My grand finale....

Because I forgot to blog it, I will start with saying that Wicked was fantastic! Who knew that Alphaba and Galinda were actually college roomates?! And the Alphaba (the wicked witch) was actually not wicked at all, just greatly misunderstood because she was green?! I would go see it again in a heartbeat! What I think we need to do is take a road trip to Chicago and see it there! Who's with me?!

Today is my last day as a slave to "the man". No more emailing with Angela, no more chatting with Laila about the stepkids (ok, yeah, we probably still will!), no more income. Yikes! I need to figure out an alternative money maker fast. But, I am excited about this leap of Faith and as I lay in the sun this week in sunny Fort Lauderdale, I will contemplate and pray for what God has in store. I think 2009 is going to be a life changing year for me, and my last day couldn't come at a better time!

I feel for my buddy Laila...or Lailer as I lovingly call her. She really got the shaft here, but she too has decided to take a leap of Faith and quit her job! Her last day is next week. So our 3 man department is down to one! And since the company thought we did nothing all day anyway, they are replacing me with someone from a different department. He will work 10 hours a week doing my job. Hmmm....I had more work that I could do in 40 hours, so he will do it in 10? I spend 10 just filing! Not my problem anymore. We feel for Kim. Poor girl will have to run the place!

So tomorrow I begin my life as a SAHM. So strange as I look back over 2008 and think about how my life has changed in the past year....a year ago I would never believe that I would be quitting my job, EVER. Marty was an embittered grouch, I was at my wit's end, the situation with Alexis seemed hopeless. Now all that has changed! I'll continue my blogging and hopefully as you follow my journey it will unfold into Alexis moving here, Angela and I busting out in ministry, Marty getting a fat raise, me finally getting inspiration for writing, and who knows what else? We'll have to wait and see....

Ahhhh...snow, lovely snow

Marty left for work this morning at 5am and the snow was light. I walked out the house shortly after 7am, and was ankle deep in snow! No shovel in sight, since for some reason they are in the garage, I had to trudge through the snow to my car. Did I mention I don't own a pair boots? yeah. As soon as I backed out of the driveway, I immediately began to think that it was not a good idea to try to go to work. I couldn't see more than 5 feet in front of me, and it looked like the blizzard of the century! But, I soldiered on....it only took me 45 minutes to drop Sammy off and get to work. The trip usually takes 10-15.

At 3:30pm today Marty and I will head out to go get Alexis. It's good we meet 1/2 way! Still, it's a blizzard in Michigan, icing in Ohio (where we meet) and 60 degrees in Kentucky. That means, Alexis will be dressed for Kentucky weather when we get her. Last spring when she came, we had some crazy snow that week and it was in the low 30's. We made sure her mom knew to have her dress warm. When we met up, her mom and the manfriend had sweats on. Alexis had on capri's, sandals and a t-shirt. No jacket, but it was in the bottom of her bag. Her bag full of shorts and tank tops. hmmm....we let her know that this time there is a blizzard, so maybe she will come in a swimsuit expecting some ice cream!

Which is worse?

Using all your natural, and probably supernatural strength to pry a frozen car door shut, or climbing in through the one door that will open, which happens to be the back driver side door...where your toddler is already strapped in to his carseat?

Coming outside and seeing the car is cleaned off for you, but only on the driver side...OR forgetting you have automatic start?

Snow in your shoes or up your pant leg?

Walking in 3 inches of snow without proper shoes to clean off the passenger side OR using power windows to shake loose the snow....only to end up with most of it landing inside your car?

Finally getting the driver side door open only to get a seat full of snow blown in OR trying to wipe it off your seat and getting it blown into your face?

Wrapping all the Christmas presents and forgetting whose is whose, OR your dog chewing on one of the packages just after you've wrapped it?

Starting your Christmas shopping early and realizing you've bought more than you really meant to buy (because you started so early) OR thinking you're done shopping only to realize you forgot someone, like a gift for your spouse from the kids....and you already went over budget....and you have a vacation coming up....?

Jesus loves me....

Well, I did it. I put in my 6 week notice a few weeks ago, following in Pat's footsteps by giving PLENTY of notice. My last day will be January 2 (technically, it's the 30th. Using vaca time on the 31st and 2nd). I'm pretty excited for what's to come in my early retirement. I don't want to refer to it as "quitting" because it just sounds so negative! It's something I have prayed for for so long, but of course I am nervous. There are a lot of changes shaking up the company so it seems like a prime time to go, but then doubt sets in and I start thinking, "Oh, my gosh! Did I act rash? Did I make a mistake? What if they were going to give me a promotion and a big fat raise?" Then of course I snicker....of course they won't be dishing out a big fat raise. A "promotion" maybe, but that would mean more work at the same pay. My reason for retiring is that I am sacrificing so much for so little! Would I work longer if I made more money? Maybe. Not that $$ is more important than my child, but Marty is now paying an additional $200 a month in child support because, well long story short....Wayne County stinks. We had no proof that Crystal was lying about her income so up went his support. I guess we just pray that God takes care of it. But, really...HE HAS! This is so God's timing, but the enemy is also going to try to take the things that God is blessing us with and try to us it to destroy us! For example: we are going on vacation. Hallelujah, I haven't been on vacation since my honeymoon 5 years ago. We've never been able to afford it. About a week or so before finding out the support was going up, we found tickets to Fort Lauderdale for WAY cheaper than normal for the holiday season. We'll be staying with his parents, which saves us from paying for a hotel. BUT- we are flying to Miami. The 'rents hate Miami airport, and it is pretty much the worse in the country. BUT, it was much cheaper than Ft. Lauderdale. Well, after calling countless places for shuttle or car, we couldn't find anything under $100. There goes the spending money. Oh, but wait...that which the enemy was trying to use to bring us down, the LORD made good! My father-in-law drove to this train station near their house and found out that it was nothing like the terrible reviews it got and was actually quite nice. It will get us to them in under 45 minutes and the cost....$8 total.
Next blessing- I love performance. Plays, musicals, dance...always wanted to go to the theatre, but tickets are so expensive and well, I gave up on that. But then Marty surprised me with tickets to Nutcracker AND Wicked! I'm so geeked. We went to Nutcracker on Sunday, which I was pleasantly surprised, except the men in tights were a bit too much right in my face- we were in the fourth row and me being so modest and immature, couldn't look as they were doing toe touches in the air right in my face. It just seemed sinful to look. Gross. Wicked is in a few weeks. SO geeked about that.
Christmas- we are giving Alexis a dang good Christmas. Not overindulging, but she'll be 10, and most years we had to borrow or scrape to get a few decent gifts. But, without any pain to our pockets and the fact that we are saving up for our trip, we were able to get her plenty of items from her wish list. She really does deserve it! Sammy- well, his gift is a trip to Gram and Gramps! lol...we did get him some, but he is little and oblivious and doesn't need much.

So of course, the enemy has swooped it and said things like, "Sarah, you'll never be able to do this without you working. Sarah you're a fool for quitting. Sarah, you have to pay for Crystal's expensive truck and lavish lifestyle, you can't afford to quit your job...." and on go the lies. I prayed for this opportunity to be home more for a long time and now I have it. And you know what? We will be able to continue to live. There are things we can cut back on, but what I realized was that Marty has paid the bills, bought the plane tickets, paid for a good chunk of the presents AND is saving for a car. All while paying close to $550 a month in support. That doesn't even make SENSE to me! God must be tossing money in our account or something. So, PRAISE GOD for the opportunities. While the enemy has tried to attack our finances, our marriage, our sanity and our family, the Lord has continued to bless us for doing the right thing! I think sometimes we get so caught up in trying to control our lives, that sometimes blessings go unrecognized. You really need to stop focusing on the negative and what you don't have and start focusing on God and what you do have! Then, you will be truly blessed!

M&M E-Votional Week...what week is this?!

What a great time Advent was last night! I hope you all agree, since I saw many of you there! Wasn't Francyne fantastic? If you've never been to an Eagle's Wings retreat, you MUST go next fall! I hear they have something special up their sleeve for us!

For those who weren't there, Francyne from Eagle's Wings was the guest speaker. She did a great job speaking on the topic of love, a great choice for the Christmas season! It made me think about how so many people go all year complaining about not having enough money or time, but then comes Christmas and all that changes. We start giving to those less fortunate, at least for a few weeks during all the drives for toys, can foods and coats. We say "Merry Christmas" to people on the street that any other time we'd pass by, careful to not glance in their direction. But, as Christians, shouldn't that love and generosity be in our hearts all year round? We are to be examples of Christ, not just at the season of His birth, but at all times. Like Francyne said, we need to do more than say nice words, we need to be an example through our actions!

What kind of example will you be today? What kind of example will you be at your holiday parties, family gatherings, the many shopping excursions? Will you rush through Target with your cart on a mission to hurry in and hurry out or will you let the woman with the three screaming kids cut in line so she can get out a little quicker? Will you sit at home in front of your fire, thinking of all the great presents you bought, or will you take the time to go Christmas caroling at a nursing home? (see Yzzy for that!)....Being that I'm a list maker, I made a list of goals for myself this Christmas season. What are yours?

Verses to Read: Titus 2:7; 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:14, 15

M&M E-Votional for the Week

I have to admit, I actually posted this back in early September. I started to write my E-votional about worship music and how healing it can be, and then I happened on this blog and decided to repost it as the E-votional. Hope that's ok with everyone!


I'm obsessed with music. Worship music. I love lyrics. I won't listen to a song with poor lyrics, even if the melody or beat is great. You know how you have certain songs for certain issues you're dealing with, or you hear a song and it really hits you where you're at and you have to listen to it over and over? That is me and the song, "My Savior, My God" by Aaron Shust. It is so good! Maybe I think too deep, but I know a few who will appreciate my brain. The song starts out:
"I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior"

How many times do we try to figure out why God let something happen? Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things to good people? We can't figured it out. We are not skilled to understand! All we can do is trust in God, our Savior, who has redeemed us. Through him we can get through the trials because we have Faith, but we cannot even begin to understand the why's. This opening statement also reminds me of the verse, 1 Corinthians 2:9 "...No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind can conceive what God has prepared for those who love Him..." I am HUGE on education. I don't think one should ever stop learning. I'm an advocate of lifelong education, taking classes, teaching others what you've learn. I am constantly googling for more understanding on various issues, words, people, etc. No matter how much you try to understand though, you will not being able to comprehend what God has in store for you. I keep repeating that line, "I am not skilled to understand..." I will post the rest of the lyrics below for you to read, and let sink in.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus 2x

No, peeps, that's not really me....but that is how my car looked this morning, as I'm sure yours did. PRAISE JESUS for remote start! Although, my car was running 10 minutes and still not defrosted completely. I'm just not ready for this cold! But, I am grateful gas prices have gone down quite a bit, so I don't worry so much about the fuel burning to warm my car. It is well worth it!

I have my blog open in two windows. I'm not vain, but I did it so I could type in one and listen to my playlist in the other! I'm telling you, I'm loving it. To be cheesy- my heart skips when each songs starts. When Revelation Song comes on, I feel like I might fall out in the floor! I just want to stand up and shout right where I'm at, hands lifted high! Pretty much each song has a special meaning for me...I'll share:

Wonderful Maker- big song for me. I was very depressed when I was not able to return to Evangel University due to $$, and during this song in worship one day 7 years ago, God wrapped his arms around me and held me...I could feel it as though He was really right there physically hugging me.

Lead Me to the Cross- Amy introduced it to me and instantly I loved it. It affirms my Faith, and everytime I hear it I pray for the backsliders in my life.

Shadowfeet- a really pretty song, also introduced by Amy. A good reminder that God is always faithful and will get me through the many trials.

Revelation Song- FAVORITE song. Love it. I seriously can feel the Holy Spirit. It makes me want to just stop everything and worship. It affirms in me my strength in God and that I know He has great things in store for me.

Open Up your Eyes - love it. That's all. I want to play this song for the backsliders I'm praying for!

Give me your Eyes- reminds me of On Eagles Wings.

Crazy Dreams-makes me think of Alexis.

I'm Yours- so fun, love it. Makes me think of my hubster.

If You're Out There- powerful song, not a Christian song, but can be challenging like one.

One World- just like it.

Your Name- another great worship song that gets me going, almost as much as Revelation Song.

Might to Save- who doesn't love it?

Backyard-reminds me of back in the day

Angel- actually, I added it cause Marty likes it, but he is never on here...

Spend My Life with You- favorite wedding song....played it at my reception for Marty

Check out my playlist!

If you haven't noticed yet, I added a playlist! Yahoooooeeeeyy! I feel so accomplished. I realize Mrs. Rennie should be to thank for the awesome taste in music. At least three of the songs are because she introduced them to me....thanks, pal! Scroll down to view my playlist.

Meanwhile, I think I might hurl. I had one of those banquet frozen meals for lunch, and though I took it from the freezer, it wasn't totally frozen, which I thought was a little odd, but ate it anyway. Now I have a weird rumbling in my tummy. Hmmm....note to self, don't make that mistake again.

Fabulous Friday....

Today is Fab Friday.

My left nostril is completely blocked. Just the left one. It's causing my left eye to water.

I'm going to a tennis mixer tonight. With my mom. Look out Venus.

Tonight I will allow myself to download two songs for my MP3. After tennis, of course. I'm leaning towards a little John Legend "If You're Out There" and maybe some Hillsongs United or Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser (thanks, Amy!)

I have my 30% off Friends and Family coupon for Old Navy and intend to use it today.

It's the weekend! YAHOOEY! Marty will be going out later on Saturday night, meaning I will have the tv to myself. I'm taking suggestions for a good chick flick.

I'm at work today, but Praise God it's Casual Day. I get so much more work done when I can wear jeans.

In 48 hours I will go to church, catch up with a few friends and be refreshed by the Word and praise and worship! No, wait.....I think I have nursery. Well, I'll be refreshed by friends.

That's about all for my boring ol' blog. Just needed to kill a few minutes....

Seriously, I need a vacation...

This week has been enough to push me over the edge! I'm stressed and sick but not defeated. Nope, I will not give the enemy the victory! I know that in spiritual battles, it gets worse before it gets better, so BRING IT ON!

Yes, peeps...I am sick. I have an ear infection, again...weird. I didn't think adults get those, but I get them maybe once or twice a cold season. As well as strep, I get that, too. As well as sinusitis, which is pretty much an ongoing issue, but every year at this same exact time of year I get a combo of strep, ear infection, bacterial sinus infection (meaning antibiotics are the only thing that will get rid of it!)....on top of that, it all started when Sammy got sick Thursday night with what I thought was the flu but I'm not sure. He has an ear infection and....ASTHMA. UGH. Marty is a little freaked and panicky and I think maybe a little weirded out by how relaxed I am about it. Ok, so when the Home Healthcare truck pulled up at 9pm last night with a nebulizer the reality hit me a little bit, but hey, I'll take asthma over a slew of other things that are WAY worse. Plus, it's not even that bad. He really will only need it at night, and maybe during the day. My sitter is going to keep an eye on the coughing and I totally trust her judgement. Her kid had to use a nebulizer for 10 years, so pretty sure she knows what she is doing! I love her!

At cafe on Saturday we said what we were thankful for. I had a hard time thinking of something because really, it's been one thing after another for a few months now! BUT...I have reevaluated and here is my list:

1. I am grateful that I serve a God that promised to provide all my needs
2. I am grateful I have two great, generally healthy, very smart kids
3. I am grateful for friends that I can depend on and lean on
4. I am grateful to live in a country where I can attend a church of my choice and have the freedom of speech.....for now anyway!
5. I am grateful that despite the war the enemy has waged on mine and Marty's moola, I have Faith in God's promise to take care of me and the promise to bring Alexis HOME. (in case you don't get it, once she is home, that is $500+ we won't be sending to her mom each month just so she can go party with it)
6. I am grateful that I have a vehicle that runs good and will be dependable this winter! Lord knows, I spent too many winters driving a beater!

My roots are showing!!! M&M E-Votional Week 7

Yeah, that's right. I highlight my hair. It started years ago as a few subtle highlights to give my mousy, brown hair a boost. Years later, the blonde has taken over. I have to have regular appointments to keep the roots covered. Since I postponed my last one, my roots are quite visible!

While you are thinking that this is a vain complaint, there is a spiritual side. Me and a good friend of mine try to make a spiritual twist on everything. It's quite fun and challenging. I recommend trying it! Back to the roots: As believers, we each have spiritual roots, and these roots feed us spiritually. If our spiritual roots are planted deep in God, you may not see them, but our lives will show the fruit through our fruits of the Spirit. The opposite is also true. If our roots are showing, our lives will be drab, dingy and lifeless....just like my hair when it is desperate need for a touch-up! Although my hairdresser is very talented at bringing my hair back to life, her work is only temporary, and I have to return on a regular basis to maintain the desired look. The same can be said for maintaining deep roots in Christ!

The power of Christ in our lives can only be maintained by regularly fellowship and prayer with Him. Too often we allow the demands of work, family and even ministry to interfere with our appointments with God. It is when we miss our appointments with him, or "postpone" our time with him, that our weakened roots begin to show.

If we want to be strong witnesses for Him, we must maintain our roots. We must spend time with our "root specialist", Jesus Christ, on a regular and consistent basis.

Verses to Read: Galations 5:22; Hosea 14:5; Psalms 19:14

The end is near...not to be dramatic or anything :)

Well, I went to bed after they announced Ohio. How about you? Truth be told, and this isn't hindsight speaking, I was just afraid to admit it out loud. I've been feeling for the last few days as I pumped up McCain that Obama was going to win, and I believe it is something God has allowed in preparation for the rapture. It is where we are in society. It is not he that is evil, it is what he and his party want to legalize. As a fellow "Christian" so he claims, I just don't understand how he can sleep at night supporting it. When given the power to stop it, how can you say, "Well, I can't morally stop people from doing what they want to do." Why not? Isn't that part of leadership, stopping what is wrong and leading people to right decisions?

Our new President elect has two young girls. How will he protect them? He has at least four years to shape the world, or at least nation, that they will grow up in. What will he do for their education? What will he do for their morals? If one should grow up and want to marry their girlfriend, will he happily walk her down the aisle? How will he teach them our Christian faith and beliefs that he claims he shares? Will they ask him, "But, Daddy, if the Bible says homosexuality is wrong, how come you told America it's ok?" Or, "Daddy, if the Bible says we should choose life, why do you let those women kill their unborn babies?" My thoughts are, how much is all this legalizing of things I don't condone gonna cost me?

I am actually excited for this time in history. Truth be told, I know where I'm going when my life is over, and I know that God will see me through every battle along the way. I think it is great we have come to a point where an African-American can say, " I CAN become President!" I think it will do great things for the young people as far as believing in themselves that if they work hard, they can achieve their goals, however wild those goals may seem. But, I am disappointed about where we are. It isn't about the race, gender, person. It's about the beliefs and the demoralization of America. Look back 100 years in history. 1908. Religion, mostly Catholism, was a norm. Most everyone professed a belief in God. Many sins of now that are so norm where not heard of or spoken of. As time has gone on we've removed prayer from schools, divorces are now "ok", homosexuality is acceptable and abortions are legal. Where will we be in 100 years from now? Well, I know where I'll be. But where will we be in 10 years, or 4 years? Sodom and Gommora is coming back with a vengence and satan couldn't be more proud. Of course, the Bible does say their will be widespread revival before he returns so we can hope that Obama will get radically saved while in office.

To go back to one of my favorite quotes by the lovely Aunt May (Peter Parker's aunt) "With great power comes great responsibility." Will Obama take responsibility for the lives he's about the change, both the good and the bad?

If anything in my blog has offended you, then, well....this is my blog. My opinions. I voted by my convictions. When a woman has her 5th abortion I can say I tried to stop her. When your third grader comes home from school letting you know that they read in class about a man who married his life partner and that man is his teacher, I can say I tried to uphold what the Bible commands of us. How can we teach our kids right from wrong when the world condones what is wrong?

EDIT: I just needed to add that someone sent me a random forward, one of those ones that tells you the shortest chapter of the Bible, the longest, the fact the Psalm 118 is the middle, etc. So the closing verse was Psalm 118:8. How appropriate for today :) Look it up.

EDIT EDIT: Sorry to make this longer, but you MUST read Kelly's blog. You can access it on the right of my page where I have Angela, Missy and Kelly listed.

Tomorrow....

Tomorrow is a history- making day! Don't forget to go vote! I'll babysit your kid if you need me to, but most polling centers don't mind if you drag your rugrats along. I'll be taking an early lunch so I can go cast my vote. It's our right, and dang it, it's one of our rights that the government is not trying to take away!

Random thoughts that may not make sense....

Halloween is upon us and since the church is not having the usual Trunk to Trunk, many have asked, "What do we do now?" Sammy is two, and playing dress up is fun, so I did buy a costume. I'm not huge into Halloween, but prior to having Sammy, I enjoyed passing out candy and seeing the fun costumes. I don't get into the scary, although I know it's part. To me, Halloween has always been one of those "American traditions" where a sense of community actually exists. I never put thought to the pagan roots because, really, how many other "American traditions" have pagan roots? Easter baskets are fun and I put Biblical themes into them, but the root is actually pagan. The Christmas tree is pagan, but I can't imagine not putting one up. The other bonus of Halloween= free candy, DUH! And, with Sammy being so young, and never having had Alexis for Halloween, I guess we just haven't talked much about what we want to share with our kids about Halloween. All I need is for my brilliant kid to say, "Well, if we can't celebrate Halloween, why do you put a Christmas tree up? It's all just good fun, right?" Grrr...
I don't decorate for Halloween, but I do love the look of pumpkins. We don't carve them, mainly pure laziness. I decorate for fall, and have a friendly scarecrow on my door. It was a dollar at Dollar Tree. I don't see the big deal in trick or treating, except we don't go because Sammy is so young and frankly, it's usually cold and rainy. This year though it's supposed to be nice.
Yes, participating in church-sponsored "Harvest parties" is technically celebrating. Providing an alternative may give the impression that there is reason to celebrate Halloween. But, Alexis at 10, doesn't even know there are pagan roots. She doesn't know what pagan means. To her, it's one big dress-up party. Do I tell her and put thoughts in her mind, or let it go because her mom is ALWAYS going to celebrate it?
We don't do witches, goblins or ghosts. We don't go to Haunted Houses, although I will admit, I think they are fun. But, because of convictions, I can't support it. My kids will not participate in psychic readings, Ouija board games, or cultish rituals. We don't watch horror movies, because really, why put that in your head? Beetlejuice was stupid and funny. Alexis's loves Witches of Waverly Place on Disney and it's doesn't seem evil. hmmm.....
Why do stores get so into Halloween and decorating, but when it comes to Christmas, many are being careful not to "offend" so they just say Happy Holidays? If I tell them I'm a Christian and offended when they tell me Happy Halloween, do you think they will stop? Will they take down the decorations if I threaten to stop shopping at their store?
And off the Halloween topic, I read an interesting email about a pastor who gave Sarah Palin a word about being a modern day Esther. Dang it, I knew I should have blogged about that a while back. Marty and I had a good conversation after she was announced about how God raised up women when men were failing. So knowing God raised up Palin, anyone STILL voting against a move of GOD and for Obama? Why would you vote against a known Christian who is God-fearing and bold about it? Nothing personal, Obama. But I truly, deeply feel that God appointed Sarah Palin for a time like this.
And by the way, I think we are going to the Heritage Park safe Halloween thing a ma jig. 5pm tp 7pm tomorrow night. Kennedy High School is doing a trunk to trunk tonight from 6pm to 8pm but it is secular so there will likely be scary trunks. Marty is taking Sammy anyway for some free candy.

My thoughts on the election....

I'm not one who is afraid to talk politics or share who I'm voting for. I'm not ashamed by it at all. But, I avoided for a while blogging about it because it is what it is, and I'm not afraid if Obama gets it. God will take care me. Yes, it is a scary thought, but it will confirm that the end times are opon us!
What I am just annoyed and sick about are 1) Christians who aren't going to vote because they can't morally vote for Obama, and they don't "like" McCain. 2) Christians who feel they can morally vote for Obama because "there are more issues than abortion that need to be handled."
Well, I vote by principle and by the way that Lord has instructed us. He told us to choose life. He instructed us that marriage is for one man and one woman. He told us to go forth and preach the gospel. Democrats are wanting to impose more censorship on preacher's on tv and even in churches. They want to consider it "hate speech" to preach against homosexuality and abortion from the pulpit. Everyone knows what happen to the youth of our world when prayer was removed from schools, what will happen when public broadcasting of the gospel is eliminated, and our pastors can't preach truth from the pulpit?
How can you NOT vote and claim that morally you can't vote for Obama? Ok, well...sure you didn't vote for him, but hey, Pilate didn't "vote" to put Jesus on the cross, but he sat back and didn't stop it either when he had the chance.
The war and the economy concern me. I am concerned about what kind of world my children will be living in. But, I know that my God will supply all my needs. I know that I will one day go to Heaven and that everything on earth will pass away. I know that I do not want to worry about my right to free speech when I want to share the gospel. I know that I do not want homosexuality to become a "norm" and a choice in my children's future. Think about it. 50 years ago, man and woman married and stay married. Divorce was rare and when it happened it was shocking and shameful because the Bible was against it. Now, it is accepted, even among Christians because "it's a different time". The Bible hasn't changed though, it still is against divorce but hey, God forgives. So does that mean 10 years from now homosexuality and abortion will be accepted because it's a different time? Do you want your children raised in that kind of world? Christians who vote Obama because his view on the economy or health care need to remember, this life is temporary. God has promised to supply all our needs. But we have to be faithful to Him and what He has instructed us to do.

M&M E-votional 10/24/08

Romans 12:11 “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony….”
Like many people, my testimony has become such a part of me, the impact of it often does not even affect me. I think people will not really care to hear it or it is not that big of a deal. My life has completely revolved around God and all things Pentecostal. I have always gone to church, went to a private school for much of my schooling, was very involved in youth group and leadership for as long as I can remember, went on missions trips and my main circle of friends-though it has changed many times-have always been Christians.
When I went to Bolivia in January 2004, the testimony of my healing was dramatically changed. First, for those who do not know, when I was three I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. When they found it, it was in 98% of my blood cells. The doctors told my mom there was nothing they could do and that she should take me home. I would be dead in a week, so she should enjoy her last few days with me. My mom was shocked. At 32 years old, her husband (my dad) had left a few months prior and moved to Texas with another woman. My brother was seven, and having difficulty dealing with the loss of his dad. He had also recently been diagnosed with severe ADHD. And now to add to all of it, my mom was being told her daughter was going to die and that there was nothing that could be done.
Well, my mom insisted on treatment. She immediately called all her “prayer warriors” and the church. Word spread and people all over were praying for my healing. One night, the Lord gave my mom the scripture John 11:4, “….for this is not a sickness unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified.” Long story short, it’s no surprise, I was miraculously healed! Within a year, the cancer was completely gone. I have never relapsed. I have been cancer free for 25 years!
Fast forward to my trip to Bolivia. All the team members were told we would be sharing our testimonies. I felt like mine was so lame compared to some of the others who had been through drugs, horrible childhoods, abuse, etc, but I shared the testimony of my healing anyway. What was I going to do, make something dramatic up? NO! Afterwards, Pastor Galvano, an evangelist on the trip with us, said he wanted to speak to me. He told me that when I was sick, Satan had me in his grip. I was supposed to die. Let that sink in. I was meant for death. Cancer had taken over 98% of my blood cells. How does a three year old survive that? Only by the grace and mercy of God! Pastor Galvano said that when my mom pleaded and cried out to Him, He heard her cry and had mercy on her. I was saved because of my mother’s prayers. She could have succumbed to the diagnosed, accepted it and planned for my death. But, she refused to sit back and watch me die.
There are so many “mini-testimonies” within my testimony and I am open to talk about it but if I kept going now, this devotional will turn into a book!
What are you believing for? Are you accepting the “diagnosis” or are you standing on the promise of God that He will give us grace and mercy?
Scriptures to read: Romans 10:17, Romans 8:11, Isaiah 40:31, Jeremiah 30:17, Jeremiah 33:6, Matthew 18:19, John 10:10

And on life goes...

Eagle's Wings was AMAZING. As you can see by my last blog, I did not receive the HUGE word I was praying for. Silly me for having a list. I never do that, thought I would this time and I'm pretty sure the Lord laughed at me as he blew my expectations! I imagine Him sitting on His throne with this robust laughter saying, "Silly child, those things I've already taken care of. Let me show you how to just be free..." And He did. See last post for details.

The big word I wanted was to not have to work full-time anymore. I have anxiety in the morning and I feel like I'm really going to have a heart attack. I miss being with Sammy. At first I was fine. It's not like he'll remember all this, right? But I will. These are years I'll never get back. And the stress of finding sitters everytime Alexis comes to town. And then there is the reality that soon she will be coming here and neither one of us want me working full-time once she does. And the reality is she could come at anytime with or without warning. No, we aren't battling in court, but God works in mysterious ways! All the errands, appointments, projects, etc that must be done and have to be crammed in after work. I can't handle all the pressure and I truly feel I need to be home more! I have just been waiting on Marty. He's the one who says no way, can't afford it.

But, guess what? The other day Marty said to me, "You know what, Sarah? Go ahead." I was like, "Go ahead, what?" It was just so random! "I was thinking, I think it would be better if you were home more. Let's take this leap of faith. Just quit." We weren't even talking about it! I was washing dishes, he was watching tv. I was shocked. Then overwhelmed with the idea. This is it! I finally can do what I really feel I need to do!

No, people. I'm not quitting anytime soon. But, I have the release. I still need to wait on God for timing. Certain things need to fall into place and I love the two people I work so closely with. I would never leave them hanging. BUT, the time is coming. It has been confirmed that I will not be withering away behind a desk! (so, I'm not really withering away...CLEARLY. I need to go back to the Y to do that!) Oh, and don't go calling my work trying to get my job because I haven't said anything yet! It may be weeks, it may be months! Maybe a year? Who knows but God.

Expecting the Unexpected: He is more than Enough

This weekend was a great weekend for me. I went to the On Eagle’s Wings retreat with several other women from our church. I went with high expectations, asking God for a specific word. I wrote out my list, committed it to prayer everyday for over a month and knew I would receive my word. At Friday night’s service, one of the leader’s, “If you came expecting something specific, you can throw that out the window.” I was shocked! But, then I gave it to God. I simply prayed, “God have YOUR way, not mine.”
I did not receive my specific word. Many of my friends received words and confirmations of words and I thought, “Hey! What about my word? Where is mine?” I tried not to dwell on it, and just kept praying my simple prayer. We sang a song, “More Than Enough” (Gary Oliver) and the words spoke to me. Our God IS more than enough. We don’t have to keep “reminding” Him of our wants and needs. He knows. There is nothing wrong with expecting to receive, but why limit God with specific requests?
My unexpected blessing came during worship. I was able to worship Him freely with no inhibitions: no 2-year old clinging to me, no obligations to minister to someone else; I was there to receive and just BE with God. It was a weekend of refreshing, relaxing and building relationships with wonderful, Christian women. During worship, I continually praised Him, thanked Him and honored Him. That’s what He wants, and so many of us get caught up in the asking to receive, we forget to give Him the praise and glory He deserves! If He does not answer our specific wants, isn’t He still more than enough to do all that we ask, seek or imagine?
I received so much more this weekend by saying, “Your way, not mine.” I saw friends filled with the Holy Spirit, friendships made stronger, callings come to life, brokenness healed, sickness defeated, and new visions. He spoke to me about just being still. We don’t always have to be so busy! I was able to rest in Him, something I’ve always heard but not really understood.
Slow down. Are you expecting specifics? Have you truly given them to God, and are you being thankful for what He is doing and going to do in your life? Be in the word. Study it and commit it to memory. Then be free in worship. Worship is His time so don’t use that time to keep reminding Him of your specifics. He already knows them! Use that time to just be with Him and open your heart to receive what He wants to do for you.

Verses to read: Psalms 27:3,4; Psalms 46:10; Nehemiah 9:5

I'm still alive....

Just thought I'd check in with the blogging world and say I have survived my weekend! I don't have time to blog much right now, but later I'll be posting the devotional I'm working on for M&M.
The retreat was as expected, fantastic. It was more than anything a wonderful time of relaxing, refreshing and bonding with my girlfriends! There was also some much needed goofing off...who says that you can't belly flop onto your bed at 28 years old (and older?). Good to be a kid again, sometimes! The ranch was so beautiful and gave me a renewed appreciation of Michigan in the fall. Maybe I'll post some pics later, but I can't make any promises! We had so much fun taking goofy pics throughout the ranch, although Amy was missing! I did think of Kelly much of the pic taking time-we had some great photo opps...you must come next year!
It took leaving the retreat and reflecting on the weekend to realize how much I came away with! Although I did not receive a HUGE WORD on my future and working, there was a lot I did receive and it was great to see my friends filled, healed, and dance in the spirit!
When can we do this again?


And Angela...watch the dang video! Remember, you said you were glue!

Seriously, this is long but REALLY good

Ok, I will post it later, but for now, here is a link you can click on. It is about 8 minutes, but WELL worth it. TRUST ME!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Gone Baby Gone

I know it has been awhile since I blogged. I've been busy with not much to say. Now I have news to report. Sammy is gone! I'm so sad....actually, I'm ok right now, but probably by tonight or tomorrow I'll be freaking out a little! The in-laws came and got him yesterday.....we hung out for a little so he could have fun playing with them and be comfortable, then they left around 4. I won't see him again until SUNDAY! Marty is going Friday while I'm gone to the retreat, then they'll get me from the retreat on Sunday since it's 1/2 hour from my in-laws.

The ever-so-popular question is, "What are you going to do with all your time?" Here is my list of things I'd like to get done:
Visit Missy and baby
Finish "winterizing" what's left of my front flowery area
Go shopping - I need some new clothes BAD
Get my eyebrows waxed
deep clean the house, including basement, walls, cupboards, kid's bedrooms. Throw out junk.
Workout 1 hour every day
go for a bike ride at least two of the days
clean and reorganize my bedroom- it's atrocious
vacuum entire house and mop- I really don't do this often, so that is why it's on the list
scrapbook Sammy's first year. I don't even have a photo album for him!
Paint the kitchen
get Alexis's room ready for her to come on Oct. 11th (her room is our storage room when she is not here!)
work 10 hours a day (Mon- Thurs) so I don't have to use vacation time on Friday.
Pulse on Wednesday
Tennis on Thursday

AND, what I will realistically get done:
Visit Missy and baby
eyebrows waxed
clothes shopping (PRIORITY!)
work 4 10's
Pulse on Wednesday
Tennis on Thursday

I know what you're thinking....Tennis?! Yes, my mom really wants to learn to play and has chosen me to go on this mission with her. We took a 4-week trial class, now we've signed up for 8 weeks, hour and a 1/2 class. That's a whole nother blog though!

Yahooey

10 days until retreat! Seriously, I bet some of you read this and are like, "SHEESH. Enough already about the retreat!" But, really, I'm stoked. I've been preparing and reading and praying and I know the Lord has something HUGE for the retreat. Yes, God can move anywhere. Most of you probably don't know but the first time I was baptized in the Holy Spirit was in my bedroom all alone at 16! BUT, there is something about round the clock being with the Lord.

Top 10 Reasons I'm ready to go to the retreat:

10. Mini vacation in a beautiful place.
9. Wonderful fall color= great photo opps.
8. Time to think, sit, pray and breathe without stopping to get apple juice or falling on a toy.
7. Being with some great friends.
6. Experiencing a new level in my walk.
5. Hearing from God about where He plans to take me next.
4. I'm going to receive a word from God about things on my prayer list.
3. My friends are going to experience God in a whole new way.
2. I will have more to write about on my blog when I get back.
1. I'm in need of 72 hours of me, God, Godly friends and the renewal that will come with.

Don't get me wrong, I will miss Sammy very VERY much, but this weekend will be great for both me and him because Momma's coming back with a new focus and renewed self!

"They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Shout out to Christi Stewart for the beautiful picture! I can't wait for retreat. Have I said that at least a dozen times already? Maybe because I am expecting something amazing. Or I'm tired and I need a rest. Or I need to get away with the girls and have a good time. Or, all of the above.

Friends

I was thinking today about my friends....how they've changed at different times in my life and how God has opened and shut so many doors. Friends I thought for sure I'd have for life have drifted out or been forced out. Some of my closest friends are ones I never thought I'd be so close to or stay in touch with. So as I'm sitting at my computer pondering the reasons certain people have come into my life or remained for so long, I decided to look up quotes on friendship, because I love quotes and I love my friends :) Especially those ones that let me completely unload, maybe more than they really wish they knew and then they still love me and somehow, it deepens our friendship!

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." - Bible: Ecclesiastes

"A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself."

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." (yeah, I know...cheesy)

"A friend is one who walks in when others walk out" -Walter Winchell

"The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart." -Elizabeth Foley

Can wait to go on retreat with my FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll miss my friends that are not coming:)

My Son, Sam the Ham

Children sure know how to make you want to kick yourself. I can admit, I have not had much patience with my child lately. I have had a lot on my mind and been under a lot of stress, and unfortunately that leaves me with little energy or patience for Sammy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Sammy. I wouldn't trade him for anything! He is so sweet and smart and loving. He's also very energetic ALL the time and happens to be going through this clingy, whiny phase. All he wants is his Mommy. Hey, what can I say? The kid loves me! It also makes me feel incredibly guilty that when I lose my cool or get annoyed when he head butts me in the chin for 1,000th time or digs his feet into my ribcage when climbing up me to get to the dog on the back of the couch that he still loves me and wants me. If I yell at him, he is devasted and needs me to hold him. Not Marty, not Grandma, but Momma, the one that just yelled at him. He loves both of them very much, of course, but when he senses I'm irritated, he wants to be closer! It's like rubbing salt in the wound!

So my little Sammy with the big blue eyes that are hypnotizing would not sleep last night. He kept waking up and calling, "Momma, Momma, Momma!" So I eventually succumbed to crawling into his tiny firetruck bed and laying with him a while. He wraps his tiny arms around my neck and dozed right off, snoring away while I just watched him sleep. Not to get sappy, but there is something about watching your kids sleep. He looked so at peace! Peace ended when this morning after I was all ready for work I had to wake him up. The Grouch was alive! Anyway, so the cutest thing- Sammy found Motorcycle Ken and Barbie in Alexis's room yesterday and decided to sleep with them. Then just when we were heading out the door to daycare this morning, he stopped and ran to his room to get them. He came back proudly holding up the dolls and with the biggest, cheesiest smile (first smile of the morning is the best:) he held up Ken and said, "Daaaaddddyyyy!" and then held of Barbie and yelled, "MOOOOMMMMMMMMMMAAAA!!!!" Then giggled and hugged them both, squeezing hard enough to almost pop a neck off. Then he gave each of them a kiss and took them to daycare with him, smiling as he showed them off to Mary and the other kids that were there. It was so cute, I couldn't make him leave them at home!
Anyway, I just had to share all that. I've been thinking about it all day!

Let's spiritualize, as Ang and I love to do: I can imagine God in Heaven picking us up like that, so proud with a big grin, squeezing us in his arms and loving on us like we can do no wrong! Although, clearly we can :)

My verse of the day

Every morning I go on Bible Gateway or read a devotional and I read multiple verses until one just strikes me as significant in the moment I am in. When I find it, I know it's "the one"; my verse for the day. I might write it on a post it and attempt to commit it to memory. By the way, memorizing scriptures is so key to growing in God. Being able to recall a verse in an instant to help someone or even help yourself really confirms your commitment. So my verses of the day are 1 Peter 1:6-9. I found it on Bible Gateway and I have to post The Message Bible version, because that Bible cracks me up with its translations. I highly encourage everyone to go on Biblegateway.com and search out some of your favorite verses and see the translation from the Message Bible.
1 Peter 1:6-9
6-7 -I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it's your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.
8-9- You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.
And for those totally confused because you are so used to NKJV:
6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, 8 whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.
I'm not going to blog what this verse means to me or any of that. You take from it what it means to you. We all go through different things at different times and come out a different person. I try to learn something from everything that happens in my life. I want to grow and be molded into what God wants for me. Though no one's life has more promise than someone else's, I know that the greater the calling means often the greater the testing so that your Faith will withstand any trial, struggle or issue that may come your way. He cannot use you as a leader if you cannot lead by example, you can't be a great parent and raise great kids without knowing how to discipline with love- like he disciplines us.
I often use the quote "That which doesn't kill you will make you stronger"...but only if you let it. You can succomb and wallow in your emotions, or you can have Faith and trust in God to get you through the situation and become what HE wants you to be. A leader, a servant, a parent, a mentor, a loving spouse, a strong caregiver, a trusting friend, an example of Him to the unsaved.

My Savior My God

First, I am not copying Angela. I have been working on a few different blogs and decided on this topic this morning. But, first decided to read Angela's. Wow, we have way too much in common! But, I'm blogging about my topic anyway!

I'm obsessed with music. Worship music. I love lyrics. I won't listen to a song with poor lyrics, even if the melody or beat is great. You know how you have certain songs for certain things you're dealing with, or you hear a song and it really hits you where you're at and you have to listen to it over and over? That is me and my new song of the moment is "My Savior, My God" by Aaron Shust. It is so good! Maybe I think too deep, but I know a few who will appreciate my brain. The song starts out:
"I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior"
How many times do we try to figure out why God let something happen? Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things to good people? We can't figured it out. We are not skilled to understand! All we can do is trust in God, our Savior, who has redeemed us. Through him we can get through the trials because we have Faith, but we cannot even begin to understand the why's. This opening statement also reminds me of the verse, 1 Corinthians 2:9 "...No eye has seen, nor ear has heard, no mind can conceive what God has prepared for those who love Him..." I am HUGE on education. I don't think one should ever stop learning. I'm an advocate of lifelong education, taking classes, teaching others what you've learn. I am constantly googling for more understanding on various issues, words, people, etc (Sarah Palin being my current interest!). No matter how much you try to understand though, you will not being able to comprehend what God has in store for you. I keep repeating that line, "I am not skilled to understand..." just let it sink in! I guess I know who of my faithful few will really let that hit them...Go ahead, Angela. I'm waiting for your interpretation! Leave it as a comment, so others can read it too!
Because I must stop blogging and get to work, I will post the rest of the lyrics below for you to read, and let sink in.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)

My Bible studying is all over the map (sort of like my brain). I start a book, then end up skipping around the Bible from Old to New to deepen my understanding. At 28 and having gone to church my entire life (hence the name of my blog: Born in a Pew!) and I'm still fascinated by some of my findings. I also am slightly ashamed or embarrassed that I don't know more about scripture. I can't recite amazing scriptures like many others.
Every morning I try to arrive to work early enough to get on Bible Gateway and browse around for something satisfying. Since a passion of mine is knowledge and education I thought that would be a good topic for today. I found this verse and felt it may have some relevance to some of my readers....I'm sorry, I mean both of my readers :)
Proverbs 2:3-5
Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the LORD, And find the knowledge of God.
Sometimes I am disappointed in fellow "lifers" (those who have gone to church basically their whole life) who don't have passion. Those who just come to church, sing, listen, go home. Some are Sunday morning only. Some may be involved in some way at church, it's basically a habit and expectation rather than desire. They don't even realize the impact the could have if they gave it their all. As Christians, we have the responsibility to serve others. As lifers, you dang well know better and should realize that you were preserved for HIS purpose. Sure, you may have had a rebelious streak or doubts at some point but God has brought you to this place at this time for HIS purpose. New Christians motivate me. They are passionate, they get involved in every area they can, they go to retreats with excitement and hunger, they participate in Bible studies. They just can't get enough! They make me feel convicted for not having the same passion at times.

I am absolutely geeked about the retreat. I've always been a camp/retreat/conventions type of person. I know they are unique, and help you to break out of the norm. I just wish some of my fellow Christian friends had the same desire to get deep with God and other women. It's time to grow up. I'm not just talking the retreat. Many may not really be able to go: work, infants, prior commitments all have a way of getting in the way. Finances, too- Lord knows I've experienced more than my fair share of that problem. Don't let finances stop you. ALWAYS express your desire to go to a leader and pray about it. God will make a way. M&M is starting up again. What a great way to share your life testimony and pour into to someone OR even better have someone who has gone before you pour into you? And for those who just want to dig deep, our Bible study is starting up again soon. We are living in the last of the last days. Don't let your purpose pass you by because you didn't want to step out of your comfort zone of home.

Positively Random

I'm even more pumped than ever about the retreat. I'm believing in answers to my questions about my gifts and calling...answers that may scare me, and at the same time be quite exciting! So in honor of the Eagle's Wings retreat that I am so excited for:

Isaiah 40:31 - Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Randomness #2- Buddy ol' pal Amy is back from her fabo vaca. Immediately upon her return, Momma Amy had to experience what I hear is a fantabulous time of year. Back to school! New clothes, school supplies, new high school drama. Love it. I can't wait to catch up and here all the funny stories I'm sure she has to share from her trip. She really should blog rather than just ghost read ours :) We need coffee night. By the way, I never did treat you to coffee for hooking me up with my job! Course, I may need some time before we get together. There are things I can't share and you know how it is when we get together. You always get it out without even meaning to!

Randomness #3- I decided to join the pot on Missy's baby due date. I'm shooting for September 25th. Hold out for me Missy and I'll split the pot with ya! lol....Seriously, Missy is so bummed she can't come to the retreat, like freaking out bummed. Don't worry dear, we'll miss you. Besides your baby is going to be like a week old and he needs full, undivided attention from mommy at that age. Next time, do a little better with the baby planning ;) j/k

Randomness #4- Going to Pulse 8 tonight. Not sure how I'm feeling about it, but James and Janet are great friends of ours and ask Marty and I to be leaders. Marty really wants to and I'm pretty sure I know why I'm hesitant, and frankly, it's a lame excuse so we'll give it a whirl.

Randomness #5- I wore my "little black number" (ANGELA) to work and I can totally feel my baby belly roll resting on my legs. Ok, maybe that was too much.

Unforgiveness

I don't know about you guys, but Sunday's message on forgiveness really hit me. I've grown up a Christian, so I have heard pretty much every message preached in a variety of ways. Sometimes, my mind wanders away from the preacher and on to my list of tasks because 1) I'm pretty sure that I know what scriptures the preacher is going to use to support his message, 2) I can summarize his message before he finishes, or 3) I just don't want to here it again. I know, that's so rude!
But, Sunday for some reason struck a chord. It caused me to think about my actions and the actions of others that I have not forgiven. Actions I just didn't want to think about. I'm one who is always, "I'm fine, just fine." "Nothing bothers me. I'm too strong to let it get to me." "I'm over it." "We're all human, I don't expect perfection.""Whatever, I'm not going to let someone hurt me." But then I shut out my real feelings. I don't forgive the person. I ignore it completely. I lose trust and see no need in trusting. Then bitterness sets in. And depression. And anxiety. Most the time you don't even realize that those are the physical effects of unforgiveness.
You know what we do by harboring unforgiveness? We try to take the control from God and take it in our own hands. We are saying we don't trust God to handle it. I used to think if I forgave easily, that it was letting that person off the hook. They would be easily forgiven, happy to go on their way. I would be the one left with the hurt. But, if you chose to forgive, you are helping yourself more than you are helping them. You are trusting God to take the hurt away, making room for Him to move and BLESS you. And He will bless you greatly for "doing the right thing." Doesn't mean that person isn't wrong, it doesn't mean they won't pay for their sin. You are just releasing control of the situation so that God can move in that person's life. I used to think that forgiving was like saying, "It's ok." Or in other words, "no big deal. It's ok you stabbed me in the back and was a filthy liar." But forgiving THEM is not taking away their sin. God has to do that, they have to repent for themselves. And really, think about it. Yes, they greatly hurt you. Clearly, they need Jesus. Deep down, more than anything, rather than punishing them wouldn't you rather them receive Jesus and all He has to offer? All I have to say is, you reap what you sow. Sow mercy, reap mercy, sow judgement, reap judgement, sow bitterness, reap bitterness.
I have to forgive two people. One person I don't even know and I struggled with forgiving them. How, if I can't talk to them, see them, don't know anything about them? But, I can forgive them in my heart, pray for them (Luke 6:27,28) and let God do the rest.

Well, I started the week with a blog, so I might as well end the week with a blog. I've had an interesting week to say the least. I've really been seeking God on the retreat coming up and know God is going to move in a mighty way. If you aren't planning on going, you better change your mind. If you are planning on going, get ready to receive from Him in ways you never imagined. I have a vision for my future and I'm believing that will be confirmed and new steps revealed. What are you believing to receive that weekend? My suggestion: begin praying NOW for what you want to receive from God. Don't just let the next 5 weeks float by and wait until you get there. What questions do you have for God? Where do you want to be right now in your life? I don't mean a beach in Cancun- Amy is already there! And I'm sure she is connecting with God while there and praying about the retreat and us women. But, spiritually, where do you want to be?
These are questions I've been asking myself pretty much all month. I want my life to dramatically change! I want to be home more, I want my vision for ministry to come to pass now! I've never seen myself as a full-time employee of the world. I mean NEVER. When I was 14 at church camp I KNEW my life would be in ministry. At 28, I don't understand why I am where I am. But God does, and that's all that matters. There are two verses that I think of daily, and have for the last 10 years, no joke. They just pop in my mind at random times:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I think of my life and all the disappointments, stupid decisions, the hurts I've endured, the anger, and again-the stupid decisions! I think how can I have hope and a future after all of this?! Where was God? The anwer is simple- He was there. He always is. He didn't tell me to go to the parties or hang out with that person. He begged me not to. But I ignored Him. I have free will, so he let me go. But He was with me the whole time, protecting me and keeping me safe. Through dumb choices He was right there because His plan was for me to have hope and a future. When I was hurt and my heart was broken- He was there, holding me, picking up the pieces. Comforting me when I was sure I'd never get past the pain and disappointment. He's always right there. You just have to talk to Him and you have to want the help and healing.
28"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose."
I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I've done stupid things that have affected my life. But God takes that bad and turns it for good. I am the type of person that takes EVERY experience and tries to see a lesson learned in it. I think of those times people have let me down and how I would think, "How will I ever forgive them, or get past this?" That answer is also simple. You turn to God because that which the enemy has done for evil, He will make good.

So this blog is really more personal. Not many will "get" it. But maybe someone is thinking like me, feeling like me, ready for the next level. Ready for life to really begin. I don't have my quirky jokes that most people don't find funny anyway! And maybe this is a little to serious for the casual reader. But I wanted to share and get it off my chest and quite possibly, it has touched someone where they are at. That is my hope :)
OH- and three very important songs in my life (I don't have a way to add them on here or I would):
What a Wonderful Maker - I prefer the Jeremy Camp version
Call on Jesus- Nicole C. Mullen
I Am- Mark Shultz (this is a recent addition to my special songs list)

Longest blog so far....

Marty often says if I were a stay at home mom, I wouldn't be able to handle Sammy. I get really irritated because I feel like the reason I do stress out with Sammy is because I'm not home with him so I don't have the patience I should have. Well, last night was NOT my night to prove Marty wrong. Sammy is in this phase where he wants to get up 15 times in an hour when we're trying to get him to go to bed. I started late, at 8:30 last night. He had fallen asleep around 6 in the car after a hard day of play with Gerry, Christian and Tiara. I let him sleep for about 30 minutes, knowing it would push bedtime back.
First- let me talk about him playing with "the boys". It was hilarious! They were chasing each other around up and down the stairs, in Christian's room, in Missy's room, in the kitchen, back up the stairs. Then they found JOY (not Ford, but the emotion) in jumping up and down on Missy and Jay's big bed, while watching Word World, of course. I go upstairs to get Sammy so we can go, and he doesn't want to leave. Jason and Bob tell me that him, Gerry and Christian have been hugging and giggling for like 15 minutes and having a blast. When Sammy saw me coming he giggled, looked at Christian, and then the two of them hurried and climbed under the covers and then popped their heads out and pretended to be napping, sharing a pillow....of course with big cheesy grins on their faces! It was probably one of those had to be there things, but I promise, just visualize it. It was so cute! I of course, did not have my camera handy, darn it!
SOOOOO, back to last night. I'm laying on the couch, too exhausted to go to bed, stressed because my child keeps getting up. This is how it when for an hour: Sammy gets in bed, we say prayers, I tell him he has to stay in bed, he tells me I'm going potty, I agree, he says night night, I say good night, I walk out, shut door and cross fingers. I sit on couch, hear pitter patter of little feet, hear door open, hear door shut, more pitter patter, then "HI MOMMY!" and he walks over to his toys and begins to play. I get up, pick him up, he throws fit, I don't care, I put him in bed, and the above begins again. So by 10pm, I'm WIPED OUT. I'm talking to Marty about Christmas gifts for Alexis since she is our expensive child. Sammy comes in the room for what seems like the 1500th time and decides to be "cute" by wanting to cuddle with Mommy. He climbs up, gets hyper and bashes my mouth with his head. I KNOW it was not intentional but GOOD HEAVENS it hurt like nothing else. I seriously thought my teeth went through my lower lip. I pushed him off me, got up, yelled something about how I can't handle this child and I don't want anymore EVER and went off to the bathroom to spit. Let me tell you, I LOVE my child dearly and I was so mad at myself for getting so upset! I feel like I have less patience because I'm not with him during the day. His "routine" and behavior is really set by the sitter, who watches 10 other kids and as great as she is, she can't see everything they do wrong so they can't be as disciplined as I would have him if I were home. So of course feeling this way, only makes me feel worse, like I'm a terrible mom who doesn't deserve children. Then I think of the idiots out there who are reproducing and shouldn't, like my brother's ex who is having #2, can't afford #1, is a terrible mother, can't hold a job, is disgusting and rude, but will likely keep popping them out as long as God keeps her fertile. That's a whole nother blog though, one that I won't write because I'm not sure it would be Christ-like.
Ok, so the moral of this blog is: we all get over-stressed and contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. :) Today I will make a New Year's Resolution (in August) to try not to overthink everything and be more patient with my child. I may hate working and being away from him, but it's not his fault and I need to accept that it is my calling for now.

You Are Chai Tea

There are many subtle sides to your personality. You are difficult to decode. You are a complex and deep individual. You have many nuanced beliefs, and your mood frequently changes. You are a creative and expressive person. You draw your inspiration from the whole world. You enjoy exotic food, music, and travel. Your tastes are very international.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

Jimeny Crickets

I truly believe crickets are of the devil. The Lord may have created them, but when he cast Lucifer out, I believe the crickets went with him. There is NO way Noah's wife would allow crickets on the ark. I just can't believe it to be true.

I hate crickets. Loathe them. I for real have an unhealthy problem with crickets. When I hear one that I think may be too close for comfort, I freak. Seriously, like a panic attack. My heart starts beating too fast, it's hard to breathe, I get a nervous sweat and I become paralyzed, especially when I don't know where it is hiding. Once it appears jumping around in my sight, I either run for the hills screaming like a banchee, or I whip out my handy can of super strength outdoor Raid (yes, even inside) and I use 1/2 a can and spray it til it's dead. I am not joking, I know it's weird, and I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but ask Marty. I seriously need therapy about crickets!

So ever since the infestation of crickets that happened to my home in the summer of 2005, Marty has been pretty good at doing the perimeter spray. Everyday this summer, starting in May, I reminded him to do it, and he put it off and put it off. Then he just used this 6-week stuff that we happened to have. I told him and told him to go to Home Depot and get the super duty, extra strength Raid stuff, and he put it off and put it off. Low and behold my people, last night I heard a cricket in the basement. Thank GOD it was not upstairs. But just knowing a cricket is jumping around, having a blast in MY basement with MY stuff and MY clothes is just so irritating I could spit. Or scream. I'm not kidding, it's a little hard to breathe right now just thinking about needing to do laundry tonight. I honestly won't do it until I can be sure there are no alive crickets in my basement. Or dead ones for that matter. I can't even stand to see the lifeless shell of a cricket. I want to vomit now.

Am I ridiculous or what? It's a freaking CRICKET. A black, 2 inch insect. I'm not afraid of spiders. I mean I get a little creeped out, but I can kill a spider. Not a daddy long legs. Ew. They might wrap their legs around my shoe and eat through it or something. But crickets will crunch when you step on it, and ooze and goo...they also can jump like 6 feet and they rub their legs together just to annoy us and keep us awake. Darn them. DARN THEM.

My son the perfectionist

Sammy. Gotta love him. Sweet and caring, affectionate, smart. Love it. But, strong-willed and tempermental is he. Most mornings are extremely stressful for me, no matter what time we wake up. Let me tell you a typical morning, this morning for example: I woke up at 6am. My eyes were throbbing, begging for another 30 minutes. I dragged myself to the kitchen and made tea. Sammy was still sleeping. I drank my tea in 10 minutes, sitting on the couch in silence. No tv. No kid. No Marty. My brain was still asleep, and I couldn't even pray. I was zoning, for sure. Then with my last sip, "BLLLLAAAAAHHH"....feet pitter-pattering in the distance, door opens then shuts, more pitter-pattering and Sammy pops around the corner into the front room, "Uh, momma, mommy, want numanum." That is his new word for milk. Not sure where it came from. Probably daycare. So I get up and put his milk in a sippy that has a frog on it. No. Not good enough. He wanted the red one with the boat. He threw himself in the floor and cried and cried. Yep. I gave in. I put it in the red one with the boat. It really didn't matter. So we go get him dress. I pull out jean shorts. No, he wanted the khaki shorts. I continue to struggle to get the jean shorts on and he is screaming bloody murder over these khakis. They match his shirt, so fine. If my little "metro" man wants the khakis, it's not a big deal. We switch and he is happy. Shoes. The dreaded moment of getting dressed. He loves shoes. Today he insisted on his Spiderman slippers. I tell him no and insist on sandals. He runs to the front room and puts his slippers on the best he can, then hides behind the couch so I can't take them off him. By this time, I need in the shower and I'm sure I'm going to be late for work. So I give up, turn on Wiggles and let him wear his slippers. Thankfully, Mary, my sitter, understands Sammy's "needs" and doesn't mind when he is wearing slippers in August, or hauling in random toys, backpacks, Alexis's Barbie laptop. It's security I guess. She is also aware of his need to have everything just right. If it's not, watch out. Yep, I know what you're thinking, it's a little scary...Autism, Asberger's, Sensory Integration, ODD, OCD, it's all way overdiagnosed these days. I still chalk him up to being an everyday 2-year old that has some quirks. I'm sure it's just slight paranoia when my mind floats to those things, what mom doesn't get a little freaked from time to time when their kid picks up on something too quick or freaks out over dirt? He's my little happy guy, and he's smart and healthy, so that's all that matters!
We had a really fun week last week. Tuesday we went to see the Wiggles at the Palace with Ang and Liv. He was fascinated with all the lights, especially the light wands they sold for an overpriced $17. Pretty much all the kids had them and Sammy freaked out trying to get one from every kid he saw. I opted for the $17 tee shirt instead, since it would last longer. He'll be wearing it until he's 4 at least! As soon as I bought it, he was trying to take his shirt off to put that one on, screaming, "MINE MINE MINE. MY SHIRT MY SHIRT MY SHIRT!" as we walked away from the counter. Then Friday, I was talking to my mother-in-law and I thought, hmmm we should meet 1/2 way somewhere so they can see Sammy. So we went to Crossroads Village/Huckelberry Railroad on Saturday. Lucky us, Day Out with Thomas was going on! He had such a good time. Check out my myspace for pics:) What a great event, too....it's cheaper there then when it comes to Greenfield Village. I totally want to go again this weekend, but I'll resist. It was cool though. Do I hear a mommy event for next August?

I've been reading this book, Lost Women of the Bible. It's a very interesting take on some of the less familiar, less admired women of the Bible. I'm thoroughly enjoying the study guides at the end of each chapter, although I'm not even 1/2 way into the book. I don't have much time for reading! Anyway- so from reading this I'm becoming totally fascinated by the women of the Bible. Their stories play like well-made films in my mind. Films that probably Angela would want to go see at the Main Art Theatre. Yesterday I went with my mom to Family Christian and found that the $5 member special is Extraordinary Women of the Bible by Elizabeth George. Of course, I had to buy it. I wanted to buy a few and give them as gifts to all my friends, but instead I was buying Alexis a CD by a new band, and some other small clearance items for Christmas, and well, I'm on a budget! So I wanted to blog and tell everyone they should go get this book! For me, I'm digging the Lost Women because, hey, we've all been lost, are lost, or both! But I want to read all these books. I am a woman (which still sounds old to me), I want to know my heritage, where I've come from in my Christian life, the history, the women who have paved the way, the women who should be our role models...ok, not Jezebel, but we can learn from many of the "Bad Girls". Another book I will need to add to my collection.
SOOOO for those who love the FC $5 member specials, here they are: Extraordinary Women of the Bible; Every Man's Battle; Best of Selah Hymns; a few other CD's,;First of May (a family film, looks cute, bought that, too!); a 3-pack Bible dictionary, theasarus, something else that I can't remember; a stand-up comedy DVD; and some book I think called Living the Life You Want. I wanted to buy the whole dang store. I get that way everytime I go there.

MAMA MIA!!!!

My mom is so funny. She rarely goes to the movies anymore, but she went Friday with my Aunt to see Mama Mia. I was a little surprised because I didn't think that was her type of movie. It's a musical, and well, musicals turned into movies aren't always that great. All my mom could talk about on Saturday was this movie. She LOVED it. I figured it was because it had been so long since she went to the movies that she was a little over excited about finally getting out.

So last night my mom INSISTS we go see Mama Mia, and the neighbor, who has 5 kids under 8 and gets out less than I do, left the kids with her husband and came with us. Seriously, the movie was SO funny, if you like Abba music and giddy song and dance! I LOVED it. It really brought back my love for acting and I sort of daydreamed while watching the movie that I was in the movie, too :) Seriously, those people had to have had a blast filming. I secretly wished last night that I had stayed in Hollywood when I had a chance, but no, I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings who sucked it up at the auditions, so I threw my movie career out the window. I could have been a HUGE STAR....ok, more like I probably would have made a "career" out of being an extra. But whatever, it would have been so fun!

And for those who think the star looks really familiar, but can't quite place the face....blonde ditz from Mean Girls. "I think I have ESPN or something!" Yep.

ODE TO ANGELA

I was hoping this would be an exciting surprise for my dear friend. I have planned for a month to blog an ode to Angela, but she kind of beat me to the punch. Oh well. My top 26 things about Angela, in no real order:

26. She is suberbly hilarious
25. My Matron of Honor
24. 7 years of great memories
23. UNDERSTANDS
22. Partner in future ministry
21. Great mom
20. Very creative/intelligent/business savvy/skilled
19. A film buff like I
18. Great taste in music
17. Loves Starbucks and Frappucino's, like I
16. Awesome hair
15. The best sense of humor
14. So gullible- Yes, I road the Diamond Jack with James McEvoy!
13. Can know what I'm thinking without me saying a word
12. Emails, emails, emails
11. Laughs with me, even when we aren't saying words
10. Love that Liv....was there when she was born. Not literally in the room during, but minutes after!
9. Our kids love each other. Alexis calls Liv "her little sister".
8. Our husbands get along. They used to be roomates. The rest is history.
7. Up for anything, loves to try to new things.
6. Will walk up and pray with someone in the Applebee's parking lot because "Pastor Pat" would
5. Everyone loves an Italian Girl
4. Listens to me vent, and I do the same
3. Beautiful inside and out
2. Honest and blunt, yet careful with people's feelings.
1. in one word, FABULOUS

Motherhood: Some Thoughts

As I was getting ready for work today, I was thinking about motherhood. I thought about how being a mom has completely changing my thought process, goals, work, life...everything. I thought about how I want to be a stay at home mom, something I would have cringed at 10 years ago. Then I thought about Mary....was she a stay at home mom? I assume, since Joseph was a carpenter, probably his own business. She may have helped out in the shed. I thought about what Jesus may have been like as a child, since the only childhood thing mentioned is when he was 12 at the Tabernacle. Since he did not have an inherited sinful nature and was perfect, what was he like as a two year old? And how did he know to not pull the goat's tail? Did he never break something valuable or throw away his mom's shoe? If Joseph got a splinter, did Jesus supernaturally remove it for him, painlessly? Seriously though, what kind of perks did Mary and Joseph get for looking after Jesus? And really, how much "looking after" did they have to do? Did they scold him? No, he was perfect so they likely never had to. Did they tell him what to do, how to be a man? OR, did he tell THEM what to do, and how to live a sinless life? Did he tell them he was ashamed or disappointed when they sinned or argued? I really wonder what that home was like. I imagine peace, quiet and calm. Laughter and love. I imagine that Jesus sat in the floor and told elaborate stories of what was to come, and Mary and Joseph would laugh thinking what a great imagination. And then those things would happen and they'd be astonished. Course, after one or two miracles from their 4 year old, I'm sure it stopped being shocking and was more, "Yep, that's my boy."
Those are just some thoughts that went through my head today. As my mom would always tell me when I had questions she couldn't answer, I guess I'll have to wait until I get to Heaven to ask Jesus himself.

Ah, Sugar Sugar

Sugar- thought to be made by God, thought to be a heavenly product. So sweet, pure, kind. Tasty. I really don't actually have much of a sweet tooth per se, but I love lattes, frapps, sugar in my tea. That sort of thing.

***NEWSFLASH*** Sugar is the enemy!!!! It's sits on the right hand of satan! Think about it. Carbs are like wolves in sheep's clothing! Carbs break down into sugar in your body and sugar makes you fat. Candy, cake, even yogurt and fat free cappucinos are loaded with sugar. A minute on the lips, lifetime on the hips is what my mom's friend used to always say! It seems inviting, yummy, delightful then BAM. You have those pesky pounds that won't go away! Darn you, satan! DARN YOU!!!!! (Angela, use the voice like, grrr. CINTAS! With a dramatic yell on the last darn you!)

So, I'm going to make an effort to cut back on sugar. Thankfully, I'm not really a cake, ice cream, candy kind of person. But I am a carbs kind of person. So in the fashion of my friend Debs, I'm going to cut way back on sugar during the week. Saturday and Sunday I can cheat, but still be careful not to over indulge. Now, I'm going to be realistic. I will have carbs and sugar during the week. I'm just cutting back. No pop, no dessert-type foods, limit breads, no pasta, limit dairy (chock full of sugar), cut amount of sugar in my tea to 1/2, no carb-filled snacks like Cheez-It's. And this starts of course today. After I finish my Hazelnut Iced Coffee from McD's. It's not sweet, but there is cream and I'm sure carbs...darn you satan, darn you.

My headache

I have a crazy headache right now, but dang gone it, I'm blogging. For days I have been researching ways to make money from home (with no avail) and now I'm not sure if my headache is sinuses, stress or this new lotion I picked up at Bath and Body that smells wonderful, but maybe a little strong.
I've been sort of down this week, surely because Alexis is gone and Marty and I both get into a bit of a funk and can't quite figure out why. So I decided on some retail therapy last night. When I got home from work, I fed Sammy and off we went. I (gasp) skipped church so I could spend some one on one time with my boy (Marty had to work late). I debated between Fairlane and Southland, which is strange since I never go to Fairlane, so off to Southland we went. FYI- Children's Place Monster Sale. Nuff said. I got 5 shirts for $10. We went to Disney Store, American Eagle, Bath and Body...farted around. I did get two shirts for myself at AE, but instantly felt guilty when I left the store. Why is that? Why feel guilty? I have to have clothing. And I don't mean, "Oh, I have nothing to wear!" and my closet it jam packed. No, I literally have nothing to wear. I mean, I have some clothes, but I don't have much for this weather. Or fall either. Or winter. Or....oh, nevermind. Since I'm carrying an extra 20 lbs since pre-baby, I have a hard time finding clothes.
So funny Angela blogged about guacamole. I rarely eat after 7:30, definitely not dinner that late. So we get back from the mall at about 8pm and I'm fine. Then Marty gets home at 8:30 and brought home McDonald's Big Mac and fries. FRRRRIIIIEEEESSSSSS. yum.
I tell him, "Uh, we have spaghetti, and it's dee-lish."
"You didn't tell me you made dinner."
"You didn't ask. Couldn't you assume?"
"Ok, fine. So I wanted McDonalds."
"Thanks for seeing if I wanted something."
"You don't eat this late."
"You still didn't ask." So then I got up and ate Cheez-It's. I love Cheez-It's and hot tea. I know, weird. But that dang Big Mac smelled so wonderful, my stomach actually started growling. But, I had dinner and two pieces of bread with it, plus the stupid Cheez-It's as a snack! I DON'T EVEN LIKE BIG MACS. So like Ang, I fought the temptation to feed my belly something I didn't really need. Then I just went to bed and thought about how I wish I had a hot, juicy cheeseburger with pickles. And fries.

"McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?" - Jay Leno