The Thing about Mondays....

Mondays...the start of the work week. The day that sort of sets the tone for the week. The day many people dread waking up on because it means back to work. I really don't care for Mondays myself.
Today, Monday, April 21st is no different. I'm feeling down-trodded, unliked, depressed....could be hormones. Us women are notorious for those crazy mood swings. I don't know, I feel tired, weary and I just want to crawl back into my bed and sleep the rest of the day.

Sometime in mid-February, actually February 18th to be exact, a friend and I decided we were going to make Mondays great. We would email each other our prayers lists - which were often similar needs - and we would vow to pray for each other for the week for those needs. Low and behold since then, satan has been attacking both of us even greater than before, especially on Mondays! I find that when you make a promise to God, it is that promise satan tries twice as hard to destroy. He wants to destroy our Godly friendships, marriages, finances, families, jobs, etc. He hates the advancement of God's kingdom, and when we vow to do what we can to make changes for the glory of God, satan will attack! Those of you with Faith understand this very well, I'm sure. I used to, well, sometimes still find myself asking God, "Why me? Why do I have to live this life? Why can't I be blessed with all the great things (random name here) is being blessed with? How come satan isn't attacking them? They aren't even truly living the way Christians are called to live!" Er, DUH. Ding ding ding ding....why would satan attack someone who he doesn't have to worry about? It would be a waste of time. Satan attacks those he wants destroyed, and he wants to destroy those who have gifts, callings, talents, abilities, a heart and passion for Christ! The greater the calling, the greater the trials! Now, this is not necessarily true for everyone, I get that. There are many who never have many trials who God chose to "preserve" and they become great ministers or what have you. Many amazing Christians are blessed beyond measure for being faithful and we look at them and think, "Really? Have they ever had the difficult times I have?" And maybe they haven't. But it is when I think those thoughts that I have to remind myself of Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose."
Today, I'm going to post my weekly prayer list:
1- Marriages: mine, my friends, my fellow church-goers. Marriage is under attack, work-related stress and financal strain are out of control in so many people's lives.
2- Alexis - God to preserve her for his purpose. She will be a light in the darkness (her family in KY).
3- promotion for Marty in his job and elsewhere God has called him. For God to fill his heart and heal hurts he is dealing with.
4- direction for me, my ministry, my job. I'm really in a difficult place where I want to be home more with Samuel, but we can't quite afford it. I feel by working full-time it is taking away from so many greater things I could be doing: raising my son, working on ministry stuff, being a better wife and mother, etc.
5- We really, REALLY need a dependable vehicle that can take us to get Alexis, visit Kentucky from time to time, go up north once and a while. Right now, BOTH of our vehicles are basically "to work and back" vehicles. It's kind of embarrassing. I'm praying God gives us favor in this area and we find the car we need and want at a price we can afford. I've never had to have a car payment, so I'm not thrilled about making that kind of commitment!
6- my mom. God to bless her faithfulness
7- Lorelai Lapeer. Strength for her and her parents, God has performed a miracle and is continuing to do so. I pray God brings her home earlier than Dr. predictions and for financial blessing for them, so they can deal with the medical bills and other expenses that may come along with this little Gift from God.

Thanks, friends!

A whole Lot of nothing really

Today is a blah day. My back aches, I pulled a muscle in my neck when laughing at one of Laila's jokes, my contacts are dry and foggy (getting new ones Friday)...I want to go back to bed really, really bad. We've been dog sitting Buddy, a family friend's dog. Buddy is a neutered chihuahua, poodle mix (about 15 lbs). He is around 6 or 7 years old, or more, can't remember. My dog, Foxy, an 8 lb Toy Fox Terrier, loves having a playmate around. Me, not so much. The two together drive me nuts, however I keep him for a week every spring, and sometimes other random times throughout the year. Though Buddy may have had his manhood clipped, it does not stop him from his manly deeds. He is a total alpha dog and let's just say he really, REALLY likes Foxy. I have to yell at him quite a bit. She doesn't seem to mind though. Gross.
Anyway, both dogs sleep in bed with us and Buddy insists on sleeping right on my head. Literally! Not above or near, but ON. Plus, he is long-haired so his tail flaps in my face and itches my nose. When he is bored in the middle of the night, he decides to chew my hair. I have not slept well in a week and half. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that this time we have him for two weeks. He'll go home on Saturday. I say now I won't miss him, but I probably will. And when they call again wanting me to dog sit, I'll say yes, because he has become that annoying relative that comes around once in a while and you think, why did I invite them over? They are so embarrassing....and then when they are gone, you miss their quirkiness. I won't miss Buddy's "loving" affection towards Foxy, but his presence will be missed.
And no, this is not one of those blogs with a strange, overly spiritual twist at the end. I just felt like sharing my Buddy experience!

FYI...

I did not go on the stairmaster, like I mentioned in my last post. Ignorant me, it was the Elliptical. I'm growing quite fond of the ellipitical, I must say. I did push out 20 minutes on Friday, and felt pretty dang gone good after. Today I will go, and I will attempt 25 minutes....I know, I know, you're all screaming, "Careful, Sarah! Don't overdo it!" But, fear not friends. I will push on for us, so that I can say it can be done!
I'm so tired today. I've had a draining week. I'll spare you much detail, but I'm glad we are entering a new week to make things better. Sammy is getting more molars, and driving me nuts. It makes me feel so guilty to feel at my wit's end when he drive me crazy, and then I think it's because I'm not home with him during the week, and I don't know how to handle my child. Maybe I'm just tired, and he really isn't all that whiny. Yep, then "Working Mom Remorse" kicks in. There isn't really anything I can do about it, which makes it worse...we are dependent on my income. If I were to quit and be a stay at home mom, we would not eat! Sometimes I feel like I'm willing to make that sacrifice, then reality kicks in. I've just had a down week about all that. Plus, I feel like at this rate, we will never afford more children. I can't pay twice the daycare! Hmmm...but maybe I could get someone to come to the house..that may make it slightly more worth it. Ok, that was me thinking out loud. Back to my blog.
I feel like I'm in a rut with my book writing. I have very little written, loads of inspiration by now, but I don't know where to begin. I'm tired, I have no time for anything and a lot of pressure coming at me from all over. What is great about this time of "rest" from ministry is that I'm really able to see God in basically everything. I've been doing a lot of praying, asking God to give me a greater understanding of my visions, and greater discernment, and strength to get through the trials. You have to be careful what you ask for though. In the words of Spiderman's Grandma: "With great power comes great responsibility."

More Tales from the Y....

Ok, so I got another pretty dang good workout in yesterday, if I do say so myself. I have been on a stairmaster probably three times in my whole life, probably never more than 5 minutes at that. Well, I did it yesterday. That's right. 10 minutes of the stairclimber. It was a butt-burner, that's for sure! Now the stairmaster definitely burns more calories faster than the treadmill, but it's a bit tougher to get going. Your legs feel, I'm sorry, I mean MY legs felt like rubber and were hurting within 3 minutes, but once I got past 5 minutes, I was sailing....until about the 8 minute mark, but pride kept me going until I got to 10 minutes. I felt so empowered, so strong, so sweaty! But, I had burned 80 calories in just 10 minutes. If you remember, it takes me about 20-25 minutes to burn that many on the treadmill. I don't run. I won't run. I just can't do that to the people around me. It's not right. After the stairmaster, I wanted to still do 20 minutes of cardio, so I got on Ol' Faithful and put the incline to 5.5 and the speed to 3.5. It burns calories faster, and my personal trainer/neighbor said cardio is the most important thing right now since there is so much fat to burn. That's her words...thanks. She suggested 35-45 minutes of cardio 3 to 4 times a week, at least. WOW, that's rough! Ok, so on to the funny. I've noticed more and more women lately coming to the gym so dolled up! They come in in their tiny tanks (no midriffs, thank GOD) and they have the cute matching capri's that I'm not sure are for working out...they have their hair done like they are going to the prom and enough makeup to last for days! I've gotten some pretty figured out. One chick I like to call "Dolly"....not like Dolly Parton, but she just reminds me of a "Dolly". Anyway, she is probably mid-50's. By the sound of her voice, at one time she must have been a chain smoker, but she doesn't seem to get winded easy so maybe not. Anyway, she will stand around trying to act so smooth and she seeks out the young, buff men and then goes and works out on whatever is closest to them. I'm not sure it counts as working out though. She does the breathing techniques, but the weight is usually at it's lowest and she is super slow. She'll do 3 reps of 3, and then stand up, pretend to be exhausted, and then strike up a conversation with her victim. When he escapes, she just hunts down someone new. The other day, I overheard Dolly's conversation with 5 different men....each time she'd say the same thing, "I just love green m&m's, don't you? UGH, they are my weakness! That's why I have to come work out so much. I ate a whole bag in the car, so I thought I'd swing in real quick and squeeze in some workout time, hahahahahaha..." some of the men will laugh with her out of pity, others just smile, then walk away. I think it could be the magenta blush and matching eyeshadow, and the raccoon style eyeliner but I'm not sure. Or all the toxins from her beehive hairdo makes it too hard to breathe.
I gotta get some work done. I'll try to blog about "Betty" soon.

Gone til June-ish...

Well, we have bid farewell to Alexis. It's so depressing. She really did great this week and she is a great kid. She really opened up to us a lot this week and had a difficult time leaving. She is so fearful of her mother, but at the same time loves her dearly and doesn't want to her to be hurt or get in trouble. The unconditional love of a child absolutely amazes me.
I didn't ride with Marty to take her back. I've been so much more emotional this time than before. I know it's because I am so hurt by what is going on down there in KY and to her...I'm jealous that her mother has so many opportunities to spend time with Alexis and do fun things with her, yet I'm angry that she doesn't take advantage of it. Alexis spends most of her time shoved off on babysitters, but her mother will start problems with Marty for getting a babysitter while we go to work...I don't know about you, but I sure can't take 6 weeks off in the summer while she is here, and that is what her mom expects.
Alexis really opened up about not getting to see Katelyn, her former step-sister. This girl was her older sister since Alexis was 2 years old. They grew up together for 6 years! Now they can't even talk on the phone. It really hurts to see Alexis hurt so much. All she wants to do is see Katelyn. We should've let her call Katelyn, but we didn't think of it. She didn't ask. I'm sure she was afraid her mother would find out and she get a butt wooping.
Even though I'm beyond frustrated with this whole situation and I have so many things I want to say to Crystal about how terrible she is, more than anything I would LOVE to see her give her heart back to the Lord. How miserable she must be to live the life she lives. I imagine that being a backslidden Christian is harder than never having been saved....all that conviction and knowing the truth and blatantly ignoring it?! I know a lot about her childhood and my heart breaks for her. She really had a crappy upbringing. The whole family worked together to con people and churches, and her dad held "church" in their home. A home that they rented and would live for a few months, then up and move in the middle of the night because they skipped out on rent. Her dad is ordained, or was at one point, but a terrible example of a man, father, husband. Crystal is just doing what she was taught, and raising Alexis the way she was raised. It makes me sick thinking about things Crystal had to endure in her pre-teen and teen years and I pray to God that those things don't happen to Alexis.
Please pray for Alexis's safety and her mind. Pray that she will know to lean on Jesus anytime she needs comfort. Pray for Crystal to find true happiness and to return to the Lord. Continue to pray for a division between Crystal and Marty's mom. He is so hurt by his parent's betrayal, and they don't feel they betrayed him. They are remaining "neutral" in their minds, since after all, they didn't divorce Crystal, he did. Pray for strength for Marty and me. I know there are going to be many more hard times in the near future in this situation, especially this summer. We are going to have some financial strain this summer because we'll have to pay for child care for her...my grandma and neighbor used to rotate watching her, but Grandma is gone and the neighbor got a job!
Thanks Friends!

Still holding on...

Yesterday, Marty took off work to spend the day with Alexis. I was so happy about that, because he hasn't been able to for a few years now. First they went to the bank to deposit the money from her piggy bank into her savings account...he wanted to teach her about saving up for fun stuff. Then they drove out to Great Lakes Crossing to go to Gameworks. She saw Rainforest Cafe there, and had never been there, so of course, Marty had to take her for lunch. Then she just had to go to Justice, her favorite store and he had to buy her this shirt she picked out that says, "My Dad Rocks"! Good choice, I must say. She had the greatest time. She called me from the car on the way home and was squealing with excitement! She said it was the best time of her life and the best Daddy/Daughter Day ever. I think Marty may have had a better time than she did! He rarely has the opportunity to spend the entire day just the two of them, and in the past, we really couldn't afford to do too much. I think spending the day with her and seeing her so excited to be with him really opened his eyes. He doesn't have the emotional attachment I do, he feels the situation is what it is, we've tried to make it better, but her mom is just such a jerk for the sake of being one and what else can we do? I think he will have a much harder time sending her home this week than the other times. So much has gone on in the last several months, and her family dynamic has changed so drastically (in KY)...I think he finally feels the pain I feel, which some might say is so strange, since he's the father and I'm "stepmom"...unless you are a step-parent, you can't really understand. I can't detach, I think of her as my daughter, we've been a part of each other's lives for 7 years. When she goes back to KY, I feel like I'm throwing her to the wolves. I feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to protect her. But I have no rights, no say, nothing. If there is a medical emergency, I can't even really be there or make decisions. I'm really no one. Sometimes I wish I could detach, like some other step-parents. I never could understand how Marty could be so emotionless when she leaves and is gone for so long, and how he can forget to call her, and has to be reminded to call her and buy her little gifts. Through much in depth conversation this week, I have come to find he is not really as emotionless as it seems. He is quite messed up by the whole thing. It is "easier" for him to not talk to her when she is in KY, because the fact her mother screens all her calls, which she isn't supposed to do....he tries so hard to avoid Crystal at all costs, he sacrifices his relationship with Alexis to do so. But, we all know what happens when you stifle your thoughts and feelings and try to ignore your true emotions. You eventually boil over. Which has finally happened for him. He has been broken in this situation, and he's ready to do what it takes. Although I'm stressed and depressed, and it is completely from the enemy, I feel a glimmer of hope knowing that he does truly want the necessary changes to take place so Alexis can come HOME to us. I'm holding on to that promise, I truly believe she WILL be here soon. I just pray for grace to come now...I feel like I'm beyond what I can handle, and God promised not to give us more than we can handle. I feel like I'm in a state of constant attacking by the enemy and I feel weak and helpless. It is literally one thing after another and it's like this whenever she comes. I am trying to find the joy in it, knowing that the enemy only attacks those he is threatened by, and for us to be attacked so greatly when it comes to Alexis, must mean the promise is from God, that she WILL be with us and He has preserved her for His glory and a testimony will come from this!

For those looking for a Y update...nothing. Haven't been since last Wednesday. I REALLY need to go. I think we are going to night. Marty is going to take Alexis and Sammy swimming while I workout. I don't even own a decent swimsuit, so I won't be swimming. Ugh, I can't even imagine wearing a swimsuit right now. And, I've eaten terrible for the last several days. I feel gross. I need some detox tea or something. It's the depression. I hate that I get this way when she comes. It's really only during the short visits, because I know she has to leave soon. In the summer, I don't get so depressed, I get really excited to spend a chunk of time with her! Just pray for us Mouser's.