Yesterday, Marty took off work to spend the day with Alexis. I was so happy about that, because he hasn't been able to for a few years now. First they went to the bank to deposit the money from her piggy bank into her savings account...he wanted to teach her about saving up for fun stuff. Then they drove out to Great Lakes Crossing to go to Gameworks. She saw Rainforest Cafe there, and had never been there, so of course, Marty had to take her for lunch. Then she just had to go to Justice, her favorite store and he had to buy her this shirt she picked out that says, "My Dad Rocks"! Good choice, I must say. She had the greatest time. She called me from the car on the way home and was squealing with excitement! She said it was the best time of her life and the best Daddy/Daughter Day ever. I think Marty may have had a better time than she did! He rarely has the opportunity to spend the entire day just the two of them, and in the past, we really couldn't afford to do too much. I think spending the day with her and seeing her so excited to be with him really opened his eyes. He doesn't have the emotional attachment I do, he feels the situation is what it is, we've tried to make it better, but her mom is just such a jerk for the sake of being one and what else can we do? I think he will have a much harder time sending her home this week than the other times. So much has gone on in the last several months, and her family dynamic has changed so drastically (in KY)...I think he finally feels the pain I feel, which some might say is so strange, since he's the father and I'm "stepmom"...unless you are a step-parent, you can't really understand. I can't detach, I think of her as my daughter, we've been a part of each other's lives for 7 years. When she goes back to KY, I feel like I'm throwing her to the wolves. I feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to protect her. But I have no rights, no say, nothing. If there is a medical emergency, I can't even really be there or make decisions. I'm really no one. Sometimes I wish I could detach, like some other step-parents. I never could understand how Marty could be so emotionless when she leaves and is gone for so long, and how he can forget to call her, and has to be reminded to call her and buy her little gifts. Through much in depth conversation this week, I have come to find he is not really as emotionless as it seems. He is quite messed up by the whole thing. It is "easier" for him to not talk to her when she is in KY, because the fact her mother screens all her calls, which she isn't supposed to do....he tries so hard to avoid Crystal at all costs, he sacrifices his relationship with Alexis to do so. But, we all know what happens when you stifle your thoughts and feelings and try to ignore your true emotions. You eventually boil over. Which has finally happened for him. He has been broken in this situation, and he's ready to do what it takes. Although I'm stressed and depressed, and it is completely from the enemy, I feel a glimmer of hope knowing that he does truly want the necessary changes to take place so Alexis can come HOME to us. I'm holding on to that promise, I truly believe she WILL be here soon. I just pray for grace to come now...I feel like I'm beyond what I can handle, and God promised not to give us more than we can handle. I feel like I'm in a state of constant attacking by the enemy and I feel weak and helpless. It is literally one thing after another and it's like this whenever she comes. I am trying to find the joy in it, knowing that the enemy only attacks those he is threatened by, and for us to be attacked so greatly when it comes to Alexis, must mean the promise is from God, that she WILL be with us and He has preserved her for His glory and a testimony will come from this!
For those looking for a Y update...nothing. Haven't been since last Wednesday. I REALLY need to go. I think we are going to night. Marty is going to take Alexis and Sammy swimming while I workout. I don't even own a decent swimsuit, so I won't be swimming. Ugh, I can't even imagine wearing a swimsuit right now. And, I've eaten terrible for the last several days. I feel gross. I need some detox tea or something. It's the depression. I hate that I get this way when she comes. It's really only during the short visits, because I know she has to leave soon. In the summer, I don't get so depressed, I get really excited to spend a chunk of time with her! Just pray for us Mouser's.
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