It worked, Angela!

On Saturday night I was feeling down. It happens when Alexis arrives. I admit, I often get jealous that her mom gets more time with her than I do. I know, it's silly and I quickly snap out of it. Saturday night though, I was more depressed than usual. I know it's a spiritual battle and I will overcome it, but sometimes it's more than I can take. Alexis is being so manipulated but she is sensitive and tender and doesn't realize it. I'm not the kind of person to tell her either. Her mom has been putting on a show for her new boyfriend (manfriend? grandpafriend? He's twice her age) and she's being great to Alexis by spending special mommy time with her and doing more with her and buying her nicer things. I'd be happy for Alexis because she is so excited about this change, except, I can't help but feel like it's just a phase because she's done it before and Alexis ends up hurt. Alexis is super excited because they are going to Florida in the spring and going to some fancy resort. Funny thing is, Alexis always spends the whole week with Marty's parents and doesn't spend any vacation time with Alexis. I get so upset because I want to go on vacation SO BAD but we can't afford it. We spend so much on child support, daycare and our mortgage we don't have extra spending money for fun vacations. Plus, when we have her on breaks, we usually can't get enough time off, and the way the picking up and dropping off goes, we can't do a mini-weekend vacation, except for in the summer, but then we're missing church, and we are her only way to church! UGH! We also don't have cars that run well enough to drive to Mackinac or Chicago, or even Frankenmuth! Moral of my long story/rant...so I used the Angela technique of "open the Bible and point", and it worked! I used my Newlywed Bible, which also has pretty good devotionals and it was all about blessings and God providing. Ezekiel 34:25-31. It talks about God is our provider and He is our shepherd and will provide for us and bless us and make us a blessing. You can read it and get your own take, but the devotional was written by a couple who didn't have much money for things early in their marriage, but in their low time God reminded them that He is taking care of them and He is their provider and will bless them. It was SO perfect. And I am blessed. More blessings I am thankful for:
1. My free honeymoon- Debbie and Mike Terry gave me points from their timeshare program and we spent a week in West Palm Beach. All we had to pay for was airfare, food and activities, but you know hotels can be very pricey!
2. My aunt who let me use her frequent flier miles so I could fly to Missouri for my college roomate's wedding, April 06. Otherwise, I would not have been able to afford a $400 ticket!
3. My job I have now, making much more than I did at my last job. At the last one, I had nothing extra to save for a vacation, not even a weekend in Frankenmuth! Now I can save a little each week to my little vacation fund, and we are going to take a vacation this summer. It won't be exotic, and we can't afford to fly somewhere so it'll be local, but it'll be something fun!
4. Good friends, who will actually read this whole, rambling blog.

How do you add friend's blogs to your page?

Alexis is coming tomorrow! I love that girl. She is so joyful and excited to come HOME to Michigan. Her birthday is Jan.2 and I'm letting her have her first ever New Year's Eve sleepover. Yikes. 5 kids ranging in age from 7-9. What did I get myself into? We're having karaoke and DDR and if they hang in there, they can toast the New Year with some Cranberry Splash 7-Up (if you haven't tried it, you should).
I need all my friends to pray for Alexis. She is so sensitive, sweet and loving. She is mature for her age in many areas, but it is because of circumstances in her life in Kentucky. She is forced to grow up to fast and it's really sad. Marty and I want her to live with us so bad. I know we are better for her. The example being set forth in KY is not just below or moral standards, but it's flat out wrong, Christian or not. She knows her mom cheated on both Marty and her ex-stepdad. In July, her mom left this stepdad that has been a great dad to her for the past 6 years. Now Alexis isn't allowed to see him or her ex stepsister, both of whom she was very attached to. July 21st Alexis found out about the break-up. What makes me sick is Alexis had to sleep on the floor for 2 months in this house her mom was renting. I just knew the reason she wouldn't buy her a bed was because she had a plan to move. And move she did. The first part of October she was moved in with a man twice her age that isn't even the slightest bit attractive. The other guy was a lot older, too, but he had a rugged look that could be seen as attractive. Alexis has been left home alone, isn't allowed to talk to or about her ex-family and has become so sad. She is very much an introvert in KY, spending most of her time alone or with her little brother. I get literally sick thinking about what must be going through her head, or what she is going through. Last Christmas, she was part of a happy family down there, a mom and dad, brother and sister, two dogs....not suspecting any problems. Now, it's mom, old man that looks like a grandpa, a part-time brother (spends half the week at his dad's). No pets, mom was sure to get rid of those. She doesn't think of her children's well-being at all. She is even teaching Alexis that divorce is not a big deal, it happens, get over it. She told Alexis the reason they moved in with this old guy was because he could pay for things and she couldn't afford rent. Good, teach your kid to grow up looking for a sugar daddy. Forget love, respecting yourself and others, morals....
Through all this God has really opened my eyes and challenged me. Marty, too. We need to better our marriage, better our home and get ready, because once we are truly ready to raise her and give her the best life possible, He's going to bring her to us.

Here I go again with my book thing

I found a funny website. It's good for a snicker. http://www.isthisyour.name/
I'm the King Cheetah. Go to the website and you'll get what I mean.

I want to write a book. Is that crazy? I mean JR Rowlings was the poorest of poor, wrote a few books about a wizard boy and now is one of the richest people in the world! I don't aspire to make millions (though it would be nice), I just want to live comfortable and not have to punch a clock every day. Ok, I don't really punch a clock, I'm salary and we don't have time clock thingies. I'm just saying, ya know? I have come to the revelation that I do not want to work full-time, year-round doing something I half enjoy. I feel if I was home, I could find more inspiration for my books. But, I need to work, because we need the money, so I need to find inspiration in my "free time". Ok, mom's....laugh with me now. SAHM's and working mom's never have free time. I look back over the last ten years and find that the reason I have not accomplished the majority of what I wanted to is because of the almighty dollar. I really can't complain though. God has really blessed me in so many ways. Sometimes, when I'm frustrated with my current situation I stop and try to name 5 things I'm grateful for:

1. My adorable son, Sammy, who is a miracle. I went through treatment for childhood cancer in the early 80's, which was nowhere near as sophisticated as it is now. I shouldn't have been able to have babies. Sammy is the best.

2. Waking up in the morning in a warm bed, in a house that I own with heat.

3. Sammy and Marty waking up in the morning.

4. My car starting this morning and getting me to work. Another day without a car payment. Praise God.

5. My mom living 6 houses down so she can be at my house at a moment's notice when I'm exhausted and Sammy is not.

Oops...this is why I don't host

Christmas Eve was fine I guess. My brother brought some weirdo friend of his, because he can't go anywhere alone it seems. It was my job to heat up the food that my mom cooked. She went to church with my aunt and told me to preheat the oven at 5 and to put the food in at 5:15 to bake for 45 minutes. Got it. Simple. Except I forgot to switch the setting from preheat to bake, so the green bean casserole turned out mushy and the ham was lukewarm. Everyone seemed surprisely happy with the food and most people had seconds. Me on the other hand was so exhausted from wrestling Sammy away from the stove every 5 minutes, that I barely had an appetite. When I did sit down to eat, I felt like I was wolfing it down because Sammy was screaming, wanting out of his chair. This child. He will be the death of me. I shouldn't say that. He is a good baby, really, but he has SOOOOO much energy. Maybe it is from the Carmel Macchiato's I became addicted to later in my pregnancy. I swear I ordered decaf! I am still addicted to Carmel Macchiato's. Does anyone else feel ridiculous ordering at Starbucks? The order is way too long for one item. "I'd like a tall, non-fat, half-caf Carmel Macchiato no whip please." Seriously! Try doing that while keeping Sammy away from the glass travel mugs! Who uses glass travel mugs?
You see how I went from Christmas Eve to Starbucks? That is my brain. That must be why people mistake me for flightly. I'm really not! I promise. Ok, maybe a little. Back to Christmas.
Sammy was hilarious. He still doesn't quite get why we wrap his toys in paper, but the thrill on his face when he sees what's underneath that hideous paper is priceless! He opened some fleece PJ's from my mom and he thought it was the best thing ever! He squealed with delight, hugged them against his body and rubbed his face on them with his eyes closed and a big grin on his face. Oh, to be a 17-month old. I of course missed getting a shot of this great Kodak moment. His favorite Christmas Day gift I believe were his Animal Crackers that were in his stocking. He wouldn't let those get too far while he opened his other gifts. Since Alexis is more expensive, we didn't get Sammy too much....it's not like he'd understand or know about it...unless he reads this 10 years from now. Anyway, we got him a race track thing, a blow up football player that will catch the ball you throw at him, matchbox cars (Marty), pants and a Little People school bus which he likes to dance to when it sings "Wheel's on the Bus." He got a slew of other gifts from Marty's parents, my mom, Marty's grandma, my aunt and my cousins, so I don't feel bad about not getting him more. I could've done less!
Ok, that's enough of my random babbling that no one really even cares to read. I'll be surprised if anyone makes it this far. I have to get some work done. Happy Holidays!

I'm back, you're thrilled!

I really want to get back into blogging again. It is no surprise to me that I started it, forgot about it and months later when pondering writing a book, I remembered I had a blog! Reading Angela's blog reminded me, actually.
I'm at a place where I'm looking back on my 27 years and thinking, is this it? I saw my life turning out so different than what it has! I'm annoyed by the people who at 14 knew exactly what they wanted out of life and accomplished every goal down to career, years of work and what years and months they want their children born. I went through college thinking there isn't a subject here I want a degree in, really. I am interested in a variety of subjects from art to psychology, counseling to acting. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? I could pretend to be a counselor at a psycho ward with great art in my office. Hmmm....even that doesn't sound like ME. Shouldn't I know where I want to be and what I want to do with my life by now? I'm not getting any younger!
I still want to write. That's a pretty strong desire that has stuck with me. Maybe I'm just too humble to think I'm good enough...(ok, I know you are snickering at me. Thanks.) What do I write about? I feel I should write Christian books, because after all, I am one and I grew up in church. I should use my talent for the Lord. I don't feel mature enough for adult books, cool enough for teens and what the heck do kids want to read? I mean, the vegetables pretty much have that market!
Random change of topic here: I'm hosting Christmas Eve dinner tonight. I know I need to get up and start cleaning but I don't really want to. My house is small and there are too many people coming to cram into my small living room. How did I get chosen to host? Because I'm then only one who put a tree up this year. Crap. I've learned my lesson too late!
Hope everyone has a nice Christmas! Maybe I'll write again sometime. Topic ideas, anyone?

Denied

I thought I would be a good American citizen and give blood. My work was having a blood drive, and if you signed up, you also got entered into a raffle to win 2 tickets to six Tiger's games, so I thought it would be worth the sacrifice! Well, for years I haven't been able to give blood because of having had Leukemia, but I had heard that as long as you've been in remission for 5 years, you can give. Well, I've been in remission for 23 years, so I thought I'd be good as gold. Wrong. I can't give blood, ever. Funny thing is though, I turned into my mom for moment as the lady asked when I had leukemia. Would you believe, I got the chance to tell my testimony? She was amazed and so interested and, although I had to be brief because others were waiting, I can tell she was touched. Then I went back upstairs to get back to work, and people asked how it went, and I had to tell them I couldn't give. When they wanted to know why not, well, wouldn't you know, there again I had more opportunities to tell of the wonderful Grace of God. Isn't he good?
Growing up I was sometimes embarrassed when people would find out I had cancer. They would look at me so shocked, but I felt so awkward. It came up more often than I would have liked, because it was a part of me. It was my childhood. Now when it comes up, I'm happy to share my story.

Unwritten

So I have decided to jump on the bloggin' bandwagon, finally. Growing up I wanted to be three things. An actress, a writer or a youth pastor's wife. At 27 years old, other than some church plays and classes at EU, I've not become an actress. My husband is great, and called to ministry, but pretty sure it's not youth ministry. All that is left is for me to be a writer, but for years in college, I wrote news articles and to-the-point essays. For the past 8 years I've not been able to write anything "feature-y"! This weekend though I spent some time with some great women and got the juices flowing. I think my writer's block has lifted, so I've decided to blog.
If you're going to be reading my blogs though, let me warn you. I am not airheaded, but I do tend to be scattered in my writing. I like to write what pops in my head! I apologize now:)

So here is where I'm going to start. I've decided I want to write a book. Well, several, so the first of many, I hope. But, I'm having a hard time choosing a topic. In fact, I can't even think of topics for my blog. Writing about my day is too boring. Writing about other people, too boring and frankly just don't care, I guess! Celebrities-whack. So I think I'll make myself vulnerable and start with my story. I'm no one special, so writing my first book as a biography would probably not be much of a hit. I'd sell a few hundred copies, but probably just to my family and a few close friends! But if I start blogging about my story, or as we Christians call it, my testimony, maybe I can eventually develop something great, or at the least, sellable. Is that a word?

If you're reading this, you may or may not know that I am a cancer survivor. Childhood cancer, actually. At the age of 3 (1983) I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. That is cancer of the blood cells, and at the time, one of the most deadly in children (These days it has a a much higher survivor rate). Obviously I survived, and if you keep reading my bloggings, you'll learn more about this time in my life and how it has shaped me and made me who I am and what God has called me to be. I would not be who I am had I never had cancer. It's crazy to think back about what I went through, and mostly what my mom went through.

At the time of my diagnosis, my dad was living in Houston. He had gone down there to get a job with the police department, our house was up for sale and we would be moving once it sold. Well, shortly before I was diagnosed, my dad called my mom to let her know he had a pregnant girlfriend and not to bother moving down. Then my brother, who was 7 at the time, was diagnosed with severe ADHD. After that came my diagnosis. Her life was totally flipped upside down. But you know what? As shaken and upset she must have been, she stood true to her faith and stood on the Word of God. My church prayed for me, and my mom's friends prayed with her. She didn't give up, and even though the doctor's gave me one week to live, she insisted they put me on chemo. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and then one year and one month later, I was in remission. I've now been in remission 23 years, and have never relapsed. I believe I was healed by the Grace of God for the sake of my mother. She had enough going on! In fact, on a mission's trip to Bolivia, Pastor Galvano wanted to speak to me and since I can't speak Spanish or Italian we got someone to translate. If you've never heard of this man, well, let me tell you, the man hears from the Lord. He flows in the prophetic like nothing I've ever seen. Anyway, he told me that I was supposed to die. I was marked for death and was in Satan's grip. The Lord heard my mother's cry and rewarded her Faith and saved me. Can you stop and imagine that? That changed my life, him telling me that. I WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE. It was intended that I would die. The cancer was in 98% of my blood cells. AND I WAS FULLY HEALED. The doctor's could not explain it, and did not believe my remission would last. And here I am today, a daughter, a wife, a mother. I am strong, happy and saved by grace.
Future blogs, I'll tell you about my scars, some incidents I remember of the time, and how I grew up staying true to the Faith my mother raised me in. My friends will see a different side of me. If you have questions, let me know and I'll answer them!