Well, I started the week with a blog, so I might as well end the week with a blog. I've had an interesting week to say the least. I've really been seeking God on the retreat coming up and know God is going to move in a mighty way. If you aren't planning on going, you better change your mind. If you are planning on going, get ready to receive from Him in ways you never imagined. I have a vision for my future and I'm believing that will be confirmed and new steps revealed. What are you believing to receive that weekend? My suggestion: begin praying NOW for what you want to receive from God. Don't just let the next 5 weeks float by and wait until you get there. What questions do you have for God? Where do you want to be right now in your life? I don't mean a beach in Cancun- Amy is already there! And I'm sure she is connecting with God while there and praying about the retreat and us women. But, spiritually, where do you want to be?
These are questions I've been asking myself pretty much all month. I want my life to dramatically change! I want to be home more, I want my vision for ministry to come to pass now! I've never seen myself as a full-time employee of the world. I mean NEVER. When I was 14 at church camp I KNEW my life would be in ministry. At 28, I don't understand why I am where I am. But God does, and that's all that matters. There are two verses that I think of daily, and have for the last 10 years, no joke. They just pop in my mind at random times:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I think of my life and all the disappointments, stupid decisions, the hurts I've endured, the anger, and again-the stupid decisions! I think how can I have hope and a future after all of this?! Where was God? The anwer is simple- He was there. He always is. He didn't tell me to go to the parties or hang out with that person. He begged me not to. But I ignored Him. I have free will, so he let me go. But He was with me the whole time, protecting me and keeping me safe. Through dumb choices He was right there because His plan was for me to have hope and a future. When I was hurt and my heart was broken- He was there, holding me, picking up the pieces. Comforting me when I was sure I'd never get past the pain and disappointment. He's always right there. You just have to talk to Him and you have to want the help and healing.
28"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose."
I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I've done stupid things that have affected my life. But God takes that bad and turns it for good. I am the type of person that takes EVERY experience and tries to see a lesson learned in it. I think of those times people have let me down and how I would think, "How will I ever forgive them, or get past this?" That answer is also simple. You turn to God because that which the enemy has done for evil, He will make good.

So this blog is really more personal. Not many will "get" it. But maybe someone is thinking like me, feeling like me, ready for the next level. Ready for life to really begin. I don't have my quirky jokes that most people don't find funny anyway! And maybe this is a little to serious for the casual reader. But I wanted to share and get it off my chest and quite possibly, it has touched someone where they are at. That is my hope :)
OH- and three very important songs in my life (I don't have a way to add them on here or I would):
What a Wonderful Maker - I prefer the Jeremy Camp version
Call on Jesus- Nicole C. Mullen
I Am- Mark Shultz (this is a recent addition to my special songs list)

Longest blog so far....

Marty often says if I were a stay at home mom, I wouldn't be able to handle Sammy. I get really irritated because I feel like the reason I do stress out with Sammy is because I'm not home with him so I don't have the patience I should have. Well, last night was NOT my night to prove Marty wrong. Sammy is in this phase where he wants to get up 15 times in an hour when we're trying to get him to go to bed. I started late, at 8:30 last night. He had fallen asleep around 6 in the car after a hard day of play with Gerry, Christian and Tiara. I let him sleep for about 30 minutes, knowing it would push bedtime back.
First- let me talk about him playing with "the boys". It was hilarious! They were chasing each other around up and down the stairs, in Christian's room, in Missy's room, in the kitchen, back up the stairs. Then they found JOY (not Ford, but the emotion) in jumping up and down on Missy and Jay's big bed, while watching Word World, of course. I go upstairs to get Sammy so we can go, and he doesn't want to leave. Jason and Bob tell me that him, Gerry and Christian have been hugging and giggling for like 15 minutes and having a blast. When Sammy saw me coming he giggled, looked at Christian, and then the two of them hurried and climbed under the covers and then popped their heads out and pretended to be napping, sharing a pillow....of course with big cheesy grins on their faces! It was probably one of those had to be there things, but I promise, just visualize it. It was so cute! I of course, did not have my camera handy, darn it!
SOOOOO, back to last night. I'm laying on the couch, too exhausted to go to bed, stressed because my child keeps getting up. This is how it when for an hour: Sammy gets in bed, we say prayers, I tell him he has to stay in bed, he tells me I'm going potty, I agree, he says night night, I say good night, I walk out, shut door and cross fingers. I sit on couch, hear pitter patter of little feet, hear door open, hear door shut, more pitter patter, then "HI MOMMY!" and he walks over to his toys and begins to play. I get up, pick him up, he throws fit, I don't care, I put him in bed, and the above begins again. So by 10pm, I'm WIPED OUT. I'm talking to Marty about Christmas gifts for Alexis since she is our expensive child. Sammy comes in the room for what seems like the 1500th time and decides to be "cute" by wanting to cuddle with Mommy. He climbs up, gets hyper and bashes my mouth with his head. I KNOW it was not intentional but GOOD HEAVENS it hurt like nothing else. I seriously thought my teeth went through my lower lip. I pushed him off me, got up, yelled something about how I can't handle this child and I don't want anymore EVER and went off to the bathroom to spit. Let me tell you, I LOVE my child dearly and I was so mad at myself for getting so upset! I feel like I have less patience because I'm not with him during the day. His "routine" and behavior is really set by the sitter, who watches 10 other kids and as great as she is, she can't see everything they do wrong so they can't be as disciplined as I would have him if I were home. So of course feeling this way, only makes me feel worse, like I'm a terrible mom who doesn't deserve children. Then I think of the idiots out there who are reproducing and shouldn't, like my brother's ex who is having #2, can't afford #1, is a terrible mother, can't hold a job, is disgusting and rude, but will likely keep popping them out as long as God keeps her fertile. That's a whole nother blog though, one that I won't write because I'm not sure it would be Christ-like.
Ok, so the moral of this blog is: we all get over-stressed and contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect. :) Today I will make a New Year's Resolution (in August) to try not to overthink everything and be more patient with my child. I may hate working and being away from him, but it's not his fault and I need to accept that it is my calling for now.

You Are Chai Tea

There are many subtle sides to your personality. You are difficult to decode. You are a complex and deep individual. You have many nuanced beliefs, and your mood frequently changes. You are a creative and expressive person. You draw your inspiration from the whole world. You enjoy exotic food, music, and travel. Your tastes are very international.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

Jimeny Crickets

I truly believe crickets are of the devil. The Lord may have created them, but when he cast Lucifer out, I believe the crickets went with him. There is NO way Noah's wife would allow crickets on the ark. I just can't believe it to be true.

I hate crickets. Loathe them. I for real have an unhealthy problem with crickets. When I hear one that I think may be too close for comfort, I freak. Seriously, like a panic attack. My heart starts beating too fast, it's hard to breathe, I get a nervous sweat and I become paralyzed, especially when I don't know where it is hiding. Once it appears jumping around in my sight, I either run for the hills screaming like a banchee, or I whip out my handy can of super strength outdoor Raid (yes, even inside) and I use 1/2 a can and spray it til it's dead. I am not joking, I know it's weird, and I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but ask Marty. I seriously need therapy about crickets!

So ever since the infestation of crickets that happened to my home in the summer of 2005, Marty has been pretty good at doing the perimeter spray. Everyday this summer, starting in May, I reminded him to do it, and he put it off and put it off. Then he just used this 6-week stuff that we happened to have. I told him and told him to go to Home Depot and get the super duty, extra strength Raid stuff, and he put it off and put it off. Low and behold my people, last night I heard a cricket in the basement. Thank GOD it was not upstairs. But just knowing a cricket is jumping around, having a blast in MY basement with MY stuff and MY clothes is just so irritating I could spit. Or scream. I'm not kidding, it's a little hard to breathe right now just thinking about needing to do laundry tonight. I honestly won't do it until I can be sure there are no alive crickets in my basement. Or dead ones for that matter. I can't even stand to see the lifeless shell of a cricket. I want to vomit now.

Am I ridiculous or what? It's a freaking CRICKET. A black, 2 inch insect. I'm not afraid of spiders. I mean I get a little creeped out, but I can kill a spider. Not a daddy long legs. Ew. They might wrap their legs around my shoe and eat through it or something. But crickets will crunch when you step on it, and ooze and goo...they also can jump like 6 feet and they rub their legs together just to annoy us and keep us awake. Darn them. DARN THEM.

My son the perfectionist

Sammy. Gotta love him. Sweet and caring, affectionate, smart. Love it. But, strong-willed and tempermental is he. Most mornings are extremely stressful for me, no matter what time we wake up. Let me tell you a typical morning, this morning for example: I woke up at 6am. My eyes were throbbing, begging for another 30 minutes. I dragged myself to the kitchen and made tea. Sammy was still sleeping. I drank my tea in 10 minutes, sitting on the couch in silence. No tv. No kid. No Marty. My brain was still asleep, and I couldn't even pray. I was zoning, for sure. Then with my last sip, "BLLLLAAAAAHHH"....feet pitter-pattering in the distance, door opens then shuts, more pitter-pattering and Sammy pops around the corner into the front room, "Uh, momma, mommy, want numanum." That is his new word for milk. Not sure where it came from. Probably daycare. So I get up and put his milk in a sippy that has a frog on it. No. Not good enough. He wanted the red one with the boat. He threw himself in the floor and cried and cried. Yep. I gave in. I put it in the red one with the boat. It really didn't matter. So we go get him dress. I pull out jean shorts. No, he wanted the khaki shorts. I continue to struggle to get the jean shorts on and he is screaming bloody murder over these khakis. They match his shirt, so fine. If my little "metro" man wants the khakis, it's not a big deal. We switch and he is happy. Shoes. The dreaded moment of getting dressed. He loves shoes. Today he insisted on his Spiderman slippers. I tell him no and insist on sandals. He runs to the front room and puts his slippers on the best he can, then hides behind the couch so I can't take them off him. By this time, I need in the shower and I'm sure I'm going to be late for work. So I give up, turn on Wiggles and let him wear his slippers. Thankfully, Mary, my sitter, understands Sammy's "needs" and doesn't mind when he is wearing slippers in August, or hauling in random toys, backpacks, Alexis's Barbie laptop. It's security I guess. She is also aware of his need to have everything just right. If it's not, watch out. Yep, I know what you're thinking, it's a little scary...Autism, Asberger's, Sensory Integration, ODD, OCD, it's all way overdiagnosed these days. I still chalk him up to being an everyday 2-year old that has some quirks. I'm sure it's just slight paranoia when my mind floats to those things, what mom doesn't get a little freaked from time to time when their kid picks up on something too quick or freaks out over dirt? He's my little happy guy, and he's smart and healthy, so that's all that matters!
We had a really fun week last week. Tuesday we went to see the Wiggles at the Palace with Ang and Liv. He was fascinated with all the lights, especially the light wands they sold for an overpriced $17. Pretty much all the kids had them and Sammy freaked out trying to get one from every kid he saw. I opted for the $17 tee shirt instead, since it would last longer. He'll be wearing it until he's 4 at least! As soon as I bought it, he was trying to take his shirt off to put that one on, screaming, "MINE MINE MINE. MY SHIRT MY SHIRT MY SHIRT!" as we walked away from the counter. Then Friday, I was talking to my mother-in-law and I thought, hmmm we should meet 1/2 way somewhere so they can see Sammy. So we went to Crossroads Village/Huckelberry Railroad on Saturday. Lucky us, Day Out with Thomas was going on! He had such a good time. Check out my myspace for pics:) What a great event, too....it's cheaper there then when it comes to Greenfield Village. I totally want to go again this weekend, but I'll resist. It was cool though. Do I hear a mommy event for next August?

I've been reading this book, Lost Women of the Bible. It's a very interesting take on some of the less familiar, less admired women of the Bible. I'm thoroughly enjoying the study guides at the end of each chapter, although I'm not even 1/2 way into the book. I don't have much time for reading! Anyway- so from reading this I'm becoming totally fascinated by the women of the Bible. Their stories play like well-made films in my mind. Films that probably Angela would want to go see at the Main Art Theatre. Yesterday I went with my mom to Family Christian and found that the $5 member special is Extraordinary Women of the Bible by Elizabeth George. Of course, I had to buy it. I wanted to buy a few and give them as gifts to all my friends, but instead I was buying Alexis a CD by a new band, and some other small clearance items for Christmas, and well, I'm on a budget! So I wanted to blog and tell everyone they should go get this book! For me, I'm digging the Lost Women because, hey, we've all been lost, are lost, or both! But I want to read all these books. I am a woman (which still sounds old to me), I want to know my heritage, where I've come from in my Christian life, the history, the women who have paved the way, the women who should be our role models...ok, not Jezebel, but we can learn from many of the "Bad Girls". Another book I will need to add to my collection.
SOOOO for those who love the FC $5 member specials, here they are: Extraordinary Women of the Bible; Every Man's Battle; Best of Selah Hymns; a few other CD's,;First of May (a family film, looks cute, bought that, too!); a 3-pack Bible dictionary, theasarus, something else that I can't remember; a stand-up comedy DVD; and some book I think called Living the Life You Want. I wanted to buy the whole dang store. I get that way everytime I go there.

MAMA MIA!!!!

My mom is so funny. She rarely goes to the movies anymore, but she went Friday with my Aunt to see Mama Mia. I was a little surprised because I didn't think that was her type of movie. It's a musical, and well, musicals turned into movies aren't always that great. All my mom could talk about on Saturday was this movie. She LOVED it. I figured it was because it had been so long since she went to the movies that she was a little over excited about finally getting out.

So last night my mom INSISTS we go see Mama Mia, and the neighbor, who has 5 kids under 8 and gets out less than I do, left the kids with her husband and came with us. Seriously, the movie was SO funny, if you like Abba music and giddy song and dance! I LOVED it. It really brought back my love for acting and I sort of daydreamed while watching the movie that I was in the movie, too :) Seriously, those people had to have had a blast filming. I secretly wished last night that I had stayed in Hollywood when I had a chance, but no, I didn't want to hurt my friend's feelings who sucked it up at the auditions, so I threw my movie career out the window. I could have been a HUGE STAR....ok, more like I probably would have made a "career" out of being an extra. But whatever, it would have been so fun!

And for those who think the star looks really familiar, but can't quite place the face....blonde ditz from Mean Girls. "I think I have ESPN or something!" Yep.

ODE TO ANGELA

I was hoping this would be an exciting surprise for my dear friend. I have planned for a month to blog an ode to Angela, but she kind of beat me to the punch. Oh well. My top 26 things about Angela, in no real order:

26. She is suberbly hilarious
25. My Matron of Honor
24. 7 years of great memories
23. UNDERSTANDS
22. Partner in future ministry
21. Great mom
20. Very creative/intelligent/business savvy/skilled
19. A film buff like I
18. Great taste in music
17. Loves Starbucks and Frappucino's, like I
16. Awesome hair
15. The best sense of humor
14. So gullible- Yes, I road the Diamond Jack with James McEvoy!
13. Can know what I'm thinking without me saying a word
12. Emails, emails, emails
11. Laughs with me, even when we aren't saying words
10. Love that Liv....was there when she was born. Not literally in the room during, but minutes after!
9. Our kids love each other. Alexis calls Liv "her little sister".
8. Our husbands get along. They used to be roomates. The rest is history.
7. Up for anything, loves to try to new things.
6. Will walk up and pray with someone in the Applebee's parking lot because "Pastor Pat" would
5. Everyone loves an Italian Girl
4. Listens to me vent, and I do the same
3. Beautiful inside and out
2. Honest and blunt, yet careful with people's feelings.
1. in one word, FABULOUS

Motherhood: Some Thoughts

As I was getting ready for work today, I was thinking about motherhood. I thought about how being a mom has completely changing my thought process, goals, work, life...everything. I thought about how I want to be a stay at home mom, something I would have cringed at 10 years ago. Then I thought about Mary....was she a stay at home mom? I assume, since Joseph was a carpenter, probably his own business. She may have helped out in the shed. I thought about what Jesus may have been like as a child, since the only childhood thing mentioned is when he was 12 at the Tabernacle. Since he did not have an inherited sinful nature and was perfect, what was he like as a two year old? And how did he know to not pull the goat's tail? Did he never break something valuable or throw away his mom's shoe? If Joseph got a splinter, did Jesus supernaturally remove it for him, painlessly? Seriously though, what kind of perks did Mary and Joseph get for looking after Jesus? And really, how much "looking after" did they have to do? Did they scold him? No, he was perfect so they likely never had to. Did they tell him what to do, how to be a man? OR, did he tell THEM what to do, and how to live a sinless life? Did he tell them he was ashamed or disappointed when they sinned or argued? I really wonder what that home was like. I imagine peace, quiet and calm. Laughter and love. I imagine that Jesus sat in the floor and told elaborate stories of what was to come, and Mary and Joseph would laugh thinking what a great imagination. And then those things would happen and they'd be astonished. Course, after one or two miracles from their 4 year old, I'm sure it stopped being shocking and was more, "Yep, that's my boy."
Those are just some thoughts that went through my head today. As my mom would always tell me when I had questions she couldn't answer, I guess I'll have to wait until I get to Heaven to ask Jesus himself.