a while. The problem is, it isn't until I've made and started drinking that I realize I need to give it up for a bit. It's been making me a bit jittery and I'm having legit anxiety pains in my chest! 

If you are my friend on Facebook, you probably know I finally announced that we are moving. Not far, just four miles away! The process began about 3 weeks ago or so and we are closing next week. Very fast! Since it is move in condition, we don't have to do any work prior to moving. It's exciting and bittersweet!

I've lived on the same block for over 30 years. We bought this house at the beginning of 2004 and it is just 6 houses down from my mom. Since then, we added 3 kids and a dog to the family. I love seeing the kids' faces light up as they run down to Grandma's house, screaming for her. They love having Grandma pop in, often with surprises (Cheetos, cookies, treats!). Sometimes my mom helps take Sam to school if needed, sometimes I run down and get my mom's cell phone and drive it out to her at work if she forgets it and needs it. The 5 kids that live next door to my mom have grown up together with mine. It started with Alexis and their oldest two, and as time went on and babies were born, we all stayed close. We even took a trip to Traverse City last year together! That was a blast and the kids still say it was the best vacation ever, lol. Hopefully, more will come. That's the bitter part of the move. The kids LOVE running to each other's houses and hanging out all day in the summer, and the few hours of play time after school. I like being near my mom.

The sweet part: we have prayed for God's direction as far as moving for a few years now. We are a 6 person family living in 900 square feet. We've put offers on house after house and got outbid. It was discouraging and we almost gave up! Then this one came along. With some reluctance, we decided to check it out since it met many of our requirements: close to my mom, brick, 4 bedrooms, nice yard, in our price range....we got there and I just knew it was gonna be ours! Best part, MOVE IN CONDITION. Every other house we'd seen needed work and cosmetic updates. This one has even recently been painted neutral! And the whole process, from bidding to underwriting, has gone WAY smoother than ever. Even finding a renter for our current home was a piece of cake! I know God has to have his hand on this, and I feel very blessed.

So why am I anxious? Why have I been stress snacking?! Why can't I calm the heck down? I know you are expecting some profound answer to help you with your issues, but the truth is, I don't have it! I do know that I find some relief when I breathe deep and remember the verse, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6.

I think we all get a little normal anxiety when life changes. Even happy times, it's a change. It's the unfamiliar. It's the "there's no turning back now!". As I get older, I realize change is a bit harder. Maybe it's because I'm responsible for little people now. All I know is that when we move, I'm having a party!

I woke up this morning earlier than needed. I should say it was so I could spend some quiet time in the Word, but it was Sammy being loud as all get out that woke me up. I made some coffee and sat down at the computer to work on a few things I needed to get done. I figured I could at least get a few tasks done before the little two wake up, since Marty was getting Sam ready and out the door for school.

Wrong. Sam decided to sing at the top of his lungs while brushing his teeth. The bathroom is right across the hall from Elisabeth, so before we had a chance to hush him, we hear this squeaky, small cartoon voice singing along with her big brother.

My baby girl is the sweetest, spunkiest, funniest little two-year old I know. I may be partial, but she is one entertaining little peanut. She wakes up at the crack of dawn (or earlier) and is full of energy. It's exhausting! As I type now, she is chatting it up about the important paper she is coloring on with a purple pen. Yeah, she started scribbling before I could stop her, so now I have to print a new page. Oh, well. I least it's replaceable!

She love "choo-choos", her big brothers and terrorizing Foxy. Her hair is wild and unruly and she always has a gigantic grin. Excuse the cornball post, but she makes life so fun. Don't cross her, or she will slap you silly!

No, it's not her birthday or anything special. Just a special morning with my sweet pea and her cartoon character voice :)

Attempting to be a breakfasting-making mom

Getting 3 kids out the door to get one of them to school on time has proven to be a great undertaking. Someone poops, pees, is starving, can't find a shoe, etc and all of the above at the exact moment we are already 5 minutes past my first attempt at leaving the house. Some days I just throw in the towel and say, "we'll get there when we get there" and other days I'm psycho mom, carrying kids out football style, while another never put shoes on and all may or may not have had breakfast. Not for the lack of trying, but they are just not breakfast people! Granola bars, yogurt, applesauce, cold pizza, dry cereal, cereal with milk, toast...I have all this stuff at any given time and most times it's a battle to get them to eat one Cheerio. It's very tempting to grab a box of Pop-Tarts, aka, cookies marketed as a breakfast item, and let them go at it. But, I do care about their growing bodies to a degree, so those mornings we are so rushed I forget to make my coffee, I kindly go through Tim Horton's and grab them something they can eat in the van....a vanilla dipped donut with sprinkles. Yep. (blast away, crunchy moms, blast away.)

 So I found on Pinterest a decent looking recipe for these mini-muffin scrambled egg things. Looked easy enough and I had all the ingredients so I decided to whip up a batch this afternoon. Let me start by saying, I don't really "do" eggs. I may eat them on occasion when we go out to breakfast, and I will once in a great while scramble some up for Sam and Elisabeth if I somehow managed to wake up before the crack of dawn and not in a frenzy to rush out the door.

Well, eggs are gross. I thought chicken was gross to work with. Eggs are like snot. As I poured the egg mixture into the mini muffin pan, globs of egg white would plop in and splash out or overfill the cup. I guess I didn't whisk them enough, so I tried to use a spoon to scoop some out and into a different cup. Bleh. *insert gag sound here*. It is the consistency of a toddler's snot. Not the easy to wipe stuff, the stuff that just keeps smearing and sliding and you have to use like 100 tissues to clean the child's face. I almost threw it away, but figured, I'll just feed them to everyone else! I chopped up some cooked turkey bacon...and by chopped I mean, attempted to chop but that did nothing so I manhandled the bacon into pieces. Why does turkey bacon not crisp like pork?! sheesh.

Baked for 14 minutes at 350, which of course, I did not preheat because I never do. I'm not against it, I just never can remember to do it. If I do remember, I most certainly do not remember to then switch the knob on my ancient stove to "bake" and therefore my creations do not get cooked properly. Many a dishes have been wasted or ruined by this issue I have.

I know right now you are expecting me to say they burned or were nasty. But, you know what? They turned out fine. Butt ugly and stuck to the pan, and those little beasts were a pain to get out of my supposedly non-stick pan, but guess what? Sam tried one...AND LIKED IT. He asked for seconds and then said he needed to save the rest for breakfast because he was gonna "tear them up". Well, thank you, Jesus for Pinterest. My kid is not gonna starve tomorrow! (disclaimer: I do not let my child go to school without some sort of breakfast!

Let Go, Let God

Well, here it is a week and two days later, and I'm just now getting around to posting again. Yep. I can't get 30 minutes of distraction free time to sit and attempt to be another blogger in the over-saturated "mommy blogger" market. Heck, I can't even get 10 minutes. Even right now as I started typing, Elijah woke up and decided he needed some cuddles. Cuddles with my main squeeze trumps blogging!

I really am in a writer's block mindset. My brain is full of a list of activities and errands that I need to do over the next few days. My brain never stops. I think it's why I'm tired ALL.THE.TIME. Over stimulation. Sitting down to type for a few minutes use to help me relax, now the thought of wasting time that could be spent doing something "productive" consumes me. I could be working on my Origami Owl business, I could be getting the kids dressed for the day, there is laundry in the wash, I look like a hot mess, my coffee needs warmed up, I need to go to the grocery store and use my coupons that expire soon...and, and, and, and...

When did life get so busy? Time has flown by. It's time to slow it down. It's not procrastinating to take a few minutes to enjoy your coffee, read something, blog something, breath deep. Being a stay-at-home mom brings all sorts of responsibilities...and the term doesn't fit me because we are gone more than we are home. But, the point of being a SAHM is doing the best you can as first a mom, and everything else is secondary. And for me to be my best, I must enjoy my coffee while it's hot and take a few minutes to myself to "recharge". I made a list of things that should be accomplished in the next few days, and I'm committing myself to not rack my brain about those things anymore. One task at a time. And if someone comes along to make you feel inadequate- they are employed by the devil and you have full permission to ignore them :)

Matthew 11:28- Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give them rest.

My interpretation: Take time to spend with Jesus, praying to thank Him for his faithfulness and asking for peace and guidance for where you are in your life.

Commitment Issues...

Time to come clean. I have commitment issues. I over commit myself often, of course with good intentions. I have always felt that if someone else can do something, so can I! So, if I saw another mom able to run a successful household and be involved in church, community and school as well as workout often and maintain a great physique, I should be able to as well! Right there I set myself up for failure. I am not "that mom" therefore, I should not aspire to do a long list of things that maybe I'm just not made to do!

The last 3 (ok 5) years have been a total whirlwind for me! My last two children are just 16 months a part. Although that is not uncommon for many families, for me it has been crazy! Elijah marches to the beat of his own drum, didn't walk until 15 months (I was sure I'd be carrying him Elisabeth came along) and is very particular about...EVERYTHING. I won't call him difficult, but he was quite the fussy baby! Lucky for me, he has an amazing big brother who absolutely loves his little sibs :) Looking back, I'm not so sure it's the having them close in age that was the only factor in the whirlwind feeling, but as well as other issues we as a family were dealing with that all happened all at once! Here we are now though and everything is falling back in place and the "wind" isn't blowing quite so hard!

I had friends come and go in those years, some hard losses and some it was just time to move on; we had family issues that are now resolved; we had major changes in our church, all of which are resolved; and Alexis, my step-daughter, has become a teenager. That's a lot to deal with all at once! In that time, I know I often over-reacted to situations out of stress, yelled at my kids over something dumb, blew off friends, forgot dates, lost my mind! lol...for realz, I was overwhelmed!

What helps me is writing. Getting my thoughts out there. Who has time for that?! I am often told I should have a blog because I'm so darn witty ;) I didn't dare tell people I had a blog that was on my list of commitments I slack on! But, in honesty, I felt inadequate. There are so many "mom blogs" out there that I feel so inferior to. What could I possibly offer?
- I'm not a crafty person, and crafts are last on my budget list (ok, they aren't even on "the list"!) so I'm not "that mom"
-I'm not some major financial, budgeting expert to tell you how to save your family so much money that you can take 5 trips to Disney in one year so I can't be "that mom"
-I'm exhausted, will not blog daily, cranky when things don't go right, yell at my kids more out of stress and tiredness than for what they did, so I'm definitely not that positive, "Love and Logic" kind of mom
-I have little patience for couponing and will follow my two couponer blogs and get deals, but definitely not interested in taking the time to blog exclusive about coupons, sales and freebies.
-I don't homeschool. I don't cook amazing gluten/dairy/sugar free meals in my gourmet kitchen while smiling and having my children assist me. I don't read for an hour everyday with each child. I don't have advice on becoming a "better" mom.

Can you relate to this, or is it really just me? There are so many super moms (or at least facades of) that I felt like I was just inadequate in every aspect of motherhood! I have spent the last few years on "survival mode" that I would get so upset at myself for not doing more/being more/seeing more. Well, finally it dawned on me. Those markets are over saturated anyway. I read many of them on the rare occasions I get a chance, because I scour for ideas that I never actually follow and crafts I never make. But, I need a little motivation in my life, so I decided to blog my thoughts.

So here's the deal. I'll blog when I feel like it. It may or not be good. Maybe it'll be life-changing. Maybe it'll be the worst read of your life and you have to go read a coupon blog or do a craft to get over the pain you feel from my blog, while making your quinoa salad and drink kale juice.
Here's what I do have to offer:
-I make mistakes as a mom, wife, friend, dog owner and all the other hats I wear. I can admit it.
-I make attempts at changing my families eating habits, even with two very picky eaters.
-I grew up in church and have many great memories and a few bad ones.
-I was miraculous healed from childhood leukemia, which stories of that time will definitely come out, as well as the meaning behind the name of the blog.
-I am a step-mom with a great "bonus" daughter. FYI- even with a great stepchild, step-parenting is more often a thankless, stressful, sometimes hurtful job. You have all the work of the parent, and get little to no credit. In some situations, you may help raise a child that is being trained, brainwashed and manipulated into hating you and thinking you are evil, though you do absolutely nothing to deserve that. You will be overlooked by family, and friends may tell you that you try too hard because after all, the step child isn't your kid. But, when you married, you chose to love unconditionally, so through hell or high water, you will do so.
-I'm slowing becoming more of someone who enjoys doing things alone rather than with others and I feel awkward in social situations that I use to love being a part of. I think it's part of getting older, or maybe I really am losing it!
-I'm obsessed with great worship music. I love to break down the lyrics and apply them to life. Or attempt to. Or just write it out and slack on the follow through. I feel I was supposed to be a worship leader, but somewhere down the line I missed out on the ability to sing in public.
This blog is too long, so I will end it because my brain never shuts down. Ask my friend, Amy. Thoughts are always running through my head. I'm pretty sure I have ADD. No offense to anyone who does. I've always been accused of being airheaded and not focused, and looking back, it ALL. MAKES. SENSE.
See ya when I see ya. Hopefully I come up with something good ;)

Moving on...

It's true. We are no longer attending the church that I have attended for a decade. Let me keep this short and sweet and to the point. I am addressing this because there seems to be confusion as to why we left!

First of all, we were not offended by someone or something. We did not leave to be with friends (could've, would've done that 2 years ago!). When the church went through the changes it did, we felt a very definite voice telling us to stay. So, stay we did...for two years. It was a great two years. The church is thriving and people are growing. The body is united.

For over a year, every time I drove past (on a daily basis), our new church, I felt a tug in my heart. My response to the tugging was to pray for them. Friends of ours attended there, so I figured that was why I felt connected. When Marty felt we should visit, we both knew BEFORE we even visited, that we would be committing to the church. Two services later, we discussed it and the Lord confirmed it. My emotions ran the gamut of sad to excited to anxious, but when the Lord says "go", you GO!

As Christians, we are all called to go. When we think of sending people out, we think of missionaries and foreign countries. Some may also think of church planting hundreds of miles away, or the other side of the country. But, sometimes we get called to go just down the street.

We absolutely love our church family at Faith. We plan to attend special events, and hope to stay connected to the family. We love our new family at New Heights as well. Though we are still new and haven't gotten to know many people, we feel so welcomed. The children have adapted well, also. We know we are here at this place at this timing for a reason.....it's amazing how you wait and wait on the Lord for something and feel like, "sheesh, when is this going to happen?" Then one day you realize, "AHHH, THIS is why we went through all those trials, and this is why the Lord wait until this point in time!"

If anyone has questions, feel free to message me!

Love, Sarah

PS- yes, I used to blog for a while. I did the E-votionals for our women's group, and prior to that I was just trying to keep up on my writing...though, I wasn't very good and couldn't find any inspiration!

Rising Up- M&M E-votional

What a refreshing weekend I had at Eagle's Wings! I know many of you didn't go, and I strongly encourage that you make plans to attend next year. It will change your walk with the Lord for the better. Consider it a "strength-training" weekend! Not only will you build stronger relationships with your girlfriends in Christ, and build new ones, but the very atmosphere at Clear Lake Ranch is breathtaking. How can you NOT see God there?

In case you don't know me, I am HUGE into worship music. I love to soak in it, focus on the words and really personalize each song. When I hear new ones that really speak to me, I HAVE to share it! So with you, I want to share a great Rita Springer song we sang:

I am blessed among the people,
I am blessed among the Nations,
I am blessed because I am loved by You
I am loved and highly favored
Saved by the grace of a Mighty Savior
I am blessed because I am loved by You

Bridge:
No weapon formed against me will prosper
No curse can ever take His promises from me
When hope is gone and the darkness has fallen
I will still believe, I will still believe
Chorus:
I will rise up
I will rise up
I will rise up and call myself BLESSED!!!

Ok, so I put the emphasis on that last "blessed"...you are a Child of GOD! You also are blessed and highly favored! It sometimes amazes me how many women feel they are not worthy to inherit the promises God has for us. The words of this song spoke to me so deeply. I have had the enemy attack me in so many ways personally and spiritually as far as depression, anxiety, fear, relationships, finances, family, self-confidence, etc. Having grown up in church, I know to be strong, I know what advice a Christian would give me and amazingly that makes it worse because then I feel guilty for worrying, being depressed, having problems I can't fix. HELLO! None of us can fix our problems! Not without God!
This week has been yet another trial for me. One thing after another, I've been blindsided by attacks from the enemy. Praise God I was able to make it to my "strength-training" weekend or I would not have had the ability to get through the last few days. This song was on constant repeat in my head all week, even during the most painful moments. I AM blessed and HIGHLY FAVORED! I AM saved by the grace of a MIGHTY savior! No weapon formed against me will prosper, no one can take HIS PROMISE from me! It is when all hope is gone and darkness is fallen that we MUST still believe! I encourage you to personalize this song in your life. What is trying to keep you from the promises of God? A relationship or lack thereof? Money issues? Depression? Feelings of unworthiness? You name it and declare to yourself and that situation this song! I WILL rise up! I WILL call myself BLESSED!!!! No weapon formed against me will prosper! As a mentor/mentee team, I encourage you to discuss what this means in your life and how these very words can give you the strength to overcome even the darkest areas of your life.

Verses: Isaiah 54:17; Numbers 10:35; Dueteronomy 28:7; Luke 1:45; Dueteronomy 7:14

Where do I go from here? M&M e-votional

So you got saved. Maybe it was 20+ years ago, maybe it was a few weeks ago. Common still is the question, "What should I be doing?" Well, part of that answer is simple. The Great Commission. Go into all the earth and preach the gospel. It doesn't mean you have to hop the next plane to Pakistan with Ray and John. It doesn't mean you have to sell all your belongings and go live in a hut in some jungle. Your mission might be right inside the walls of our church.

Whether you are mentor or mentee, you have both made a big step in your walk with the Lord. He gave us the gift of salvation, and you are showing your gratitude by wanting to go deeper. Don't think mentors don't grow from this relationship! You can never be too "saved" to grow deeper.

But what's next? I've been saved my whole life, and I still asked that question. I still get in ruts. I often feel inadequate, unworthy, and often question: "Is this it? Is this all I'm going to do with my life?" I want to do more. We also have a time and place in our lives for everything; we Christians refer to them as "seasons"! I have many ideas and things I'd like to do, but I'm also popping out a baby in February and have a 3-year old son. Now is not the time for me to hit the road with my ministry!

What are you called to do? If you don't know, answer this: What do you have a passion for? What do you like to do? God knows our strengths and weaknesses. He isn't going to call you to something you hate! Maybe you love children. Maybe you like praying with people and giving encouragement. Praying for the needs of the body of Christ might be what you enjoy. Or, maybe you just want to keep learning, and you have a thirst for knowledge. Maybe you have a strong desire to teach those thirsting for knowledge the way you once did earlier in your Christian walk. Maybe you like to make coffee. Guess what? We have a place for you in ministry at Faith!

What I don't understand is why we have 500 people on a Sunday morning and so many claiming they want to go deeper, do more, live out the Great Commission....but a couple dozen people show up Sunday nights, even less sign up for Bible Studies. Granted, in this society we are too busy. You may be thinking, "I'd love to get more involved, but I'm already committed to so many other things outside of church." Well, let me ask you this, is there anything you can scale back on to make more room for God in your life? This makes me think of the movie Sister Act. By the way, you totally get to experience the Sarah Mouser randomness right now. Remember in Sister Act they remade secular songs? Well the one song was, "What has he done for me lately?" But, on Sister Act they rewrote the lyrics to say, "What have YOU done for HIM lately?" I'm not kidding, that song does pop in my head from time to time and I feel the conviction! You don't have to lead a ministry to give back to God, you can SUPPORT His ministries by being involved, making them successful by your participation. Trust me. The blessings you will receive are immeasureable.

I don't want to live a mediocre life. This is what has been on my mind the last several weeks as I've been preparing myself for Eagle's Wings. I'm not called to mediocracy. I want to go beyond that. I want to be more than Marty's wife and a mom to his kids. I want to be Sarah Mouser: A Great Asset in the Kingdom of God. Someone the devil fears. I have much deeper to grow before I get to where I am going, but at least I'm stepping up.

Verses: Matthew 28:18-20; Ephesians 6:13; Psalms 144:1; Hebrews 6:1

Staying in Step with the Spirit/M&M week 3

When I was in 9th grade, I was in marching band. I played the flute. I was totally self-conscious and so afraid I would play the wrong note, I would just fake it that I was playing and hope my band teacher didn't notice. It was too hard to concentrate on marching in beat with everyone else AND play at the same time! That's like chewing gum and walking! The girl behind me however was always a 1/2 step a head of the beat. Every few turns, she would stomp on my foot and I would stumble, and the band teacher would glare at me, thinking I was the one off beat! It was so frustrating! The teacher would always tell us that if you rush and make the wrong step, you mess up the whole plan, and it is difficult to get back to where we need to be.

I think keeping in step with the Spirit is like that. We have to find the right beat, or timing and stay in sync with God's plan for our lives. This requires of us discipline and admitting we do not have perfect timing. If we step out of line to do our own thing, it will only be that much harder to find our way back to where He wants us to be.

We aren't perfect. We want things when we want them. We want our prayers answered immediately, our families saved, the perfect job, the perfect spouse, a big house, our children to follow God always, etc. When our prayers aren't being answered in OUR timing, it is easy to step out of line and try to make something happen before God's timing. How many know that forcing something to happen in our timing rather than God's always seems to have a consequence? Often times it means more heartache, frustration, grief and anxiety. We even lose focus and faith.

Also as easy as rushing ahead is lagging behind, the not knowing what God wants of us. What do many people do when they don't know what God wants us to do? Nothing. They wait for what they believe God is going to do for them. When nothing happens, they lose faith and question God's plan. If God's plan for you is not clear, one thing is: trust Him. Be consistent in prayer and your devotion, talk to your mentor or an accountability partner. Have prayer partners. God NEVER lets us down, but we can let ourselves down. Through trust and prayer, we are sure to continue to march in step.

Verses: Galations 5:25; Micah 6:8;

M&M E-Votional Week 1--Lies the Devil Tells Us

What a busy week it has been for me! Strange, because I work very part-time and my son was visiting his grandparents all week! Still, the week seemed to fly by! As I prayed and read and tried to think of what to write about for our e-votional, negative thoughts floated my way.
Who are you to write this E-votional? You have no skill! No wisdom!
No one will like what you write.
No one even knows who you are, and they don't care.

I've also been dealing with some issues lately that I thought would have been taken care of by now through much prayer, and haven't. Again, negative thoughts.
Why would God answer your prayer? You're not important.
You wasted your time and energy praying for something that isn't going to happen.
A man gave you a word, and he's just man. He lied just to get your hopes up for nothing. He doesn't really have the prophetic gift.
Your husband obviously doesn't care about the situation because he isn't showing he cares.
God doesn't care that you are hurt, he is the one that let you get hurt.

I even got depressed and felt worthless.
Why are you having another baby? You can't take care of the one you have.
You don't deserve to have kids.
You aren't going to be able to afford all the things you need, you don't even have room in your house, stupid.
You should be working full-time. You can't afford to be home.
Of course, the thoughts when I was working were: You are a loser for working full-time. You aren't even raising your own child. You obviously don't care about your family's needs if you are working full-time.

How crazy am I?! And how crazy are you?! Do you allow the father of lies to speak negative thoughts into your life?
You're fat. You shouldn't even go to church. It's embarrassing.
No one likes you, you have a boring personality.
Your hair looks so bad, don't go out in public.
You have no nice clothes, definitely don't go out witnessing.
Ew, what's up with your skin? You're going to scare people away.
Don't host anything at your house. People will see how messy or unstylish you are.
You don't deserve happiness. That's why God lets you be miserable.

Don't believe those things! Those are all LIES! God created us and LOVES us. When we are sad or upset about something, He wants to comfort us, sing over us, be there for us in our time of need! But, too often we get so caught up in these negative thoughts, we can't even see that it is the devil putting them into our head to keep us from doing what God has planned for us! John 8:44 even says "...he was a murder from the beginning, speaking no truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, because he is the father of lies." Many times we miss out on blessings God has for us because we are so consumed with thinking about the negative things! God doesn't speak negative, He only speak positive.
I love you! You are my beloved!
I created you because I WANTED YOU.
You are a beautiful creation and you are blessed.
Be with me! Come dine with me! Be in my presence!
I will take care of your needs! Cast your burdens on me, don't carry them!

The great thing about M&M is you now have a mentor that can support you and help to guide you in being more positive and casting out those negative lies! I promise you, your mentor has also had a problem with it at some point in their lives! Mentors, you are a mentor because God wants you to be one! You are good enough! You do have something positive to pour into another woman's life! You do have wisdom!
This week I have set a goal. When the negative thoughts creep in, I will stop what I'm doing and rebuke it. I will remind myself of what positive things God is doing in my life and lives around me. I'm not saying it'll be easy, but I know God is there to catch us when we fall.

Verses: Psalm 36:7; Zeph 3:17; 1 John 3:1; Psalm 121:1-2

M&M E-Votional week 4 - April 8th, 2009

Today is one of those days I sit and think, "Wow, where did the year go? It's Easter already?" As a kid, I LOVED Easter. It meant new white sandals, a pretty dress, maybe a new white purse and lacy, turncuff socks. We'd wake up on Easter morning to find our clever (brown paper bag) Easter baskets, decorated with verses and stickers, filled with chocolate, Peeps, fake grass, and a softball or baseball. Yes, every year we got a new ball each. Oh, and I'd usually get sidewalk chalk or a jumprope and my brother would get baseball cards or a GI Joe. Ahhhh, every kid's dream.
Then I got older. I always knew the story of Easter, but as a kid, it seems like just another Bible story about people who were alive way before me and the stories really didn't seem all that different than hearing a story from my books. But, around 9 or 10, I had a revelation! WHAT?! He really died on a cross like that? It's not just an actor on a cross with gross, fake blood? For me? WHY ON EARTH would He do that? I've done nothing to deserve it! After that revelation, no Easter was the same. Sure, I still enjoyed my baskets and egg hunts, but maybe with a little twinge of guilt as I ate my chocolate wondering why I am enjoying a heavenly snack that has nothing to do with Jesus dying on the cross.
My personal decision with Easter is that we do give the kids Easter baskets. I'm taking Sammy to an Easter egg hunt. This year we may even dye eggs! I bought the kit and I even found a "religious" themed kit with stickers and the sinner's prayer! But, I put my Christian spin on it. Family Christian is a great place for clever items like the Jelly Bean Prayer and toys with the message of Easter on them. It is important for me that my kids understand Christians can have fun too, but we need to know the real truth behind the fun and games. Sammy is only 2 so it is hard for him to understand, but Alexis gets it. In fact, if her basket is filled with more socks and candy than items with the message of Easter, she makes sure to point it out! She always wants me to send extra stuff for her to share with her brother in Kentucky, and she even shares the story of Easter with her brother and friends, as she wants to make sure everyone she is close to understands the meaning of Easter is NOT egg hunts, bunnies and chocolate.
This isn't the most spiritualized, profound devotional, I know! But, it was what was in my mind and on my heart as I'm sitting down for the first time today thinking, "What, it's Wednesday? What happened to Monday?" Sometime in the process of rushing around this week trying to plan the perfect Easter baskets, buying the right dress and finding the perfect ham, stop and remember what it is we are really celebrating this weekend. It's not just the season, it's what I think is one of the most important, if not most important, day in Christianity!

Verses to Read: Romans 5:10; John 11:25; Luke chapters 23 and 24

M&M E-votional Week 2

As some of you may know, I am a closet worship leader. I LOVE worship music. It is uplifting, beautiful, inspiring, motivating, the list goes on. For me, worship music has been a great source of strength, keeping me moving forward over the last several months with one test of Faith after another. And I'm not kidding when I say it has been a tremendous help when it comes to working out! I have a really good 45 minute playlist and I can do my cardio workout to worship with no problem. The only trick is to not get into the worship too much! It's not a good thing to close your eyes and raise your hands when you are on an elyptical or treadmill, or running a track, or really any movement with your eyes closed! Seriously though, the Lord speaks to me during my workouts when I listen to worship!

My song of the moment is "Hosanna" recorded by Hillsongs. I've been disecting it for about a month now, and to my glorious surprise, Libby Julian sang it a few Sunday nights ago, and then again the following Sunday morning. If you haven't heard the song, google it. It is so good. And I'm not just talking rhythm, instruments and voices. I'm talking the words! I spoke earlier in the month about how we need to focus on what we are singing and not just singing a pretty song. We need to focus on the anointed words in the songs we sing!

Take the first part of the song:
I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith, With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, We're on our knees

This is what the author saw when writing the song. What does it mean to you? To me, when I sing it, I can literally picture Faith Christian Assembly taking their place as a leader in our community saving lives, bringing revival to our community, our county, our state, our country through worship, intercession, evangelism, the list goes on.

Now this is the part that really chokes me up:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from nothing to Eternity

Now really think about that. We are asking Him to show us how to love like He has loved us. I don't even love my friends and family the way He loves me. I'm just being honest! And then the clencher for me, "Break my heart for what breaks yours"...that is something powerful! I am brought to tears every time. Yes, even at the Y surrounded by strangers, it is everything I can do to not totally lose it! When I get to that part of the song, it is tough to really sing it. I think of people who I don't want to love like He loves me. There is one particular person who is living it up, a life full of sin, doing whatever she can to bring pain and hurt to my family. Every time I sing that line (quietly of course, I don't want anyone to hear me sing!), I think of this woman who I never want to think about. I think about how God's heart is breaking because her actions breaks mine. But his heart is also breaking for her. How it hurts Him to see her throw her life away and live so recklessly. Then I think about how singing that line means I'm asking God to have my heart break like His does. He isn't heartbroken and wanting revenge. His heart is breaking because He just wants to rescue her into His arms, forgive her for everything she is doing and has done and just wipe her slate clean with no revenge or hard feelings! How many of us feel this way towards our "worst enemies"?
I looked up the definition of Hosanna. I mean, really, I knew it meant to praise Him, but I wanted to see what else it said. When Jesus rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, the people shouted "Hosanna" while waving palm branches. Back then it meant, "Save us" or "deliver us". Apparently over the years the translation became simply, "a declaration of praise". When the chorus of "Hosanna" plays, I can picture myself in the crowd, waving my branch, shouting along with them. I can see Him on the donkey, waving to me, signifying that He heard me! When the crowd was shouting "Hosanna" they were praising Him, knowing He would save them.

I know this is a simple E-votional. But, a relationship with God is that simple. My purpose and challenge in the devotional is not to just share with you how I love worship music and this song, but to cause you think next time you worship. Think about the words and what they mean. Don't just sing "Break my heart for what breaks yours". Mean it. And if you don't mean it, don't sing it. Just as your heart might be breaking from pain that has been inflicted upon you, His heart is breaking because yours is breaking, and He just wants to wrap you up in His arms, if you'll let Him.

Verses: Psalm 118:24-26; Matthew 21:9; John 12

I'm sitting in the basement thinking...."my God, it's only 10am." If I was still working, the day would maybe go a little faster, though I'm not sure that is necessarily a good thing. Ilana has cried most of the morning, major seperation anxiety. Sammy has been a complete tornado, more than usual. He has destroyed pretty much every room of the house in the last 2 1/2 hours. He seems to sense that his presence upsets Ilana, so he insists on playing right next to her and being loud as all heck! I've realized today that for some reason Disney thinks playing Imagination Movers 75 times between the hours of 6:30 and 10:30 is a good thing. My goodness, that show is IRRITATING. If I was single and met one of those guys and I found out what they did for a living, I might would smack them around a little. Wiggles is less annoying than this show!

Though my own patience has surprised me, I am learning to focus more on God. Yes, I have a spiritual spin to my blog. Next week I'll turn 29, which I know is not all that old, but I've been in church and a Christian for pretty much 29 years. From a young age I was involved in ministries ranging from working in the nursery at 12, student leadership, countless retreats, camps, conventions, etc...and I am ashamed of how little I really KNOW about the scriptures. When someone is dealing with something, I can't just spout out a scripture! Most the time I know what I need to do when going through something (course, I'm still working on diminishing my flesh and actually doing what I need to do!)...but I'm not very good at witnessing or reaching out to others. So in the little bit of down time I get through out the day, I'm going to devise a plan to learn more scripture! Oh, did anyone get the handy dandy calendar at last night's business meeting? It has a scripture for each day of the week! LOVE IT! Now, I don't think I can memorize a verse a day, but I can sure try! I am resolving this year to be a completely different, BETTER, stronger Christian. I want to know that I KNOW I'm hearing from God so that I stop second guessing decisions when seems don't go the way I think they should!

A Review of the Day

Today was a big day in history, no matter who you voted for. I of course, not being one to watch parades on tv, did not care to watch the festivities of Washington D.C today but did turn it on around 3:30pm....basically because it was on every station. My little Sam the Ham is the smartest and cutest thing ever. He was playing contently when I turned on the tv, saw about 30 seconds of the parade and then he took off to the back of the house. I figured he was running off to his room to bring out more toys. Nope. He emerged from Alexis's room carrying two American flags that I didn't even know where in there! He handed one to Ilana and then waved his around and told her to do the same! I was cracking up...thank God my camera battery was charged! I think that is right up there with JFK, Jr. saluting for his dad's funeral. Ok, maybe not to anyone else, but to me it was!

Where has all the time gone?!

Well, I haven't blogged in forever, and I apologize to all my blogworld buddies. We went on a MUCH needed vaca (December 31st-Jan 7th) and then came home to have my child of course get a cold from the weather changes. Florida was fantastic and I wish we would've stayed longer! It was a bummer not having Alexis with us, but hey, that will be likely the first and last vacation we take without her! I came home quite refreshed and motivated to kick my house's butt into order! I've been cleaning like I've never cleaned before! In fact, no joke...I've vaccuumed at least 2-3 times a day, and the first few days home from vaca I probably vaccuumed 5 or 6. Yes, it needed it that bad. When I was working, I maybe vaccuumed 2 times a month, if that! And, it likely was Marty doing it, not me!

So being a SAHM is so easy. It's a breeze. I'm loving it. My child is perfect. My house is perfect. My life is perfect..........HA! Such a lie. I knew it would be a difficult task and I've been taking each day in stride. No two days are a like! Sammy seems happy to be home, but I can tell he misses being around kids. We had a great play date with Liv and Angela last week and hope to have more. I start babysitting a little girl tomorrow who is a year younger than Sam. That should help him out as far as having a playmate. I'm going to babysit 3 to 4 days a week, which will help with groceries. We are still praying and trusting God to guide our steps. This was a big leap of Faith for me and an even bigger one for Marty so I know everything will work out. I am content and way less stressed. I don't go through each day feeling like I'm wasting my life away! I feel like I'm actually doing something important, even if some people would think SAHM's are unintelligent and lazy....I'm appalled that there are people like that. So many SAHM's I know are very intelligent, educated and the complete opposite of lazy! You have to be! I feel like for the first time in a long time I enjoy what I'm doing, I'm doing something with meaning, and I can focus more clearly on my tasks and my future.

Done with the sappyness. I have some 2009 resolutions....

1. Make my blog almost as cool as Kelly's, though I'm not that creatively talented.

2. Not freak out on my kid when he poops on the floor because he saw Foxy do it.

3. Organize my house, one room at a time, even if it takes the whole year.

4. Declutter, sell stuff on Craigslist and Ebay, donate...whatever it takes to get junk out of my house!
5. Organize my photos, make photo albums and scrapbooks and not feel pressured to hurry and get it all done in a certain amount of time. That'll give me anxiety. It gives me anxiety thinking of the utter chaos that is my photo collection and lack of printed photos. Kelly, how the heck do you do it? Does Elek eat your supplies?

6. Come up with creative ways to make some moola.

7. Oh...this is spiritual, so it should be number one: Study the Word in a new way, spend more time praying, take opportunities as they come but not be afraid to say no when it's something I don't feel called to do.

8. Spend more time with my girlfriends.

9. Educate myself some more.

10. Of course, lose weight :)

My grand finale....

Because I forgot to blog it, I will start with saying that Wicked was fantastic! Who knew that Alphaba and Galinda were actually college roomates?! And the Alphaba (the wicked witch) was actually not wicked at all, just greatly misunderstood because she was green?! I would go see it again in a heartbeat! What I think we need to do is take a road trip to Chicago and see it there! Who's with me?!

Today is my last day as a slave to "the man". No more emailing with Angela, no more chatting with Laila about the stepkids (ok, yeah, we probably still will!), no more income. Yikes! I need to figure out an alternative money maker fast. But, I am excited about this leap of Faith and as I lay in the sun this week in sunny Fort Lauderdale, I will contemplate and pray for what God has in store. I think 2009 is going to be a life changing year for me, and my last day couldn't come at a better time!

I feel for my buddy Laila...or Lailer as I lovingly call her. She really got the shaft here, but she too has decided to take a leap of Faith and quit her job! Her last day is next week. So our 3 man department is down to one! And since the company thought we did nothing all day anyway, they are replacing me with someone from a different department. He will work 10 hours a week doing my job. Hmmm....I had more work that I could do in 40 hours, so he will do it in 10? I spend 10 just filing! Not my problem anymore. We feel for Kim. Poor girl will have to run the place!

So tomorrow I begin my life as a SAHM. So strange as I look back over 2008 and think about how my life has changed in the past year....a year ago I would never believe that I would be quitting my job, EVER. Marty was an embittered grouch, I was at my wit's end, the situation with Alexis seemed hopeless. Now all that has changed! I'll continue my blogging and hopefully as you follow my journey it will unfold into Alexis moving here, Angela and I busting out in ministry, Marty getting a fat raise, me finally getting inspiration for writing, and who knows what else? We'll have to wait and see....

Ahhhh...snow, lovely snow

Marty left for work this morning at 5am and the snow was light. I walked out the house shortly after 7am, and was ankle deep in snow! No shovel in sight, since for some reason they are in the garage, I had to trudge through the snow to my car. Did I mention I don't own a pair boots? yeah. As soon as I backed out of the driveway, I immediately began to think that it was not a good idea to try to go to work. I couldn't see more than 5 feet in front of me, and it looked like the blizzard of the century! But, I soldiered on....it only took me 45 minutes to drop Sammy off and get to work. The trip usually takes 10-15.

At 3:30pm today Marty and I will head out to go get Alexis. It's good we meet 1/2 way! Still, it's a blizzard in Michigan, icing in Ohio (where we meet) and 60 degrees in Kentucky. That means, Alexis will be dressed for Kentucky weather when we get her. Last spring when she came, we had some crazy snow that week and it was in the low 30's. We made sure her mom knew to have her dress warm. When we met up, her mom and the manfriend had sweats on. Alexis had on capri's, sandals and a t-shirt. No jacket, but it was in the bottom of her bag. Her bag full of shorts and tank tops. hmmm....we let her know that this time there is a blizzard, so maybe she will come in a swimsuit expecting some ice cream!

Which is worse?

Using all your natural, and probably supernatural strength to pry a frozen car door shut, or climbing in through the one door that will open, which happens to be the back driver side door...where your toddler is already strapped in to his carseat?

Coming outside and seeing the car is cleaned off for you, but only on the driver side...OR forgetting you have automatic start?

Snow in your shoes or up your pant leg?

Walking in 3 inches of snow without proper shoes to clean off the passenger side OR using power windows to shake loose the snow....only to end up with most of it landing inside your car?

Finally getting the driver side door open only to get a seat full of snow blown in OR trying to wipe it off your seat and getting it blown into your face?

Wrapping all the Christmas presents and forgetting whose is whose, OR your dog chewing on one of the packages just after you've wrapped it?

Starting your Christmas shopping early and realizing you've bought more than you really meant to buy (because you started so early) OR thinking you're done shopping only to realize you forgot someone, like a gift for your spouse from the kids....and you already went over budget....and you have a vacation coming up....?

Jesus loves me....

Well, I did it. I put in my 6 week notice a few weeks ago, following in Pat's footsteps by giving PLENTY of notice. My last day will be January 2 (technically, it's the 30th. Using vaca time on the 31st and 2nd). I'm pretty excited for what's to come in my early retirement. I don't want to refer to it as "quitting" because it just sounds so negative! It's something I have prayed for for so long, but of course I am nervous. There are a lot of changes shaking up the company so it seems like a prime time to go, but then doubt sets in and I start thinking, "Oh, my gosh! Did I act rash? Did I make a mistake? What if they were going to give me a promotion and a big fat raise?" Then of course I snicker....of course they won't be dishing out a big fat raise. A "promotion" maybe, but that would mean more work at the same pay. My reason for retiring is that I am sacrificing so much for so little! Would I work longer if I made more money? Maybe. Not that $$ is more important than my child, but Marty is now paying an additional $200 a month in child support because, well long story short....Wayne County stinks. We had no proof that Crystal was lying about her income so up went his support. I guess we just pray that God takes care of it. But, really...HE HAS! This is so God's timing, but the enemy is also going to try to take the things that God is blessing us with and try to us it to destroy us! For example: we are going on vacation. Hallelujah, I haven't been on vacation since my honeymoon 5 years ago. We've never been able to afford it. About a week or so before finding out the support was going up, we found tickets to Fort Lauderdale for WAY cheaper than normal for the holiday season. We'll be staying with his parents, which saves us from paying for a hotel. BUT- we are flying to Miami. The 'rents hate Miami airport, and it is pretty much the worse in the country. BUT, it was much cheaper than Ft. Lauderdale. Well, after calling countless places for shuttle or car, we couldn't find anything under $100. There goes the spending money. Oh, but wait...that which the enemy was trying to use to bring us down, the LORD made good! My father-in-law drove to this train station near their house and found out that it was nothing like the terrible reviews it got and was actually quite nice. It will get us to them in under 45 minutes and the cost....$8 total.
Next blessing- I love performance. Plays, musicals, dance...always wanted to go to the theatre, but tickets are so expensive and well, I gave up on that. But then Marty surprised me with tickets to Nutcracker AND Wicked! I'm so geeked. We went to Nutcracker on Sunday, which I was pleasantly surprised, except the men in tights were a bit too much right in my face- we were in the fourth row and me being so modest and immature, couldn't look as they were doing toe touches in the air right in my face. It just seemed sinful to look. Gross. Wicked is in a few weeks. SO geeked about that.
Christmas- we are giving Alexis a dang good Christmas. Not overindulging, but she'll be 10, and most years we had to borrow or scrape to get a few decent gifts. But, without any pain to our pockets and the fact that we are saving up for our trip, we were able to get her plenty of items from her wish list. She really does deserve it! Sammy- well, his gift is a trip to Gram and Gramps! lol...we did get him some, but he is little and oblivious and doesn't need much.

So of course, the enemy has swooped it and said things like, "Sarah, you'll never be able to do this without you working. Sarah you're a fool for quitting. Sarah, you have to pay for Crystal's expensive truck and lavish lifestyle, you can't afford to quit your job...." and on go the lies. I prayed for this opportunity to be home more for a long time and now I have it. And you know what? We will be able to continue to live. There are things we can cut back on, but what I realized was that Marty has paid the bills, bought the plane tickets, paid for a good chunk of the presents AND is saving for a car. All while paying close to $550 a month in support. That doesn't even make SENSE to me! God must be tossing money in our account or something. So, PRAISE GOD for the opportunities. While the enemy has tried to attack our finances, our marriage, our sanity and our family, the Lord has continued to bless us for doing the right thing! I think sometimes we get so caught up in trying to control our lives, that sometimes blessings go unrecognized. You really need to stop focusing on the negative and what you don't have and start focusing on God and what you do have! Then, you will be truly blessed!