Commitment Issues...

Time to come clean. I have commitment issues. I over commit myself often, of course with good intentions. I have always felt that if someone else can do something, so can I! So, if I saw another mom able to run a successful household and be involved in church, community and school as well as workout often and maintain a great physique, I should be able to as well! Right there I set myself up for failure. I am not "that mom" therefore, I should not aspire to do a long list of things that maybe I'm just not made to do!

The last 3 (ok 5) years have been a total whirlwind for me! My last two children are just 16 months a part. Although that is not uncommon for many families, for me it has been crazy! Elijah marches to the beat of his own drum, didn't walk until 15 months (I was sure I'd be carrying him Elisabeth came along) and is very particular about...EVERYTHING. I won't call him difficult, but he was quite the fussy baby! Lucky for me, he has an amazing big brother who absolutely loves his little sibs :) Looking back, I'm not so sure it's the having them close in age that was the only factor in the whirlwind feeling, but as well as other issues we as a family were dealing with that all happened all at once! Here we are now though and everything is falling back in place and the "wind" isn't blowing quite so hard!

I had friends come and go in those years, some hard losses and some it was just time to move on; we had family issues that are now resolved; we had major changes in our church, all of which are resolved; and Alexis, my step-daughter, has become a teenager. That's a lot to deal with all at once! In that time, I know I often over-reacted to situations out of stress, yelled at my kids over something dumb, blew off friends, forgot dates, lost my mind! lol...for realz, I was overwhelmed!

What helps me is writing. Getting my thoughts out there. Who has time for that?! I am often told I should have a blog because I'm so darn witty ;) I didn't dare tell people I had a blog that was on my list of commitments I slack on! But, in honesty, I felt inadequate. There are so many "mom blogs" out there that I feel so inferior to. What could I possibly offer?
- I'm not a crafty person, and crafts are last on my budget list (ok, they aren't even on "the list"!) so I'm not "that mom"
-I'm not some major financial, budgeting expert to tell you how to save your family so much money that you can take 5 trips to Disney in one year so I can't be "that mom"
-I'm exhausted, will not blog daily, cranky when things don't go right, yell at my kids more out of stress and tiredness than for what they did, so I'm definitely not that positive, "Love and Logic" kind of mom
-I have little patience for couponing and will follow my two couponer blogs and get deals, but definitely not interested in taking the time to blog exclusive about coupons, sales and freebies.
-I don't homeschool. I don't cook amazing gluten/dairy/sugar free meals in my gourmet kitchen while smiling and having my children assist me. I don't read for an hour everyday with each child. I don't have advice on becoming a "better" mom.

Can you relate to this, or is it really just me? There are so many super moms (or at least facades of) that I felt like I was just inadequate in every aspect of motherhood! I have spent the last few years on "survival mode" that I would get so upset at myself for not doing more/being more/seeing more. Well, finally it dawned on me. Those markets are over saturated anyway. I read many of them on the rare occasions I get a chance, because I scour for ideas that I never actually follow and crafts I never make. But, I need a little motivation in my life, so I decided to blog my thoughts.

So here's the deal. I'll blog when I feel like it. It may or not be good. Maybe it'll be life-changing. Maybe it'll be the worst read of your life and you have to go read a coupon blog or do a craft to get over the pain you feel from my blog, while making your quinoa salad and drink kale juice.
Here's what I do have to offer:
-I make mistakes as a mom, wife, friend, dog owner and all the other hats I wear. I can admit it.
-I make attempts at changing my families eating habits, even with two very picky eaters.
-I grew up in church and have many great memories and a few bad ones.
-I was miraculous healed from childhood leukemia, which stories of that time will definitely come out, as well as the meaning behind the name of the blog.
-I am a step-mom with a great "bonus" daughter. FYI- even with a great stepchild, step-parenting is more often a thankless, stressful, sometimes hurtful job. You have all the work of the parent, and get little to no credit. In some situations, you may help raise a child that is being trained, brainwashed and manipulated into hating you and thinking you are evil, though you do absolutely nothing to deserve that. You will be overlooked by family, and friends may tell you that you try too hard because after all, the step child isn't your kid. But, when you married, you chose to love unconditionally, so through hell or high water, you will do so.
-I'm slowing becoming more of someone who enjoys doing things alone rather than with others and I feel awkward in social situations that I use to love being a part of. I think it's part of getting older, or maybe I really am losing it!
-I'm obsessed with great worship music. I love to break down the lyrics and apply them to life. Or attempt to. Or just write it out and slack on the follow through. I feel I was supposed to be a worship leader, but somewhere down the line I missed out on the ability to sing in public.
This blog is too long, so I will end it because my brain never shuts down. Ask my friend, Amy. Thoughts are always running through my head. I'm pretty sure I have ADD. No offense to anyone who does. I've always been accused of being airheaded and not focused, and looking back, it ALL. MAKES. SENSE.
See ya when I see ya. Hopefully I come up with something good ;)